“It’s not about being what everyone wants you to be. It’s about being yourself, and finding someone who truly loves you for what you are.” (Anonymous)
You are so often put in the position to give an answer to the question “Will you do …?” Often you say “Yes” and then everything in you is screaming that you should have said “No.” So how do you maneuver this minefield? Here are five practical practices that may help.
1.
Delay your answer. Saying I will get back to you after checking out the
details allows time to process requests, and check with those that will be
affected by your answer. A well-timed response is a gift to those asking.
2. Determine where your gifts and
abilities are best used. When
you answer to your sweet spot you are energized. When you just fill a need, you
may feel depleted and discouraged before you even get started. Filling needs
may also keep someone from stepping into their sweet spot. Be patient and see
who turns up.
3. It is beneficial to know that it
is not your job to make everyone happy. Regardless
of how you reply always remember that you can’t make everyone happy, but you
can strive to make some understand.
4. No matter what your answer is;
make it time-oriented. If
it is “Yes,” determine a time frame of commitment. It is wise to allow for a
reevaluation after a determined period of time. If your answer is “No,” perhaps
at another circumstance the answer will be “Yes.” Determine a time period that
you will reintroduce the idea.
5. Setting healthy boundaries with
your time and resources is important. One
yes may mean many no’s. Qualify what you invest your time and resources into,
don’t just spend them.
Your brain knows that
people-pleasing is the fastest route to failure and disappointment. Your heart
has a very strong emotional pull because you love to have people pleased with you.
Take the time to read in the gospels how Jesus responded to people around Him.
His answers did not always result in happy people, but He responded to bring
understanding.[i]
[i] Adapted from: “Being Okay With Saying ‘No’” by Patti Johnson
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