Amazing Grace by Patrick McCafferty

I was born into a Catholic family in Indiana as the eleventh child. The closest to me in age are four of my sisters. The older portion of my family I had little contact. They were my five brothers and oldest sister. Due to living on a hog farm everyone was busy and my main caregivers were my mother, three sisters as well as my brother Peter. I grew up hearing that Peter spent most of his time with me; he was eleven years older than me.

When I was two years old I experienced my first move to a larger hog farm. The new farm was challenging for my father due to unforeseen circumstances. While struggling to make ends meet my brother Peter was killed in a car accident at 13 years of age. My parents were not able to grieve the loss of their son due to the financial strains the farm brought into our family. Not long after this my father experienced a nervous breakdown.

This placed even more pressure on my older brothers. My siblings were annoyed with my presence because of the attention I needed at that age.  From the perspective of my siblings I was spoiled, from my own; I was regularly pushed away due to my needs and curiosity. My family was not able to recover from the financial burden the farm required and bankruptcy was the only way out.

At five years old we moved into town. This was exciting for me but the overall feeling in our home was defeat because of losing the farm. Due to my extraverted personality, I enjoyed this change because we now had close neighbors. Unfortunately, I remember feeling crushed when my first experience of walking down the concrete sidewalk, I was greeted with another five year old yelling at me to get off of his sidewalk since it was not my property.

Unfortunately my relationship with my father was very weak. He was the occasional disciplinarian in my life and nothing else. There were the sporadic evenings I would bounce a ball inside the house to him but I do not remember enjoying time with my father. I do remember a lot of rejection from him and my siblings. One Christmas, my mother needed a hip replacement and had to leave for the hospital. I remember a few women coming from a church into our home with presents for my sister and me.

I received a horse with truck and trailer. It was the first brand new gift I had ever received. My other toys were handed down or purchased from goodwill stores. This was my best memory of Christmas during childhood. My oldest sister April, who is 22 years older than me, watched over my four sisters and me while my mother was in the hospital.  She had a son, Noah, who was two years younger than me and we loved playing together.

When discovering a mud puddle and how fun it was, I asked Noah to join me. When we returned to the house laughing, my sister met me at the door with fierce anger and directed me to my parent’s room. She and Noah were in the room next to me. I heard Noah screaming and didn’t understand what was happening. Then April entered the room where I was, she said; “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you”. I had no idea what she was talking about. She then raised my father’s black leather belt and removed my pants and underwear and hit me surprisingly hard. I was completely confused and broken. Not only had I felt completely betrayed by my sister I had no idea why she did this.

Discipline was never methodical in the way April practiced this in our home, when father or mother were angry with me they would either yell or grab something and hit me or just use their hand. However, what April did was so confusing. I remember wondering, “How did this hurt her? Why did she use my father’s belt? She’s the meanest and strangest person in the world”!

While I was 7-8 years old my best memories were when my mother would drop me off at my older brother Chester’s home. His wife Lilly gave me the needed attention I longed for, even though she had two children of her own, she made me feel special. Chester also gave me small amounts of time that made me feel wanted. It was Chester and Lilly that brought me to a church where I learned about Jesus and accepted Him in my heart. I used to dread my return to home.

I had a very challenging time making normal friends. I either had strange outcasts or bad influences. Not long after this I began stealing from grocery stores. I enjoyed the attention when my mother caught me. I do not remember enjoying elementary school, I felt alone and rejected by most people. My closest sister in age, Dakota, was my playmate but I believe I bothered her more than we had fun together. I longed for a relationship with my brothers but the closest brother, Rusty, was thirteen years older and was focused on work and girlfriends. My brother Chester asked my parents to stop bringing me to their home because they were struggling in their marriage as well as striving to be good parents to their own children. 

My sister Belinda often took me on adventures she had with her numerous boyfriends. However, I was the third-wheel that my sister brought for her own safety so the boyfriends wouldn’t try anything to make her uncomfortable. I do remember being left alone with nothing to do while she and her friend would have their time alone. 

At 13 we moved to a small farm just outside of town. This was exciting because I had more room and more opportunities to do whatever I wanted. My father purchased a couple of young fillies for my sister Dakota and me. I enjoyed riding my horse and getting away from home.

My father and I spent more time together and I learned a lot at this farm about responsibility. My relationship with my father weakened more when I believed I was cheap farm help, but not very worthwhile. I was regularly accused of being stupid, lazy, overweight and irresponsible.

My parents did not believe in education, instead they saw public schools as evil. After finishing my sixth grade, my mother decided home schooling would be the better option. Unfortunately, she was not a teacher and there was no time to have any type of class. There was no consistency in our home except work and lots of it.

Because I was no longer going to school I was even less happy to be at my home all day every day, for this reason I was allowed to get a job with a local farmer. At fourteen, started working as a gas station attendant and enjoyed once again being away from home. I loved the attention I received from adults who regularly told me I was very responsible for my age.

My mother loved the Lord and regularly reminded me to praise God as often as I thought of him. I loved Jesus at this point in life; singing and worshiping Him came second nature to me. Since worship music was the only thing I was allowed to listen to, I knew a lot of songs about Jesus and I knew how to praise him.

I had an experience with God that I will never forget, he spoke clearly to me that he wanted me to be a missionary. This shocked me and not long after I stopped connecting with him as before. A friendship I started with a man 8 years older than me also influenced me to distance myself from God.

At seventeen I moved out of my home to work full time at a farm. Here I met people who believed in me and regularly commented about the potential they saw in me. Unfortunately, at this same time I had a friend who was a very bad influence on me. My stealing habits returned because I noticed my friend enjoyed doing this with me. Probably because most of what I stole I gave to him. When I was nineteen my brother Rusty caught me in the act.

While he was surprised and disappointed he became a true confidant. I remember being so thankful for him to be the one to help me. Without my permission he told my father about my life choices and my father gave him the money needed to obtain a lawyer. He took me to the police and I confessed. Rusty, who did not know the Lord, made a huge impact in my life.

I was facing prison, 5 felonies, several misdemeanors and many fines. By God’s grace I ended up with two misdemeanors and two years of probation. Rusty became like a father to me and helped me to get a great job to pay the lawyer fees and restitution. My perspective of my father changed when he proved he loved me by being there for me in one of my lowest points in life.

I rededicated my life to Christ and God reminded me of the missionary calling. My response to God was complete surrender and I was ready for my next orders. It was here where I opened my life to God in a way I had not in the past. I rejected, with confidence, any relationship that previously encouraged me to think worldly. My new friend was God; he spoke clearly to me in my prayer times.

He showed me BJU was the place to get my degree in missions even though I did not know what those letters meant and later found out it was Bob Jones University. Education was not a priority in my family and once again, my family rejected me, this time for wanting to return to school. However, nothing could hold me back due to the urging of God. The comments my unsaved employers and co-workers regularly made, built my confidence along with the calling God gave me. I believed I could accomplish anything God wanted.

Bible College was fun; I made many friends and connected with what I was studying. Even though I started school when I was 22 I knew God’s plan was unfolding in front of me. I looked forward to being on the mission field to be used of God. I was 24 when I married Ella, who also had a calling to missions on her life. I knew from the first day I saw her she would be wife. God led me in choosing the timing to ask her to marry me and many other important decisions.

During a short-term missions trip I remember a man commenting on the faith he noticed in me. He challenged me with this question, “What are you going to do when your faith feels like it won’t hold any water?” I remember being very disgusted with that question. It felt like an attack on my Savior. However, I didn’t realize just how that question would become my reality.

 We became missionaries to Tunisia, raised our support easily and had much to spare. This only confirmed I was doing exactly what God wanted. Learning the language came naturally as well as the desire to connect with the culture. The nationals affirmed our presence there and we saw God moving in powerful ways as well as in our own lives. The twin towers were brought down in New York not long after we arrived. This brought some fear, but we pushed through. After this God spoke to me about Ella being pregnant before she even knew and also gave me specifics about the baby, his gender, age and even gave me things to say to him when he was born. About two months later he died.

This was the third miscarriage we had but the first that God spoke to me about. This tore me up; my faith was being shaken. Not long after this the government of Tunisia demanded we leave due to the work we were doing there. I remember leaving the police station with Ella and having such amazing peace that God is with us. The other missionaries we were with told us we must fight against this because it was not God’s plan.

Ella and I had conflicting thoughts with them because we felt like God was telling us our time in Tunisia was complete. Instead, we took the advice of our mentors and tried to fight. We left Tunisia burned-out and extremely depressed. Ella’s struggle was great because of anxiety and other feelings. I left Tunisia feeling like I betrayed my friends and my mentors.

Especially when the quoted other missionaries who had to throw their wives overboard to continue doing the plan God set before them. On the contrary, Ella meant so much more to me than anyone else and I saw the work of God as third in priority to my life. My relationship with God is first, after that my family, only after these come my calling to minister the gospel. We received wonderful help from Departure Ministries in Dayton, OH.  

After this I felt like we were to find a ministry somewhere else but lacked the connection with God to find out where. I had pushed him away due to all the confusion. In reality, I know he was holding my hands in midst of all this pain. He wanted me to relax in his arms but I just couldn’t.

We were advised to return to the mission field to complete our first term. The place we were recommended to go was Jordan in Western Asia. I was very unhappy there and God showed me during this time I was being carried by him and not to be discouraged. I disliked almost everything compared to Tunisia, especially the food. I remember feeling so much tension between the Christian and Jordanian population.

I felt like a war could break out at any moment. The driving was extremely dangerous and people just seemed angry. I did almost no ministry while I was there. After experiencing our fourth miscarriage we completed our term and returned to the States and expected to return to Tunisia after we itinerated.

I was 32 when we adopted Jacob in the States. This too was a grueling process but thankfully only took about nine months. Jacob had been through a lot in his five years but it was very exciting to bring him home. God showed us his presence in our lives through this process in many ways. We had so many people rejoicing with us about this new part of our family, it was an exciting point in our lives. I was so happy to be a father, even though Jacob had many special needs I did not care. I wanted him to know he was loved and valued.

Normally, we visited my family in Indiana a couple times a year. I went to be with my parents again to encourage them as well as meet with some pastors to raise support for our return to the mission field. While I was there my father and mother completely rejected me and said they never believed I ever loved them because I left our family to go overseas.

They asked me to leave from their home and I cancelled my appointments with the pastors and returned to Ohio. My mother was physically ill at the time and she refused to see a doctor. I had no idea she was ill until I saw her. I remember feeling guilty for not being there and due to this guilt I demanded she get help. I know my parents were very afraid due to her illness and I am sure they regretted saying what was said. 

We completed our fundraising very smoothly again and God called us to return to Tunisia even though originally the government asked us to leave. Jacob thrived in Tunisia, because he knew he was loved.

During our time I became very involved with the international church as well as preparing a Christian library for expatriates in the area. I felt like I was doing something that was meaningless but told myself to prod on. Building a library from nothing is a lonely and tedious job.

A Tunisian friend of mine made the decision to ask Christ to live in his heart. We rejoiced with him until he told me his witch doctor claimed I actually poisoned him with a curse when he gave his heart to Christ. He told me the witch doctor spoke my name without previous knowledge to it. Not long after this while Ella’s parents were visiting. This Tunisian friend saw me stopped at a red light and began throwing several softball-sized rocks at my car. One broke through the back window hitting my mother-in-law and one almost hit me in the head. 

Now much fear was setting in my heart for the safety of my family. The relationship with the other missionaries never healed due to us leaving the first time from Tunisia so I felt alone. We asked for help from our mission network but felt as though we were over dramatizing the situation

I tried to stuff the fear I had as well as the mistrust growing for Tunisia in general, but I did not do very well with this. I told my Tunisian friend I forgave him but he was no longer welcome in or near our home. I believe God did a great work in his life without me in it but the trauma I walked away with that day changed my heart.

About a year after this I received a vision from God to resign as a missionary and return to the States to do marketplace ministry. I did not want to receive money from the ministry to do the work of the Lord. I wanted to be paid like everyone else did. I did not want to live as a secret agent anymore. I was worn out from the hidden truths of why we lived in Tunisia. I wanted a normal life.

We returned to the States when I was 34. I bought our first home and obtained a job and enjoyed having what seemed to be so much more normal than I had ever experienced with my bride and son. The job I had was a dead-end so I watched for other positions. During this time we had our fifth miscarriage, I did not even care at this point. I was not even present for Ella when she had the operation to remove the baby from her body. I regret that now, even though when we talk about it Ella tells me she understands. I found a new position to work and continued to try to enjoy this new life.

We discussed getting something done so we wouldn’t have any more miscarriages but I did not follow through.  When Ella found out she was pregnant again I was crushed because I had not done anything to stop this. I was sure it would be another miscarriage. My friends told me to see it differently and I warned them about speaking to me like this.

They backed down but continued being good friends. When we passed the first trimester I questioned the possibility but quickly tossed the hope aside because of the long pattern of loss. Spiritually I was a mess at this point. At 36, things were not working out like I thought they would. I had much higher hopes for us as a family. We were drowning in debt but refused to even consider that reality. When Nancy was born I looked into her eyes, I saw so much innocence, I saw God and his purity.

My spiritual life continued to be rocky and I wondered why I kept my credentials with the Southern Baptists. I searched for fulfillment by becoming a realtor and making money from the stock market and failed at both miserably. 

While I was struggling to know where I belonged I received a call that my mother had died of a heart attack. I remember feeling very sad at first but I also felt like she had already died in a sense to me. Not long after I discovered my oldest sister, April had been taking money from my parents without the approval of my mother. While my goal was to protect my mother’s wishes as well as expose the truth of my sister, I stirred up a lot of pain and caused much grief for uncovering this.

My father was doing this against my mother’s wishes and I wanted it to stop. He was so disgusted with me for meddling in this area. Once again it was clear I did not belong in Indiana.

I remember telling Ella when we left Tunisia that I will do whatever it takes to make it work in the States even if I have to take a job at Wendy’s. I secured a job as a manager there and received excellent insurance. When I was 39 my third child, Trevor, was born. It was very exciting to now have three beautiful children. However, I still felt displaced. I didn’t know what God wanted until he showed me to start a church in Westerville, OH.

I was very uncomfortable with preaching my whole life and the thought of having to preach every week frightened me but God asked me to trust him. After Ella and I looked at our own strengths it was clear that she be the lead pastor and I the executive pastor [at Huber Heights House of Worship]. We have been doing this now for about 3 years and love the way we are connected with God and being used for him as a team. He is teaching us the importance of being at peace in every situation, to relax even when the world looks like it is falling apart.

NOTE: This post has been altered to protect the identity of those involved, and upon the request of the author.

Between the Two of Us

For more years than I can recall, I’ve harbored a horrible secret almost nobody  knows (except my family). I simply do not enjoy putting any kind of Christmas paraphernalia up (tree with ornaments, nativity scene, Christmas card wreath, or external lights). There are no extra funds to pay anyone else to do it for me either. (This feeling runs in the family as my widowed senior mother hates this part of the holidays, and refuses to do it.)

For a while now, our daughter, Allena, has been the one to decorate our home with all the Holiday cheer. (When she is no longer living at home to do this task, I’m sure it will most likely cease to happen.)

Our daughter will only get a one week of winter’s break from Youth with a Mission in Akron, OH (see Distracted). She asked if all the Christmas stuff could be up. Soon the appearance of Christmas will come to stay (for a while) to the Kinker household.

When everything is up (inside and out), I will admit that it is breath taking. The only thought that runs across my brain though is “Who’s going to have to take all this stuff down, and put it back in the garage?” I know the answer it is always “Robert.”

Consider the following point to holiday purchases. In my fifties, I’ve reached a comfort level in my life where there’s not a whole lot I want or need. If there’s something that I really want (that’s big financially), chances are my wife (Bobbi), our family’s budget analyst, can somehow make our meager income squeeze out to purchase it (without waiting for Christmas).

For those of us that are followers of Jesus Christ, we know the birth of a tiny baby in Bethlehem (Luke 2:1-19) is the real reason for this upcoming holiday season (not all the holiday traditions we love to share).

For some, Christmas will be a season of difficulty (for various reasons) not of joy. Enjoy your time with those you love during this wonderful time of year. Why not put your real effort into encouraging those with a physical (or emotional) need? Isn’t giving what the spirit of Christmas boils down to?

A loving Heavenly Father gave the world the greatest gift of His Son (Jesus) wrapped in the form of a defenseless baby. Give your gifts to those you cherish the most during this time. Remember at this special time of year to bless those that have far less than you do. Pass on your goodness.

Christmas 2014. Holiday cheer by Allena Kinker.

Encouragement from a Full House

To: email@candacecameronbure.net

November 14, 2015

Dear Candace,

I’ve finished the audio version of Dancing through Life. As a Christian, I find your deep personal convictions refreshing, and demonstrate how much you value your relationship with Jesus.

Though I never viewed the Dancing with the Stars episodes you were on, who would think that so many positive Christian life lessons could be gleaned from your competition?

You have an excellent reading voice. It has a warm and friendly tone. (I appreciate all the scripture passages given to validate your beliefs. It shows your knowledge of the Bible.)

My wife, Bobbi, is also a Christian. (We’ve been married 23 years as of 11/13/15.) Every time Hallmark brings in a holiday movie) or Aurora Teagarden mystery series starring you; we both realize we will get something wholesome and entertaining.

You might enjoy the post “Inside Out” on my blog.  It was inspired by the two questions on the back cover of your audio book. God bless you as your light continues to shine brightly for Him. *

In Christ,

Robert Kinker

Jeremiah 29:11

*This e-mail has been changed from its original version.

The author and a woman of faith

A fabulous book, worth your time to investigate

Mind Games

In the Disney Pixar’s 2015 animated movie Inside Out, eleven year-old Riley is controlled by the emotions of Fear, Anger, Sadness, Disgust, and Joy. They all make her who she is as a female. At the beginning of the film, this question is asked:

“Do you ever look at someone, and wonder what’s going on inside their head?” This is one of the most unique questions I’ve ever answered on my blog who’d imagine I would discover it where I did. My wife, Bobbi, is not hard to read when she’s angry. The message I get doesn’t instill a sense of love and security in me, but closer to a healthy sense of concern.

There are some situations where reading a person’s mind would be entertaining and definitely informative.  What are congregation member’s thinking during the Sunday morning service? At your favorite store, where you had a problem with a recent refund (where you had no receipt) what was the cashier angrily stating about you in his head?

Your aged parents once again start on you about settling down with the right person, marrying, and giving them a grandchild one day. You can’t honestly give them the blunt reply in your head.

They would be hurt by your harsh words. Your boss at work is a pompous idiot. It would be wonderful to finally state what everyone sees as the obvious, but work is hard to find. You are in love with someone, who doesn’t know you exist. You want to let that person know your true feelings, but you’re afraid of what the reaction might be.

To some extent you can control what others think of you by your right behavior. Colossians 4:6 (MSG) states the most important thing. “Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, and not cut them out.” Are you currently doing this?

Riley's emotions (from left to right) Sadness, Fear, Joy, Anger (in red), Disgust

Total Recall

“If you had to choose, would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?”* One of my greatest fears in life is that one day in an advanced age I will get the brain disease known as Alzheimer’s, which causes loss of memory and mental abilities.

Whether my poor memory is due to the brain surgery used to detect my cancer in 2009 or having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), unless an event is extremely important I have difficulty recalling events that happened the same day, yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, or even years ago.

Part of the reason I blog is to have a record to read later about myself if one day Alzheimer’s should become a reality. I’ve been tested several times for this disease, and at this time there is no indication that my brain will ever deal with this eventual conclusion.

Neurological testing (due to the brain surgery) has noted what I would consider minor issues, but nothing to be overly concerned about at the current time. (At both tests, I was given five words and asked to recall them later. Though this was needed, it turned out to be frustrating and demeaning when I couldn’t succeed at it.)

The only positive of bad memory is that when I get in a disagreement with my wife, I don’t really remember it too well the next day. Of course, that is not the case with Bobbi.

So if I had to answer the above question, I would choose not to not be able to make new memories. Amnesia (a total or partial loss of memory) would have to a horribly scary thing for the person experiencing it.

 I can’t imagine what it would be like to no longer remember the people or places that made you who you are. For absolutely nothing, would I want to lose my reminiscences that give me my identity (even the painful ones).

It would be heartbreaking to no longer be able to make new memories. There are so many things to look forward to like possibility of a grandchild(s) from my daughter, writing many more encouragement blogs for my readers, growing old with Bobbi, and the list could go on.

What positive events do you have to look forward to in your life? Think hard, and write a list. Lamentations 3:21-22 (MSG) says “But there’s one thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, His merciful love couldn’t have dried up.” Always remember God loves you, and is there for you. Call out to Him. He is waiting.

*Adapted from 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind by Marc Chernoff (www.marcandangel.com)

Night, Night, Sleep Tight

The United States Sleep Foundation discovered that 25% of couples (nationwide) do not sleep (together) in the same bed. Lack of proper sleep has a long list of bad results it can cause.

They include such things as poor concentration (in a variety of situations), grumpiness (with the mood and attitude), reduction in the sex drive, fogginess with the memory, reduces cognitive functioning, weight gain, contributes to diabetes and high cholesterol, impacts heart health, and causes a negative physical appearance (dark eye circles, fine lines, ages skin, and makes skin lack luster).

My daughter, Allena, and I have struggled with sensitive hearing issues since we were elementary-age children. Colds, sad movies, and funerals all have one exasperating side effect for Allena.  Sniffling tends to make irritated (as she wants to flee from the irritating source, which has been me many a time).

Snoring is a noise I can’t tolerate. As a young boy being trapped in a bedroom or a car with my deceased younger brother (Jim) once he fell asleep wasn’t one of my pleasant memories of him. By the time I escaped him, I wanted to scream.

As a married couple, Bobbi and I have struggled many a times with sleeping together in our marriage. We’ve decided to separate to later sleep together again in our comfortable king-size bed.

Recently, the subject came up again due to a snoring canine that (Chico) sleeps with us due to my daughter’s absence six month absence to Youth with a Mission in Akron, OH, and a wife (Bobbi) whose deep breathing noises (and occasional light snoring) have become more intense since bariatric surgery in August of 2014.

Everything in me disagreed with the permanent solution (at least now) my head knew that had to happen (while my heart boldly disagreed). Bobbi isn’t happy with my choice, which she feels doesn’t encourage our marriage that has floundered at times.

Bobbi sleeps in our room on the basement level. (No longer does she have worry about me nudging her to turn over, or yelling at Chico to stop the snoring (one of the three Chihuahuas that sleeps with us in our bedroom).

With my adoring canine buddy Lola, I now sleep alone on the top floor across from Allena’s current room on the back side of our house (used to be our master suite). My sleeping room (located on the front side of our residence) used to be Allena’s old bedroom, but currently holds storage stuff. (I will make it my own straightened-up bedroom in the near future if this choice of mine remains permanent.)

Prominent features of this very small room include the colorful daisies and hearts Bobbi and I stenciled all over the walls. When the room is dark at night, one can see the twinkling stars I put on the ceiling for my imaginative, rambunctious off spring.

I need no ear plugs to blot out noises here because silence is the norm. I’m feeling more rested. I’m sleeping through the night except for the bathroom run which occurs around 3am, (and is typical for men in their fifties).

No matter your years together as a couple, if you struggle with this issue, please do me a favor. If your problem involves snoring have the offending person be tested for sleep apnea (a sleep disorder where breathing stops and starts continuously) before taking the drastic action of room separation (which may not be a good solution for you). Sleep apnea has some very user-friendly solutions.

If room separation seems to be the right solution for the both of you, be assured that this unpopular choice says absolutely nothing as to your love and devotion for your partner.

(If you are separating because of marital disagreements, the both of you need counseling.) Be assured a variety of couples have needed to make this tough choice. Chances are many of them are now better rested and functioning at an optimal in life.

Right now, you can do what needs to be done if it’s required. The Bible tells us, “Hard and honest work earns a good night’s sleep…” Ecclesiastes 5:12 (MSG) Here’s to you getting a rejuvenating night’s rest.

Don’t Fence Me In

It was a problem my wife Bobbi and I needed to solve in the very near future at an affordable cost. Our two male Chihuahuas, Chico and Rosco, had made a good friend with the small black Terrier-like puppy named, “Mia” on the other side of the chain length fence.

Many times the boy’s happy obsessive barking would turn into vicious fighting between the two brothers. Bloody cuts were often the result of this action. I believe all of this was a power struggle. It was a way for both dogs to show off their superiority for the newest female canine in their lives.

The Lowes Home Improvement store (where Bobbi works part-time on the weekends) has provided a solution to our dog situation. Twenty-two garden wire fence panels have been installed across the width of our very spacious back yard (see picture below). The fence has a decorative top leaf panel, easily linked together, and required no digging.

Since we were unable to purchase enough panels in one color for our yard, the fence starts out with twelve green panels and ends with ten black ones (multi-colored fence).

Fortunately, a “pee-pee break” is no longer a time for any of the dogs to socialize with Mia since no longer have access to her. The Lola comes in quickly as she wants nothing to do with that messed up love triangle, the boys do their business and occasionally throw a love-sick bark at Mia when she’s out in her backyard. Once again we are there only source of entertainment.

Just like my precious pooches, I often have issues with setting limits in my own life (emotional fences). It might involve the amount of time I watch TV, quantity food consumed, large amounts of blogging (as opposed to giving Bobbi much needed affection), or spending time with God in Bible reading and prayer.  

Are you someone that is constantly over committing yourself in places like home and church? Do you feel emotionally drained and physically exhausted a good part of your waking hours that it’s time revamp what’s most important to you.

If this is something you need help with, please see the Boundaries series by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. No one can do it all (nor should they try to). It’s not easy to say “no,” but your sanity depends on it. The less-stressed-out  you might be someone you really like.

Dog fence

Lola relaxing in a highly sensitive area

Everything

Pastor Kelly’s sermon series, Your Kingdom Come, concluded today (Sunday, November 22, 2015) with the last installment entitled “Everything You Need.” Though I’d taken a few notes for possible blog ideas, to this point nothing was coming across that I wished to write about for others to read on ENCOURAGE ME.

The Heavenly Father got my attention with the following quote that came across the screen. “God will give you everything you need to do everything He wants [you] to do.” Examples of doing what one might consider impossible could include the following:

You are feeling the need to tithe to your church when your spouse lost their income several days ago. (No one can out give God.)It has been years since you last communicated with an ex-friend of yours. Your Heavenly Father is asking you to forgive what was wrongly done to you, and revive the close friendship that once was.

You’ve had good, consistent employment as a warehouse technician (or any other job) and have been feeling a steady calling lately from God to be a pastor (or any other job). It won’t go away either. You have a big decision coming up in your life in the very near future. The solution being whispered in your head makes absolutely no sense to you

Psalms 121:3 (MSG) says, “He won’t let you stumble, your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.” The Almighty know the right resolution to your challenge. He is fully aware of the complexities of your life (though at times it may seem like He is napping). The final solution to your issue may not be easy, but in the end it ultimately makes the most sense in the final picture of your life.

You’ve got absolutely nothing lose by giving God a chance, he created you and knows your true capability. Trust in the Lord because He makes no mistake. Chances are what I’ve just told you is absolutely no surprise.

This information has always been buried deep in your mind and heart. Do the right thing because your Heavenly Father will never disappoint you. You can trust His judgment.

By Coincidence or Divinely Coordinated?

Sometimes we are unaware of the impact of our words on others, or how their words may impact us. Take these e-mail examples from my life with author Alisha Payne of the book, Woman Up.

Thursday, November 19, 2015, 6:02 PM

Alisha,

I met you and your friend today when you stopped by the Creekside shop.* I and two other women were decorating for the [Gahanna] Holiday Lights festival this weekend. I will be unable to attend your book signing as I have other plans, but best of luck. Your book would be something I would read if I were a woman. I love the cover. It is very creative.

I have had three books published by PublishAmerica. DEAR GOD, PLEASE MAKE ME THE PERSON MY DOGS THINK I AM is inspirational lessons my dogs taught during my cancer 2009 and now. It can also be found on Amazon E-book. ALL FOR ONE is modernized Bible stories. WHATEVER involves inspiring your creative writing skills. 

I would like to recommend my encouragement blog below when you need an emotional pick up. I can sense you are helping many women. Keep up the good work…God bless you.

Robert A. Kinker

My Blog, ENCOURAGE ME

www.gahannablogman.blogspot.com

*Empty bread shop

Friday, November 20, 2015, 7:41AM

Mr. Kinker,

You never know who God will use to inspire you! I thank you for your obedience to reach out to me. I needed to be reminded that God divinely orchestrates people to bless and uplift His people. I will definitely connect with you after my book signing and certainly look at you blog. 

Your books sound amazing in which I will purchase in the very near future.

Again, thank you for encouraging me today. I truly appreciate it and pray that God will favor you and the hand of your works!

Alisha 

Friday, November 20, 2015, 11:23 PM Alisha, How did your book signing go tonight?* Whether you ever buy one of my books or read my blog, your e-mail did a great job of encouraging me. It makes me feel I am succeeding in my life goal of encouraging others. I told my pastor, Kelly Preston about your book. Her book, 5 TRUTHS ABOUT WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP. Here is the summary on Amazon. "When a woman is empowered by God and the Church recognizes her calling, everyone wins. Kelly Preston unpacks key scriptures that have created controversy over the biblical role of women in leadership. Along with biblical insights, stories of women in leadership throughout history, and points from the author's personal journey, each chapter includes: • Truths to remember • Questions for personal growth • Personal truth reflection.  Author Bio: Kelly Preston is the lead pastor of Eastside Community Church, in Columbus Ohio. She is an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God, and has a Master's degree in Christian Ministries from the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary. Kelly and her husband, Greg, love life and love raising their 3 children. One of her life verses includes: Zephaniah 3:17... "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with dancing." Keep writing, and inspiring women to be all that they can be. I do hope you can make time to check out my blog. God bless you. Robert A. Kinker My Blog, ENCOURAGE ME www.gahannablogman.blogspot.com *Alisha is a motivational speaker and life coach. Her intimate book signing was held at the Lew Griffin Gallery in the Creekside area of Gahanna on Friday, November 20, 2015, from 5-7pm. Saturday, November 21, 2015

Mr. Kinker,

Great Morning, last night was truly a blessing. In this experience I have learned that for the most part it is not about the amount of books sold (although I have to sell them). It has been more about the connections that God has orchestrated. He connected me with Mr. Lew Griffin who will forever be a part of my life (he just doesn't know it yet.)

Through that, I have been connected with you for "Such a time as this."* I read some of your blogs. And it was through them that I have truly decided to write mine. I have been avoiding it for 6 months. Dozens of people have told me to write, but I had every excuse not to. Now I see the power in writing one. It was just one word from your blogs that has inspired me to write.

I have learned never to underestimate the power of Godly people's

impartation of encouragement! It's like a powerful drug that fuels the spirit. I plan to be in your area on Sunday for the Christmas festivities. I will drop off a book for you and your pastor. I've heard of her and would also love to connect with her. Again, I thank you for giving your God-inspired gift to me!

Alisha 

*Post I’ll Say A Little Prayer for You

One day when you are dead, and all that is left of you is the memories friends and family have of you; will your legacy be described as “such a royal pain in the back end” or “they were generous in helping others?” How do you want to be described? Think about that now, and make any needed changes before your time is gone.

I’ll Say a Little Prayer for You

When I worked for the federal government, I regularly thought my Christian testimony was not existent usually due to my poor work attitude that made regular appearance due to a variety of causes.

I remember one situation at work where God very clearly whispered to my heart, “I still have big plans for you. I need you.” A co-worker had been given the news (via phone) that one of her grandchildren was either gravely ill (or had passed away). I can’t remember which.

I do know my supervisor, Robyn, wanted to someone to pray for her. I was asked to offer prayer. Many of us in the area went into the empty division chief’s office, gathered in a circle as we all held hands, and I lead a short prayer requesting guidance and love from God for this co-worker (Janie) and her extended family.

Afterwards, I wondered at the awesomeness of this opportunity God had just given me. I realized people around my work area must respect me and my beliefs more than I realized. (I occasionally was also asked for biblical advice at work. I kept a Bible in my overhead cabinet for this purpose.) All these years later, the group prayer incident makes me proud that I was in the right place at the correct time to be used by God.

James 5:16 (MSG) “The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.”  Esther 4:14 (MSG) says, “Who knows maybe you were [put here] for such a time as this.”

If you are living for God, you can’t know what situations He may place you in for His glory. Be open for many wonderful adventures as He does things with you beyond your wildest imagination. 

Give It Away

Is there something in your life that you are extremely passionate about? Do you need to find a quick, professional way to make that known to strangers, family, and friends? Consider having in business card made.

In December 2014 when I realized God wanted me to be an encourager for the rest of my days on Earth, I was introduced to the vehicle of blogging and eventually discovered the wonderful Google Blogger. It is free, easy to set up, and allows me a variety of backdrops, colors, and fonts to highlight my posts.

In my early blog attempts, I played around with a variety of names and slogans before I settled on what you see below. It quickly summed up my true intentions.

Before I got my first 100 red blog business cards (100) as a “I love you” gift from my wife (Bobbi), I scribbled my weblog address on any piece of paper (I could find at the moment) as God leads me who to give these away.

You might wonder how I give these away. I always keep a few in the pants (or shorts) I am wearing at the moment. I tell the person I have something for them; I am a blogger; have an encouragement blog; or I have an interesting (unique) blog you might enjoy. I explain my blog as writing about the events in my life, and put an encouraging spin on it.

I have never had anyone reject a card. I have had a second green set of blog business cards made at Staples (500 for $9. 99, great deal). With that abundance of cards I can conveniently drop them at hidden places in stores for unsuspecting strangers to discover later.

There was a period of time in my life when I was much younger that my unique mother loved to, and was bold in giving out her religious tracts that told of Jesus. She wanted to do it. She felt it was her duty, and gave those tracts to any stranger she met. With my blog, I can understand her fervor. I know something on my blog can relay encouragement, which I’m driven to relay with my blog business card (and as a signature on all my e-mails).

I love the creative writing aspect of blogging. I have a ready-made platform (that belongs to only me) that I can use to discuss the topics that are important to me in the manner I wish to discuss them. I have had many guess writers, but the people (and content) are of my choosing. Writing can become a solitary, inwardly-focused hobby (if I’m not careful).

In the 420 plus posts that I have written, my writing has steadily improved. (Others have also verified my progress as well as how much they enjoy my writing style.) 

Blogging helps to satisfy my desire to create a short written work. Publishing whenever I put a post on Encourage Me gives me a greater sense of satisfaction that being a five-time published author ever could, and that’s the truth.

Whatever is of interest to you, find a way to integrate it appropriately into your life. Fervor gives life joy and a purpose. Proverbs 29:18 (KJV) says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”  Start with an idea that inspires you. Allow this to bring you back to who you really are emotionally.

Look Who’s Talking

Q: "What does the Bible say about gossip?"

A: The Hebrew word translated “gossip” in the Old Testament is defined as “one who reveals secrets, one who goes about as a talebearer or scandal-monger.” A gossiper is a person who has privileged information about people and proceeds to reveal that information to those who have no business knowing it. Gossip is distinguished from sharing information in two ways:

1.  Intent-Gossipers often have the goal of building themselves up by making others look bad and exalting themselves as some kind of repositories of knowledge.

2.  The type of information shared-Gossipers speak of the faults and failings of others, or reveal potentially embarrassing or shameful details regarding the lives of others without their knowledge or approval. Even if they mean no harm, it is still gossip.

In the book of Romans, Paul reveals the sinful nature and lawlessness of mankind, stating how God poured out His wrath on those who rejected His laws. Because they had turned away from God's instruction and guidance, He gave them over to their sinful natures.

The list of sins includes gossips and slanderers (Romans 1:29b-32). We see from this passage how serious the sin of gossip is, and that it characterizes those who are under God’s wrath.

Another group who were (and still are today) known for indulging in gossip is widows. Paul cautions widows against entertaining the habit of gossip and of being idle. These women are described as “gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to” (1 Timothy 5:12-13).

Because women tend to spend a lot of time in each other's homes and work closely with other women, they hear and observe situations which can become distorted, especially when repeated over and over.

Paul states that widows get into the habit of going from home to home, looking for something to occupy their idleness. Idle hands are the devil's workshop, and God cautions against allowing idleness to enter our lives. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man [or woman] who talks too much” (Proverbs 20:19).

Women are certainly not the only ones who have been found guilty of gossip. Anyone can engage in gossip simply by repeating something heard in confidence. The book of Proverbs has a long list of verses that cover the dangers of gossip and the potential hurt that results from it.

“A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:12-13).

The Bible tells us that “a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Many a friendship has been ruined over a misunderstanding that started with gossip. Those who engage in this behavior do nothing but stir up trouble and cause anger, bitterness, and pain among friends.

Sadly, some people thrive on this and look for opportunities to destroy others. And when such people are confronted, they deny the allegations and answer with excuses and rationalizations. Rather than admit wrongdoing, they blame someone else or attempt to minimize the seriousness of the sin. “A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts” (Proverbs 18:7-8).

Those who guard their tongues keep themselves from calamity (Proverbs 21:23). So we must guard our tongues and refrain from the sinful act of gossip. If we surrender our natural desires to the Lord, He will help us to remain righteous. May we all follow the Bible’s teaching on gossip by keeping our mouths shut unless it is necessary and appropriate to speak.

o  From www.gotquestions.org