Movie Madness

Most the time, it is possible for me to be a patient, mature adult.  I am OK with Hollywood adapting any book they need to for it to be made into a movie. I understand that is part of the moviemaking process.

What really infuriates me is when Hollywood adapts a Bible story into a movie, and adds all sort of information that is not in the Bible. Why does Hollywood have to take potshots at God’s Word? Make the entire movie complete biblical truth with no creative fillers. In a religious movie, some of the movie viewers will assume that what they are viewing is in the Bible. They will never search the scriptures to discover the real truth.

This is not to say that all religious movies I’ve seen have been bad. Some critics have hated the religious movies I’ve enjoyed the most. Occasionally, Hollywood has got it right with the religious movie they’ve filmed.

There are things you can do to voice your opinion about a movie. Either email the website for the movie with your comment. You can also add an electronic appraisal of a movie on the appropriate website. There was one movie that I walked out of because it offended me so badly. I asked the theater for my money back, and got it. You have more influence over Hollywood than what you might think.

A Modern Day Naomi and Ruth

If you ever read the story in the book of Ruth about the famous mother-in-law/daughter-in-law duet, you might wonder if a close relationship like this is possible between two such female relatives. My answer is absolutely “yes.”

My mother, Janice, and my wife, Bobbi, have a close caring friendship. What do these women have in common? Why me, of course. My senior-aged mother gravitates towards my wife because she is knowledgeable (lots of common sense), and is not afraid to be honest with my mother when her beliefs (about whatever) are incorrect. My mother knows Bobbi always has her best interest at heart (no matter what).

One thing that Bobbi and my mother do on an almost daily basis daily (since Bobbi became my wife) is pray with each other before Bobbi leaves for work. Besides both of them bringing all their requests to God in prayer, this simple act has bonded them together like nothing else could.

Bobbi and my mom have seen both the good and bad of each other, and continue right on loving the other one through both the positive and negative life has offered them. Though neither my mother nor wife would wish to be compared to the heroic biblical women mentioned at the beginning of this article, Bobbi and my mother are the truest examples I know of love in action.

Read and Listen

From a very young age, I’ve had a love affair with libraries. It’s just amazing all the adventures one can experience (and places that can be visited) through the imagination of a great author. Reading can be done anywhere you want to do it.

Growing up, the one thing I looked forward to every summer was The Summer Reading Club. I could get rewarded with prizes for doing something I already adored doing.

My reading methods have morphed over the years. I started out with books; the feeling of a book in one’s hands with all the possibilities of the surprises I might discover was intoxicating.

In my twenties and thirties I was reading books and listening to taped audio books. That eventually got to be too much as I was confusing character plots.

Though I’ve always been a great reader, if a book is not available from the library in compact disc (CD) audiobook, chances are will never read it on a book or any kind of electronic reading device.

My listening time is done exclusively in my car as I drive, which makes trip time zoom by. At this stage of my life, I want to be read to and entertained by all the excellent narrators (and actors) that are available. My favorite audiobooks are the ones that are read by the author of the book. If the thought of an audiobook seems like too much of an inconvenience, try downloading a book on your iphone.

If you have poor reading skills (or little time to read), chances are the book you wish to explore is available on audio. If you are ready to open up your mind to a whole new world, do what I am currently enjoying so much

Crying Wolf

Are you a prankster? Does the thought of itching powder, whoopee cushions, fake dog poop, fake cockroaches, or fake mice throw you into fits of laughter? Most the time, there is nothing wrong with something that is legitimately funny. Manufacturing a humorous moment at the expense of someone else’s dignity (or safety) seems a little on the cruel side. Do you agree?

Think about this. If you prank everyone you know on a constant basis, do you think those victims will be prone to rescue you in your hour of need? Don’t count on it. They’ll either think your lying (or playing another prank on them). The truth is the last thing they’ll guess your doing. Crying “wolf” too many times is never a wise thing to do.

Instead of being a jokester, find a more productive pastime.

Paint (draw, chalk) a masterpiece, write a manuscript (or a blog), create a quilt (or your own designer clothing), or refurbish cars. Your talent possibilities are limited by your interests and your determination.

 Try being a blessing to another individual instead of choosing to be a burden. The sense of satisfaction you get from doing right is a high you can’t express. The look of sheer happiness on person’s face that has been blessed by you will hook you on constantly repeating this kind of act. Try it, and see exactly what I mean.

Buy More Stuff

Have you ever thought how media (in any form) has a very large influence on your purchases, and what you do as a person? On TV, you may be influenced (with no knowledge) to order and buy a pizza from a particular establishment, convinced to join a certain gym (because of the healthy-looking actress/model), buy an outfit that you saw because you are convinced you would look as delightful in it as the older woman on TV, and just because the actors on TV got relief from the knee brace advertised you feel it could be of great assistance to you.

Advertisers have done extensive surveying (and testing) on how to advertise products to where you will order them as quickly as possible. The movie channels that everyone knows of are experts in squeezing every possible tear out of their viewing audience even if you are not a big crier.

Remember, you are the one that makes the ultimate choice of being influenced by the media, or having your emotions influenced (negatively or positively) one way or the other. Remember, you have all the power. It’s true.

Unspoken

The next time you are at a party (or a family event) take a moment to listen, and see how many people are talking about death. Unless someone has recently passed away, being deceased is the “white elephant” topic in the room no one wants to discuss.

This issue scares us even though we know it is a natural part of the circle of life.  It makes us wonder about how we will deal emotionally with the passing away of those we love (e.g. aged parents, siblings, friends, and spouse). Eventually, it will happen to everyone we know including us. Have you ever wondered what might be spoken at your funeral, or printed in your obituary?

Once all the factual information in your obituary is done, think about what personal information you might want your friends and family to read. What would it say? Take just a few moments to consider this. I believe mine would be “Robert loved his family, his Chihuahuas, and his writing.”

Only you can answer the above. Other things it might be helpful to consider now might be your relationship with God (in regards to eternity beyond the grave), funeral plans (don’t leave this for your grieving loved ones), and the information needed for your obituary (so what you want can be included).

Like anything else in life one can plan ahead for those thins connected with death. This directive might be depressing, but can either be done now, or later by those wracked with sorrow that may have no idea of your wishes.

The Next Sarcastic Comment

On Christmas 2014, I received one of my all-time favorite Christmas gifts. It’s a gray t-shirt (in a size smaller than I usually wear) with large white lettering that proudly states, “NEXT SARCASTIC COMMENT IN.” The countdown underneath is in bright red numbering, and goes like this, “3… 2… 1…”

There is something so wrong (and offensive) about this shirt, but I love it. How do you take your wife telling you she just had to get this for you no matter size? What does it say about me that I know the shirt is true of me, and I’m not bothered by it? I embrace sarcasm (just ask my family). 

You would seldom find me being sarcastic (or rude) to strangers, friends or extended family. As wonderful as my mother is, she has been known (at times in her past) to have the ability to verbally put someone in their place. I got the ability to do be assertive) both verbally (from mom) and in writing (God-given ability). I think sarcasm with my wife and daughter is something I have developed as a protection (and defense mode).

Sarcasm with both my wife and daughter accomplishes nothing but a large argument where lots of things are said that no one really believes. I can say over much of the stuff I argue about in a much less abrasive way. Why don’t I? sarcasm is a cop out. It’s a lazy man’s rout of escape. Eliminating sarcasm in our world is something we should all strive to do. There would be a lot fewer flared tempers, and the world would be a much happier place.

Always Right

As a man, I dislike admitting my wife is smarter than me with all the common sense she has. My intelligence lies in making family doctor appointments (and reminders), getting library materials returned on time, and helping get laundry and dishes completed.  I’m only saying this once, but I definitely married up.

Just as Eve became Adam’s helper (assistant) in Genesis 2:20-21, Bobbi has helped me out in more ways than is possible for me to explain in this brief article. I can tell you that I wish God would have given me just a thimble full of her sense.

When it’s come to her accuracy on home remedies (that will fix what ails you), Allena’s anticipated behavior, predictions on the direction other people’s behavior will take, and how I should precede in almost any direction in my life my wife tens to be completely accurate.

I hate to admit this, but one day when it’s my time to go I hope I pass away after my wife instead of before. I have no doubt Bobbi could survive as a widow. I on the other hand would be a different story. (Remarriage might be needed immediately) My wife has always had her finger on the pulse of this family better than me. I’d be in a world of hurt without her.

Bobbi has tried to show me multiple times on how she does the bills. After several minutes of explanation on a computer spreadsheet, my eyes glass over, I yawn constantly, and am ready for a nap. Somehow, if I were the primary bill payer, there would have to be a unique system that made sense to me.(It would not be Bobbi’s way that involves moving funds around in all directions to pay our creditors.)

If you have a female in your life, that compliments your personality to perfection, give thanks and tell her how much you continue to need her. Isn’t God good (all the time)?

Word Power

Though there have been many times in my life where the spoken word has caused me to react in various ways, two come to mind that thirty-eight years apart. The first somber example happened when I was thirteen (about two months shy of my fourteenth birthday.) My father had just been killed in a car accident, and my paternal grandparents had come to spend time with our family. I can never forget what my late Grandma Kinker said to me. “Now you’re the man of the house.”

Over the years, I’ve thought about the power of that statement. By no means, do I feel my grandmother meant any harm with that statement. To her, it was a fact that someone had to step in to help my mother with all the duties around the house. I was the oldest child of a total of three. I had no idea how to step in the shoes of my father. How does a teenage boy do that? Though I slipped into the role of “mom’s helper” so effortlessly, I found out year’s later that my mom had felt she’d leaned on me more than she should have.

The second comical example happened for me at the age of fifty-one. My wife who had a part-time job as a cashier at a local store got me a part-time position as a utility worker at that same store. One of the store’s employees told my wife it would be nice to have an adult working along with the college-age cart retrievers.

I was thrilled to realize I would be working with another adult until I realized I was the adult being mentioned. Though my wife had told me to not embarrass her, many times I could do a great impression of acting child. If I was the chosen adult in this group, someone was about to be disappointed. The only thing I could do was rise up to what they expected of me. I could do this for the sake of my family (and the bills this salary could pay off). Can you see by both of the above examples the power that words (and thoughts) had on me? Be careful with what you say because you have no idea of the affect it might have on someone.

The Golden Rule

Since you were a child you’ve heard of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  The Golden Rule is abbreviated from Matthew 7:12 of the Bible. Have you ever thought of making kindness a way of life? It’s a lot more enjoyable to spend your life happy than as a grouch.

It’s important to note than when you are seeking to be positive to other people with your words that your facial expression and body language also reflect what your voice is saying so that you don’t come across angry or sarcastic, which is not your ultimate intention.

You can have no idea what a profound effect a compliment may have on another individual. You might have made their morning after a horrible fight with their spouse. Possibly complimenting their clothing may have made a positive difference in how they see themselves.

Maybe they were in suicidal depression, and your sincere thoughtful comment pulled them out of their negative funk. With all of the above scenarios, someone decided to be a blessing to someone else. This practice is addictive. You may want to do it all the time. Give it a try.

The Attractions at Femaleworld

I have lived with outspoken females my entire life. The list is way too long for me to tell you all of them. This article pertains exclusively to my wife and daughter, Bobbi and Allena. Though there are no zoo animals or fun carnival rides in Femaleworld, I have made many trips there (more like forced kicking and screaming) to this unique land. (Femaleworld is foreign to me though it is right across the border from my Maleville.)

In Femaleworld, tears seem to be a universal language for fear, stress, anger, happiness, and probably other emotions I’ve chosen to forget. Too much emotion can bring on small visits from Tinkle Bell the pee fairy. (This is the most kosher way for me to say this.)

Drama is also a big part of this special world. It happens a great deal in couple fights or young adult females (in the world of dating or employment). For those ladies that still have monthly visits from Aunt Flo, both the female and male are usually irritable (men can do no right during these special monthly times), cramping, and lots of bleeding (that I wouldn’t wish on anyone). It’s best for the man in this situation to make trips to the store for feminine hygiene products. Please stay out of the house.

All females (with very few exceptions) want to feel beautiful, be treated gently (no matter their body size), shown respect for their unique qualities as a woman (from those males closest to her), and enjoy to smelling like a lady and dressing like one to (in whatever form that takes). Some Women have the ability to know (or feel) other female’s needs before they are ever thought of or verbalized to others.

All men do things for the women they love. The visits to Femaleworld are usually short and painless. I have often heard it said that happy women make for a joyful life (paraphrase). God did not make women to be another form of a man. They are so different from men with all the richness and variety they offer to the citizens of Maleville.  So lets give out a loud cheer for one of the best pluses that makes a man’s world a delight to live.

Spending Spree

Do you (or someone you know) find shopping a mystical experience? Using your credit card to purchase a variety of items empowers you, gives you a good feeling, and helps you see all as right in world. At that moment, you are not thinking of the debt (and interest) you are incurring with your purchases, it’s anyone’s guess if you really need all the things you have acquired on the shopping trip. (Maybe these are wants instead.) 

In my family, credit has been both a blessing (when there is a legitimate need and cash is non extent) and curse (when payments come due). Experts say it is best to live within the income you make. Get a second job (part-time), or sell household items to get your overall debt paid off as soon as possible.

Though experts may not agree with me, here are a few emergencies that I advise the use of a credit card (if funds are unavailable). They are survival after a natural disaster (tornadoes, earthquakes, fires, and tsunamis), medication, airplane ticket (or gas, food, and monies) to an out-of-state event (wedding or death).

Whatever it takes (possibly psychological counseling) for you to get out from under the heavy load of debt you are carrying right now, be an overcomer.   I know you can do it even if you have to work two jobs for a short period of time. This is achievable. There many good consumer credit counseling services that have the ability to get both your debt (and credit card interest rate) lowered considerably. Hopefully, as a result you can realize there are solutions (or help) out if you only ask for it.

Night, Night

I have a confession to make. In every church I’ve attended since I was young, I’ve consistently fought drowsiness during the sermon portion of the service. My first actual memory of this was in my teen years in the church I grew up in. I was in the choir, which was on an elevated platform in back of the pastor. The choir stayed in the choir loft for the entire service.

Once I sat still for the sermon, the desire to sleep hit hard for the entire congregation to view in all its glory. Getting anything out of the sermon was futile. First attempts to fight drowsiness involved pinching me hard on the arm, then moving around on the seat, and the last of all struggling with every fiber of my body to keep my head from bobbing. Magically, I was wide awake as soon as the service concluded.

In years to follow, the element of a wife as “church wake-up patrol” was added. Her duties include sharp jabs in the side and whispers of, “wake up, or go walk it off out in the hallway.”As I proceeded to the vestibule, I hoped the pastor was not paying attention to my disruption.

After the service (as we were driving home) my wife (in her brand of wife love) made me aware of how the sermon was something I needed to hear because I was dealing with this in my life right now. “Your problem is spiritual in nature. Satan didn’t want you to hear today’s message. He was successful.”

Even though I don’t like it, I have learned to come to terms with this minor default in my Christianity. No matter what anyone says (or solutions offered), I don’t see this issue changing anytime soon. The other option, which I won’t consider involves not attending church. Church (and my relationship to God are an intrinsic part of the man I am today).

Home Alone

In December 2014 during a five day trip my wife and daughter took to Missouri for the wedding of a niece, I realized just how much I despised being home alone. I volunteered to stay home to watch our three Chihuahuas since all the options that were checked into were unaffordable.

Even though my canine companions are lively with their own set of unique barks, two female family members tend to make their own distinctive sounds even when they doing nothing (or are in different parts of the house. My week as a single man was filled such time consuming events as my part-time job of shopping cart retrieval, volunteering at a Breakfast with Santa, and caroling (and praying) with my church in a residential neighborhood. Needless to say, I was glad to see my family return from their trip.

My mother is a two-time widow (lost my brother as well to a seizure). Though she does her best to stay active, she still lives in a house by herself. She has often told me to be good to my wife. Once they are gone, one wonders if the disagreements were really that important in the end. (Regret and guilt make horrible roommates.) Mom has told me she’d love to have any kind of discussion (good or bad) with her second husband. Be good to your family. They add a lot to your daily life. Remember,  they won’t be here forever.

The Two Sides of Robert

According to the one woman I dearly love (my wife, Bobbi), she got two men for the price of one when the matrimonial knot was tied on November 13, 1993. The “nice” Robert is the man she fell in love with, and wanted to start a family with.

Occasionally, the “mean” Robert makes guest appearances. If this side (not multiple personalities) of Robert could be banished from the Kinker household, he would be put out with the weekly trash. It’s anyone’s guess which one is present on any given day.

The “nice Robert” is giving, loving, non-argumentative, finds his adult daughter entertaining, is concerned about the well-being of the family (including the Chihuahuas), creative (with limits), and loves the things of God. (He usually makes very quick visits to show his existence.) This side of my personality reminds me a lot of a sunshine and daisy-filled meadow full of fuzzy, frolicking puppies. It may make for a charming picture, but very few people can remain this way personality-wise for their entire life. Though the “nice” Robert big guy, he comes off as a gentle giant.

The “mean” Robert sometimes visits for several weeks at a time.  This side of my personality is cranky from hunger, sleep deprivation (nap alert), or needs a romantic romp in the sheets (with Bobbi). At these times, I am obsessive, have no patience with almost everybody, blunt (and opinionated), makes emotionally-based decisions, and uses screaming (as an easy problem-solving alternative).

I am irritated by almost everyone I come in contact with, and attending church turns into a drudgery instead of something I do with joy (as a gift to God).  

The “mean” Robert could be likened unto getting two flat tires in a winter rainstorm on a narrow country road at night. It’s cold, wet, dark, and you aren’t in the mood to deal with this problem. (Is this picture so unpleasant to you that it makes your whole face pucker?) The “mean” Robert is an intimidating ogre with his face and ears turning fiery red whenever he is extremely angry.

Anyone who knows and loves me (unconditionally) has met both Roberts. Both sides of me can be charming and interesting (at times). Whether it is agreeable or not, I am a combination of both of these personalities. Like all of us, both the good and bad make us the memorable characters we are today.

A Double Standard

When it comes to society’s moral code, it can’t be trusted. Where it might be acceptable for a woman to remain a virgin until marriage, a man who makes this decision is thought of as less of a man. Calling a guy a “virgin” past a certain age is considered as evil (I believe) as a girl being raped. Be assured that virginity at any age is the right decision for both a male and female.

Abstinence is the only complete cure to prevent sexually transmitted disease (STD).  Masturbation (for either sex) is not a permissible way to remain sexually pure. The habit is more addictive than alcohol. It promotes a person to go deep into themselves rather than reaching out to things like support groups in dealing with sexual issues.

For teenagers struggling in this area, an item like a purity ring could be helpful. It is an outward symbol to God and family that this person will remain pure until marriage.

What does The Bible say about this topic? I Thessalonians 4:3, 7 Galatians 5:19-21, I Corinthians 6:13-19 and 9:27, Romans 13:13, and Proverbs 5:15-21 are provided for your biblical curiosity. This is not a topic that will be resolved any time soon, but the discussion can begin with this article.

The Myths of Christmas

Jesus coming down to earth from Heaven in the form of a helpless baby is a wondrous event to celebrate each Christmas. With this familiar (and inspiring) story are several fallacies I hope to debunk in this article so the light of truth will be completely evident this holiday season (and all year round). The true answers are always in The Bible, God’s word.

The wise men (magi) and the shepherds did not arrive at the stable to see the baby Jesus at the same time. In Matthew 2:9-12, the magi followed a star to a home where the Christ child was with his mother only. (There is no mention of Joseph as is often depicted in many church Christmas musicals.) Religious scholars’ best estimate of Jesus age is around two years of age. Two years is also the amount of time it took the wise men to get to Jesus. To combine both of these groups of people together at the manger, makes for a nice contrast as well as a concise package that doesn’t drag the Christmas story on forever.

The beloved Christmas carol, We Three Kings of Orient Are, is biblically incorrect. No where in the story of the magi is a number given of men that appear in front of the Christ child. There were three gifts (gold, frankincense, myrrh). It is assumed that each gift corresponds to just one wise men. What if each gift was massive in size and several magi brought it? What if the scripture did not mention all wise men in attendance or all the gifts given?  The Bible could be silent here. We just don’t know if we have all the facts, or just the ones God wanted us to have.

No where in scripture are Christians (or anyone else) commanded to celebrate Christmas in The Bible.  Does tradition tell the obedient Christian they should do this? Jesus was born December 25^th. This is the date His birth is commemorated. Shepherds would have been outside with their flocks of sheep in the hills of Bethlehem in summer to early fall when the weather was warmer.

Christmas was originally a pagan holiday that the religious community decided to make their Christian version of. Hopefully, this article has served to give you the real facts behind the story we all love so much, but are still learning more about all the time. The infant is now a man. He loves everything about you. Trust me.

My Favorite Barber Plaque: A Story

In January of 2013, my seventy-seven-year-old father, Jackson Earl Kinkirk, died of an unexpected stroke at his job, Earl’s Neighborhood Barbershop. Dad and his partner, Franklin Murphy, ran the town of Oaksdale’s, OH, only barbershop located on the west side of town.

I am the only child of the fifty-year marital union of Earl and Barbara Kinkirk. When I think back on my dad, I realize hair milestones were a regular part of his life that occurred on a regular basis with my father’s unique hair cutting abilities. The stories I heard were too many to count on all the toddlers he’d given first-time haircuts to; teenage guys that wanted to have their bushy hair trimmed perfectly for their special prom date; and jittery grooms- to-be that didn’t really need a haircut as much as my father’s assurance from a happy marriage that they were making the right decision.  When a man’s life came to an end, dad willingly worked with the local funeral home to offer his services at no charge.

Maybe my aversion for long hair came from all haircuts I received at the hands of my father. I am certain all the countless hours I spent at Earl’s Neighborhood Barbershop also helped to shape my preference for short hair. The countless males of all ages that came to the barbershop for a coffee or plain or flavored water (no cola or pop) and some good conversation with no haircut in the near future was a regular event.

When I think Earl’s Neighborhood Barbershop, there is an antique plaque on the wall in back of my father’s barber chair that comes to mind. (Dad was a big cheapskate. He could make a penny squeal for mercy. ) This day he bought item for a reasonable price at an auction in Ladeesville, OH, when I was just ten years old. 

One winter day in my mid thirties (now fifty), I decided to take a picture of the antique plaque with my cell phone, and research it on the internet.  My mom and dad had always wondered about the real story behind the antique plaque.

The thirty-six inch high twenty-four inch wide antique plaque was actually a painted trade sign made of tin. It was valued at four thousand twenty-five dollars. Knowing my “I- love- a- bargain” father, I was sure he’d not paid anything close to something that had come out of a Virginia attic.  No information was provided as to how the object found its way to Ladeesville, OH. This 19^th century item was mounted in a wooden frame with black bold graphic letters advertising hair cuts for 15 cents and shaving for a dime near the middle and bottom.

At the top is a double ended barber’s pole with globes at both ends. The cylinder is in the traditional colors of blue, red, and white. If you look close at the sign, one can assume there must have been a sale on hair cuts one day, or some barber realized he need cut the nearby competition by slashing prices by a dime. Someone painted over the two making it a one. That would be from a quarter to fifteen cents for this service.

My Dad and Franklin never offered shaves at Earl’s Neighborhood Barbershop (though men had asked for it).There was always too much of a chance to possibly hurt someone with a sharp straight razor. It always amazed me how inexpensive barber services had been at one time. Of course in those days that was probably expensive.

When dad left Earl’s Neighborhood Barbershop midway though the New Year, haircuts were running around twelve dollars.  It has always amazed me how much more I miss him with each passing day. The pain is still strong.

When I was a ninth grader at Oaksdale High School, one of my classes had a PARENT CAREER DAY.  My mother opted out as the role of a housewife was not exciting enough in her eyes.  My big, loud, boisterous father stepped in. Some of the most horrifying words ever spoken came from that teacher. With “Kevin, would you please introduce you father,” I was afraid my life would come to an end and the bullies in this classes would have real ammunition and not just the stuff they made up in their minds.

Dad’s presentation was fun and interesting. I learned a lot of barber history I had no idea about. I was impressed with the amount of work Dad had put into this. All these years later, a very small amount of that information has remained in older brain.

Barber poles (or staffs) began in the middles ages with a helix of red, white, or blue stripes.  The origin of red and white on the barber pole represented the bloody bandages used in blood letting. The barber pole itself represented what people held onto to increase blood flow. Barbers could also be dentists and surgeons. Some people thought the red stripes represented arterial blood while the blue was symbolic of venous blood.

The last piece of information I remember Dad gave made the ninth grades boys howl with glee. My friends wanted to book a trip to Asia when my Dad informed them that white and blue barber poles in Asia signaled a brothel.

I smiled as I thought on all the memories I’d spent with Dad over the years. Though I’d retired from one job, In the near future I hoped to get my training as a barber and continue the legacy my father and Franklin began at Earl’s Neighborhood Barbershop. I had to do this for Dad.

I Want More

Some people don’t see prayer as a loving communication between God the Father and His child (John 15:7, I John 3:22). Instead it becomes a selfish act (James 4:3) much like Christian artist Babbie Mason describes in the chorus of her song Shopping List. See if you agree.

Gimme this, I want that,
Bless me Lord I pray.
Grant me what I think I need to make another day.
Make me wealthy. Keep me healthy.
Fill in what I miss
On my never-ending shopping list.

Even the author of this article has had his “shopping list” moments. I’ve always had a fascination with my desire to be on TV. Some of the shows I’ve applied to be on are Trading Spaces (along with my wife), The Biggest Loser (thought this reality show might help me shed a few unwanted pounds), Extreme Weight Loss (this extreme year long exercise, weight loss, and life style regimen also seemed an acceptable manner in wanting to slim down a bit), and even The Oprah Winfrey Show (I wanted Oprah to interview me about the book I had just published. I mailed a copy of it to her. I hoped I could get the fame and wealth I felt I deserved.)

A loving Heavenly Father never granted any of these “fifteen minutes of fame” desires. I prayed earnestly for Him to grant my wishes when I was going through all of these various scenarios.

Believe it or not all of these shows had one common thread for me in my mind. Whether it was losing weight, decorating a room, or becoming a world-famous author, I was hoping some TV show would wave a magic wand over my life to make me thin, rich, and have some part of my house well-decorated.

Nowhere was God part of any of these equations. I needed to realize that the good stuff in life requires hard work on my part. (No one can do that for you.) Positive things happen when a loving Heavenly Father is integrated into your hopes, wishes, and dreams (Philippians 4:13). Looking back now as a man in my fifties, I am so thankful I did NOT get my heart’s desire. a loving Heavenly Father knew best.

Miracles by Mom

Dear Mom,

Being of a mature age, I look at how you’ve dealt with the deaths of two husbands, a son, and your father. Both your sanity and faith have amazingly stayed in tact. I shake my head, and wonder how you did it. At the age of thirteen, I vividly remember when dad died. How did you keep it all together to raise three teenagers (Robert, Kim, and Jim) alone on a school bus driver’s salary?  There are those times Allena (my adult daughter) pushes me to the absolute edge of my abilities as a father. How were you able to deal with all of us? Let me say once again, “You amaze me.”

In your golden years, I realize that I am responsible for a lot of the wrinkles and gray hair you have. Everything about you puts a big smile on my face. This includes your long skirts and jackets, the curly, frazzled hair, all the stuff you keep in the back seat of your car (traveling hoarder), and your “Jesus” pins.  You are definitely someone I cannot afford to lose. (One day when you are gone, a part of my heart goes with you too.) One day I hope to be just like you.

Over the years, I have watched you. Though depression has hit you often, you’ve never given up on life.  You just keep chugging on though sometimes at a crawl.  You have been an encouragement to so many people.  That is because you have truly never met a stranger. It does not matter whether it is the clerk at your bank or a millionaire; you manage to find a common thread with anyone you meet. 

When people meet you, they understand me. You are the key that unlocks who I am deep inside. I believe our similarities make it easy for us to understand each other.   I had better close this letter because you know both of us can talk forever.  I love you now and forever.

Your Boy

Membership Privileges

On July 29, 1996, (at approximately 8pm) the life I thought I knew was radically changed by the arrival of a much anticipated daughter the wife and I named, “Allena Desire’e Kinker” (after my middle name Allen). Membership to the Father/Daughter Club doesn’t happen to all men. God only allows it to the select few men that can deal with it (at least 95% of the time).

I’ve discovered that raising an adult female (the job is never done) is much like being in a canoe without paddles. You know you’re going somewhere, but the final destination is often out of your control (so you just as well enjoy the trip).  Bringing up a daughter can be a thin tightrope between love and irritation.

Among the positives of membership are:

1.   At times a father realizes just how lucky he truly is to positively influence his daughter’s life.  The love in your chest for her (and the pride in her accomplishments) almost leaves you breathless at times. (Of course when you see your not-so-great qualities reflected in her actions, it makes you wonder if she has a chance in life. The wife strongly encourages you to take action immediately.)

2.   Only absolute love could make a grown man go to a grocery store (or pharmacy) to pick up female sanitary supplies for the daughter that means the world to him.

3.   Discussions with your daughter in private have revealed a much deeper person than you originally anticipated.

4.   When your daughter is out of the house (whenever that is) her bedroom will be converted to the library you’ve always wanted (but never had room for).

5.   You can’t remember a time when your daughter was not part of your life. (Your world and your life are better because of her.)

Among the negatives of this membership are:

1.   Drama (which you inadvertently become a starring player in) comes in the forms of girlfriends and the boys she’s dating (You’re scared because you are certain of what they want, and it don’t fill you with joy).

2.   You’re baby girl (now a woman) drives on major freeways by herself to get to college, work, and boyfriends. She gets distracted as easily as you are frightened for her safety. There are no warm, fuzzy feelings in you.

3.   You can’t quite figure out why your daughter willingly chooses to live in the trash dump you call her room. Her cleaning it doesn’t seem to last for very long.  (You’ve harped on her cleaning it so much that the excuses, for why it’s not done, no longer surprise you.)

4.   You wonder how an iphone can become an additional vital appendage to her body. (Are talking and texting really that important in the scheme of life?)

5.   When did your daughter’s social calendar become busier and more important than yours?

6.   The only male that will consistently enter her bedroom (as long as she lives with you) has big pointy ears, five teeth, is the size of a toaster oven, has four legs, and is covered in hair with a wagging tail. (The two of them discover her room to be a favorite place to chill out for hours away from the rest of the family.)

The Joy of Writing

Any person who has a hobby they are passionate can in a matter of just a few minutes tell you why they are enthusiastic (and in love) with whatever the hobby might be. I believe most writers (and authors) would agree on the list I have provided below as to why writing is a way of life for me.

1.   Writing allows me to share my opinion. (Shouldn’t you know my opinion more often?)

2.   Writing allows me to fictionalize that which I can no longer remember accurately (or don’t want to remember).

3.   Writing gives me some means of control over my life (when a lot of other things seem out of control).

4.   Writing is a quiet, solitary activity that allows me to listen to that quiet voice in my head (Some might call this meditation).  

5.   Writing allows me to create something which other people enjoy, and I take great pride in.

6.   Writing will (hopefully) one day in the future be a means of extra financial income for my family.

7.   Writing (and being a published author) is a great conversation starter at any social gathering.

8.   Writing immortalizes some part of me for future generations of my family and friends. (Could anyone who knows me really forget me?) 

9.   Writers are (in a greater sense) teachers. They have something so important to impart that they have recorded it in either an electronic, audio, or book format.

10.                     Writing (to someone you know) is among one of the most personal, intimate things that can be done for another person.

What’s keeping you from writing (or journaling) right now?  Don’t procrastinate another day. Remember, someone needs to read what you have to say. (It could change their life forever.) May writing become a way of life for you that you will never stop.

The Dream of Complete Honesty

What would it be like if total honesty with others was the norm, and something we didn’t avoid just to be nice. Will you just dream all about complete honesty in our world today with no repercussions? This is how I would respond to the situations below.

Aunt Thelma (Dad’s sister, 80’s) brings her horrendous applesauce cake to every family potluck. The bread is tough and smells like vomit. “Aunt Thelma, why do you keep bringing this terrible bread to every family get-together? It’s as hard as a brick, and smells like road kill. No one likes it. Is this the only thing you know how to bake? Next time buy a dessert from the grocery store. Our mouths (and throats) would appreciate it. I refuse to lie to you anymore about your applesauce cake saying it is delicious when the opposite is true.”

You are an Administrative Assistant at Grogan Computer Works. Your boss has absolutely no regard for you as a woman. He thinks the world revolves around him. “Don, I’ve had it with all your patting me on the butt, asking me to stay late whenever you please. I have kids and a husband that need me too. I only work here to pay bills. I dislike you tremendously. Why would you call someone in the hospital to ask about a client when they are getting ready to have gall bladder surgery? Do you have any brains, or an ounce of compassion? After all, I have been your PA for fifteen years now.”

You are in need of help with the housework. It has become overwhelming. Many times your spouse does nothing when he does assist the items are done incorrectly. “Jack, I will say it flat out. You are lazy. Get away from that TV. If you don’t help with this mountain of laundry, I’m bagging your stuff up for The National Kidney Services. I can kick your butt out of this house, and be a single mom if I have to. You think I’m joking. Just try me, and see what happens. I am completely on the edge.”

Hopefully none of these examples hit too close to home. Remember, the world you live now does have repercussions for talking like this. Absolute honesty can hurt feelings, conclude jobs, or separate marriages. Before opening your mouth, consider how your words will affect others. (Can you pay the cost?) Consider both the positive and negative of total honesty in your life. Best of luck.

Fudge Frosting to My Chocolate Brownie

Dear Kim,

Over the years, every family member (dead and alive) has gotten a letter written about and to them except you. I’m not sure why that is, but I want to correct that right now. Like the Virgin Mary, you were chosen for a very unique assignment—being my younger sister.

Over the years, our shared good (and bad) memories have intertwined together so completely that it’s difficult to tell where one of us begins and the other ends.

Though my immediate family (including the three Chihuahuas) are the cogs of my daily life, I’ve often pictured you (in the long run) as God’s personal assistant (as He weaves the tapestry of my life). Your sisterly advice to God might go like this, “God are You sure about that? He’s going to get rather grouchy if You make that choice. It will be hell for my sister-in-law and niece.”

I hope you always know I am here for you 24/7. You have enriched my life more than you can imagine. I can’t imagine my world without you. Truly, you are the onion dip to my potato chips. I’m so happy you have always cherished me-- warts and all. It’s time to sign off.

Love,

Your Oldest Brother

The Explosion

Is your anger closer in type to an erupting volcano or a rapidly boiling pot? The erupting volcano personality usually screams (when his irritation is beyond what can be handled), turns red in the face, and can become physically or verbally abusive if not stopped (as soon as possible).

The boiling pot personality may give out the silent treatment as they are seething with extreme anger internally. Irritation may only be slightly visible on the face. Watch out for the sarcastic comments to come out at you like missiles.

Both personality types get results when they are angry, but in very different ways. The extra loud shouting of the explosive volcano individual gets results almost instantaneously. Customer service personnel will do everything they can to quiet that person, or they will call the supervisor, police, or both. The boiling pot individual commands attention with their low authoritative, steely voice (with a face to match). No customer service personnel dare cross their path, or someone will pay.

If you see yourself in one of the above anger models, please get counseling or medication assistance as soon as possible (if that is needed). There is no fun spending the majority of your life angry, and not knowing why. There could be a better you just below the surface that is waiting to get out. I know you can do this.

Uncomfortable, but Needed

A chill runs down by back as I get ready to admit the following: “God has spoken to me.” The overwhelming feeling that you are supposed to be doing an assigned task (whatever it might be) that just won’t go away. The Bible is full of all kinds of people that have been in the same situation I’ve been in.

My 2014 episodes are as follows: In November 2014, the first God moment that was laid on my heart I was to tell the lead pastor of the church I attend “that God loved her very much.” In conjunction with that I was to give her two used calendars from the late 1980’s that dealt with “talents” and “women of the Bible”. (I’d discovered them in a box from the garage I was cleaning out.)The actual Sunday “the transfer” happened was rather rushed and anti-climactic. My arguing with God the week prior that this was crazy had not stopped the delivery as assigned. (I later discovered through a thank-you note from the pastor that my obedience to God in doing what I did had meant more to her than I could imagine.)

My next God moment occurred in December 2014 in a warehouse club store. The face of a receptionist (name unknown) from a urology office I’d be visiting the next day came to my mind.  I happened to stop at the table of the 365 day “tear-away” calendars.

Though I was gravitating toward looking at the more humorous calendars, God lead me to the inspirational Joel Olsteen one. He very clearly spoke to my heart with the words, “Give her this to bless and encourage her.”The actual deed the next day was rushed (and awkward) as I gave her the unwrapped calendar (God was specific about not wrapping it up for Christmas). I got a “thank you” from the unnamed female (whose name I later discovered).

I wish I could assure you both God assignments were wonderful experiences. Instead they were awkward, embarrassing ventures outside my own faith. In the future, I will continue to do what is requested of me in obedience to God. (He doesn’t let up emotionally until the assignment is completed.) I will say that it is a wonderful feeling to be assured God can use your frailty (and little faith) in service for Him. It can’t get any better than this.

A Prayer for You

Thank you so much so much for checking out my blog. Hopefully, in the variety of items you will find something both entertaining and mentally challenging.

I would like to do something for you right now via this article. Over the years my wife, Bobbi, has texted many prayers for whatever the need might be (resolution to a problem, a profitable day with as little difficulties as possible).

Though I don’t know you personally, would you allow me to mention you to Jesus in prayer? Let’s begin.

Dear Jesus,

I sense I have a new friend. I don’t know their needs, but You do. If their body or a relationship needs Your healing touch, please grant that. Give them emotional peace (and strength) in their daily life. Help them to sense Your presence throughout their day. Let them know that You really do love them. Allow them to be successful in the workings of their world around them. Jesus, I thank You for this individual. Please allow Your richest blessings to reign down on them. In Your name I pray, amen.

Somehow, I hope this helped. So you haven’t been to church in a while maybe for a variety of different reasons. (Did God disappoint you? Has a church emotionally scarred you?) God wants a second chance to connect with you. He loves you. Please visit Him. Remember your prayer to Him doesn’t need to be fancy. Cry out to Him like a frightened child in the middle of the night. He is patiently waiting for you after all these years.

Just Like Us

Have you ever wondered what your favorite Bible characters would be like today? Would Job’s family own a petting zoo? Would Samson own a gym? Would the Virtuous Wife in Proverbs 31 be “Mother of the Year”? Would Miriam be the Worship Leader in a local church? Is it possible Abraham could have been a cattle rancher?

Human beings (over thousands of years) are the same in emotion and motives (and actions). Clothing has changed from one time period to another, but people have not. When you read The Bible, please notice similarities in a person’s reaction to their particular situation. Could this happen today? If not, take into customs of that day.  This may be the missing piece to complete comprehension.

This kind of Bible study literally brings scripture to life in your world. You are more like your biblical ancestors than you might think. For more information on this topic, please acquire a copy of my book, All for One: The Towns of Ohio Complete Trilogy (produced by PublishAmerica).  May God bless you.

The Extraordinary Choice

Have you ever been asked to do a favor for someone (relative or friend) that went against what you wanted for yourself? Here are some examples of this. Your wife and son need to visit family for a week. Someone needs to stay home and watch your two German Shepherds (Carl and Carlene. Kenneling or dog sitting are not viable options for you).

You have posted a comment on your Facebook page that could possibly embarrass your extended family. Your brother has asked you to remove it. A sarcastic comment is on the tip of your tongue. In anger, you are ready to deliver it immediately to a friend of yours. The comment could potentially emotionally devastate your friend. You refrain.

There are really only two factors in restraining from doing as one pleases. Those would be love and fear. With fear, one refrains from doing something because of an unpleasant outcome. This is result based. With love, a person is cared for deeply. Out of respect for them, an action is refrained from. This is emotionally based.

Choosing to be selfless whether really want to or not is commendable, (Refrain from reminding the recipient of your action just how selfless you are being. Doing this can get ugly.) Making this decision can be painful (and strange) at first. The more you do it. The more natural the action becomes. This is a life-long pursuit into a more outwardly- focused life. 

Dorothy’s Ozniack: (An Unfinished Manuscript)

On March 7, 1863, a daughter, Dorothy Ann, was born to St. Louis actors, Jonathan and Millie Gael (Gale). As a sign of love for his new daughter, Jack adopted a black Cairn terrier puppy from the local dog shelter that he named Toto (short for Dorothy). Toto and Dorothy became inseparable, lifelong friends. 

          In 1868, Jonathan divorced Millie, and moved to New York to further his acting career with a merry tiny vaudeville actress named Etta Jewell. In 1875, Millie died of Influenza. Millie’s only sister and brother-in-law, Emma and Henry Gulch of Zeandale, Kansas, became the legal guardians of Dorothy and Toto (both were twelve at this time).

          The same year Dorothy arrived in Zeandale, she began having her Oz dreams on her Aunt Em and Uncle Henry’s farm. Later in her seventies, she verbally told all those stories to her only child, Carol Gattirez.  At the age of 80, Old Dot (or Dotty) was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and placed in the Rose Lawn Nursing Home in Manhattan, Kansas. Five years later Dotty passed away. This Ozniack (Oz for journal) found in her room. It covers the dates of September 1875 to September 1876.

September 1, 1875

Dear Journal,

          When my dog, Toto, and I arrived in Manhattan, Kansas, from St. Louis, Missouri, by train no one showed up immediately to pick us up. Had Aunt Em and Uncle Henry forgotten to pick us up? Eventually, a kind woman of tall stature named Miss Ellen Parker showed up in her carriage to take us all to the Gulches home out east in Zeandale, Kansas.

          We ate apples, fried chicken and cold dumplings on white china plates at the train station. Our carriage ride to the Gulches went quickly with my full stomach, all the talk, and the short nap I took.  According to the watch around Miss Ellen’s neck it was 1:00 in the afternoon when I woke up as we arrived at 69 Emerald Lane in the country. The cottage before my eyes was small and dreary looking. The landscape around me was dry, burnt grayish-brown, and flat.

          A thin, tan woman with my mother’s eyes (clothed in a grey dress with her grey hair in a bun) arrived at the carriage. She looked tired, nervous, and lacked momma’s eye twinkle as she introduced herself as my Aunty Em. She had changed so much for the worse, when momma and I had visited her two years ago. (I was ten then.) Soon a man with plastered hair, a long uneven beard in a filthy striped shirt showed up. Uncle Henry’s bright smile could not cover up the slight smell of manure that clung to his skin. I hugged both of them as we said goodbye to Miss Elloen, picked up our luggage and went inside the house (after putting Toto in the barn).

          The inside of the one common room Uncle Henry and Aunty Em called home did not have the charm of our St Louis apartment above the theater. In one corner was what appeared to be a kitchen (with a black cast iron stove, tables and chairs), the other corner had a curtained off area with a bed and mattress. In the furthest corner was a bed with a straw-filled mattress for me to sleep on. The outhouse (or privy) was between the house and barn outside. Dinner that night was runny beans and old crusty bread. I hated here so far. I wanted my old life back. Why did momma have to die, and papa have to leave me? I will write more soon as you, journal, are my only true friend right now.

Dorothy G.

September 7, 1875

Dear Journal,

          As I sat in school today, I was having difficulty keeping my mind on my studies. Our substitute teacher had the strange name of Baum. I kept thinking of momma and papa, and how much I miss them both.

          His dark brown hair and beard perfectly matched his kind eyes. The sweet smell of the smoke from his pipe will always be a favored memory of him. He loved to perform on the stage of the theater he owned. He had the gift of making people laugh, cry, or get angry as he willed with only the movement of his face. Did he leave because I did something wrong to make him not love us anymore?

          Before momma got sick, her perfume reminded me of roses and when she sang, I was happy and I knew for sure she loved us. Her blond hair glowed and her blue eyes sparkled when all was right as it should be in the world. I loved her hot oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins on a cold morning. When I was nine, she bought me a sparkly white dress to wear to papa’s theater.

I wore that dress until it I grew out of it. Before Momma died she made me promise to be good for her sister. She promised to always watch over and protect us. The school day has passed in the midst of my daydreaming, and my brother and I can finally go home to the new place we now call home.

Dorothy G.

September 10, 1875

Dear Journal,

          Something awful happened this morning before I left for school. I went out to the barn to feed Toto dead. Uncle Henry thinks my beloved dog died from old age at eighty-four. In human years, he was twelve just like me. The two of us quickly buried him next to Aunty Em’s previous dog, Rob Roy.

          I’m not quite sure how I will make it without my furry friend and protector who always adored me no matter what my mood was. We grew up together as the best of friends. When I slept at night, Toto was always next to me. When bad dreams sometimes scared me in the middle of the night, a pat on the back or scratch behind his ears would assure me all would be well.

When momma died and we traveled to here, Toto was the one thing that kept my world all right. How will things ever be the same without my wonderful dog?

          Dorothy G.

September 24, 1875

Dear Journal,

          I think maybe something good happened today though it was embarrassing. Before momma died, she tried her best to tell me that soon I would be entering womanhood where my body could make babies. She said some women called it the curse or Mother Nature’s monthly gift. With her as ill as she was, I heard little of what she said. (Papa had already left by then.)

          At lunch as I sat at my desk to eat the lunch Aunty Em packed me, I felt dampness soak my undergarments and dress. I looked down, and it was blood. I told Mr. Baum I thought I should go home. He agreed.

          When I got inside the house and Aunty Em saw my stained clothes, she immediately hugged me and kissed me several times on my forehead, and kept telling me what an important day this was before we went to change my undergarment, clothing and wipe me off.

          After all this was done, Aunty Em assured me my momma would be proud of me for entering womanhood. She explained to me what my body was doing and showed me how to prepare for my time every month. I felt confident I could do this by myself every month.

Dorothy G.

         

October 13, 1875

Dear Journal,

          I believe I had a wonderful dream last night of a magical, colorful, far away land called Oz. It all seemed so real. In the dream, I was seven with pigtails, living here, and in my favorite blue-gingham dress. Oh joy, my true friend, Toto was happy, alive, and with me. (He would have been 49 in dog years.)

          A cyclone took me, Toto, and the Gulch’s house to Oz. Uncle Henry and Aunty Em were in the cyclone cellar that was beneath the trap door in the house. Toto and I huddled together on my bed where we both fell asleep (after I grabbed Toto out from underneath my bed) since I could not get to the to the cyclone cellar

Dorothy G.

         

Leaving with a Friend

Create a scenario with this tragic, surprise ending. The car wreck you will be in will take your life. In the passenger seat next to you is the only survivor of this horrific accident. Who would you choose to be there next to you in your last minutes of life? What does the decision you made in this scenario say about your relationship with your choice?

My final answer may surprise you. First, let me tell you about those I did not choose. My adult daughter, Allena, would be screaming and not at all comforting. Her dog, Rosco, could not be in the seat next to me either. Allena couldn’t deal with losing her dog and father in the same day. Rosco will become her comforter.

There is no way I would want my wife, Bobbi, to see me die. Our daughter will need her for support during my demise. Lola is way to hyper in tense situations. If you have been keeping track of the family members I’ve eliminated, you know my final choice by now.

My wife’s male Chihuahua, Chico, was born in 2007. We got him two years later from the Franklin County Dog Shelter. Chico always sits on the driver’s arm rest whenever I run errands in the car. Those big black eyes, garbage breath, graying light brown fur, and expressive large ears have always comforted me as being at home, and spoke immeasurable wisdom (beyond his years).

I picture those final moments (if possible) like this. At first, Chico would be very nervous as he shakes wildly before he calms down and settles further in my chest as I hold him close to my heart. Chico has watched over me before. During my 2009 cancer scare, he and his brother kept vigilance over when the family was out of the house. Chico realizes his job as he gives me one last kiss. I look at him and whisper, “Buddy, you’ll be OK. Daddy loves his Chicy.” That quickly it’s all over, and I enter the afterlife feeling loved and cherished by a living being (a dog) that truly cared about me. 

Shades of Grace

When was the last time someone showed you unconditional grace? This shocking sensation is much like having a cold, wet towel thrown on your face on a chilly winter day. It’s quite unexpected. Grace is something we all wish to receive at various times in our life. God always knows when grace will make a life-changing difference.

Have you ever tried to show grace to someone who absolutely did not deserve it? Not an easy thing to do is it? It can require you to draw from a well of strength that you had no idea you possessed. When was the last time you showed grace to someone? Grace is neither easy (nor cheap) to give. It can cost you a great deal emotionally.

The following are some ways to show the gift of grace in your life: Refuse to angrily tell someone off who you feel desperately needs it (your rude bluntness); do a chore for someone before or without being asked; apologize for some wrong you’ve done in the past (and mean it); be observant and show someone their unique love language (quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch)

You have no way of knowing what is going on in a person’s heart and life when a sarcastic comment is made. Why not show grace, and save yourself painful guilt that will follow? Is it really worth being right all the time? Accept the freedom of imperfection.

The Bible has an opinion about grace. Ephesians 2:8, 9 and Romans 1:7 are verses that could be of benefit to you. Nothing will bring the full spectrum of grace into your heart faster than to be the recipient of undeserved grace. How many countless times has God shown grace for all the hurtful things you have done to Him. Are you greater than Him in not showing forgiveness to someone when it is required?

There is much worthy reading material on the topics of grace, love, or apologizing. The following are some of my favorites: One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian (grace), The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (love), and The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas (apology).

Please take this advice to heart from my personal experience. Do not tell the person you are giving grace to that you are doing it. That ruins the whole purpose of that kind gesture. Giving that prideful revelation could start a fight with you and the recipient of the grace. God wants you to keep that a secret between you and Him. Chances are the argument to follow could be of enormous proportions.  Your good intentions of grace will quickly vanish like fog does.

 You’ve heard the Nike tennis shoe commercial that says, “Just do it.” This slogan applies to showing grace to others also. The peace (and mental rest) that comes from offering unmerited grace makes you a better person and not a bitter one. I think if you give grace a try you’ll be hooked for life. With all the bad in our world, be a blessing to someone. What have you got to lose?