Not Listening

“Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening.” (Emma Thompson)
 

Where do you think your fighting and endless conflict come from? Don’t you think that they originate in the constant pursuit of gratification that rages inside each of you like an uncontrolled militia? (James 4:1, VOICE)

 

·        How can I build a damn to stop the flowing of the raging river of conflict?

·        How do I build a bridge over the raging river of conflict to be with the other people on their side of the river?

The problem is that we can either avoid conflict, or cause more of it.

 The three possible responses to conflict are: to avoid conflict to allow surface harmony, to intimidate to allow relational distance, or to learn and allow spiritual growth.

 

How do I become a humble learner in the midst of conflict?

 

These are the words of Nehemiah son of Hacaliah. I, Nehemiah, was in the capital city of Susa. It was in the month of Kislev. This was in the twentieth year. ² One of my brothers named Hanani came from Judah. Some other men were with him. I asked them about the Jews who lived through the captivity. And I also asked about Jerusalem. ³ They answered, “Nehemiah, those who are left from the captivity are back in the area of Judah. But they are in much trouble and are full of shame. The wall around Jerusalem is broken down. And its gates have been burned.” ⁴ When I heard these things, I sat down and cried for several days. I was sad and did not eat food. I prayed to the God of Heaven.  (Nehemiah 1:1-4, ICB)
⁷ I thought about it. Then I accused the important people and the leaders. I told them, “You are charging your own brothers too much interest.” So I called a large meeting to deal with them. ⁸ I said to them, “Our fellow Jews had been sold to non-Jewish nations. But, as much as possible, we have bought them back. Now you are making your fellow Jews sell themselves to us!” The leaders were quiet. They had nothing to say. ⁹ Then I said, “What you are doing is not right. You should live in fear of God. Don’t let our non-Jewish enemies shame us. ¹⁰ I, my brothers and my men are also lending money and grain to the people. But stop charging them too much for this! ¹¹ Give back their fields, vineyards, olive trees and houses right now. Also give them back the extra amount you charged them. That is the hundredth part of the money, grain, new wine and oil.” ¹² They said, “We will give it back. And we will not demand anything more from them. We will do as you say.” Then I called for the priests. And I made the important men and leaders promise to do what they had said. (Nehemiah 5:7-12, ICB)

Rely upon God’s resource of prayer-see Nehemiah 1:4 above

·        What does conflict reveal about my character?

Listen to the whole before making a decision- see Nehemiah 1:4 above

·        Do you allow for family members to completely express all their pain and hurt (or do you cut them off)?

Move towards the hurt to allow for complete healing-see Nehemiah 5:7-12 above

·        How can I become more sensitive to another person’s need?

“How many solutions are found to family problems if we take time to reflect? If we think of a husband or wife and we dream about their good qualities that they have? Don't ever lose the illusion of when you were boyfriend and girlfriend.” (Pope Francis)[i]

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[i] Inspired by the sermon “Peace in the Family” Sunday March 17, 2019, Pastor Rick Tawney, Life Community Church Hilliard, OH.