Listen well to wise counsel, and be willing to learn from correction so that by the end of your life you’ll be known for your wisdom. (Proverbs 19:20, the Passion Translation)
Most days I can take advice (or correction)
from almost anyone, and benefit by it (unless of course it’s a certain family member). In my
attempt to prefer to be as independent as possible, I tend to ignore much of
this family member’s “wise counsel.” What’s most frustrating about that practice is that the
majority of the time the advice turns out to be right.
There are no stipulations on the above verse as to who can administer the wise counsel. There are those days in connection with this relative’s advice that I am a unwise in not listening to it. (I am smart enough to admit that.) I need to realize that wise advice from others (usually comes from a heart of love and concern even if I don’t care for it). If you are the one delivering advice, here are five pieces of information to allow you to effectively deliver your advice:
Deliver it for the right reason: It's not about you.
It's about the person you're talking to. Providing useful advice starts by
coming from a selfless place. If you have ulterior motives, stop while you're
ahead. You need to keep it real. If the person seeking advice likes what they
hear, you can go deeper into the subject and your own experience to make it
that much more meaningful.
Read your audience: Determine whether
the person you're talking to is open to receiving your advice. Are they asking
for it? If not, avoid your giving advice. If the answer is “yes,” make sure
you're listening to the question so you can deliver the best answer that'll
help them further. If there's no concrete question, assess their body language.
Are they leaning into your conversation, do they seem engaged, and eager to
hear what you have to say? Paying attention to the situation can help you both
come out ahead.
Understand your purpose: By knowing who
you're talking to and how they listen or receive feedback, you can structure your advice in a way that
will seem true. Does this person prefer personal stories, short takeaways, or specific
examples? Do you need visuals to help get your point across? What state of mind
are they in--crisis mode or planning mode? All of this information makes a
difference. If it means connecting on a personal level first to get a grasp of
the person you're giving advice to, that's fine. You might find that it helps
you structure what you're going to say accordingly.
Keep it brief: Just in case you're
providing unsolicited advice and you've read you’re the person wrong, err on
the side of brevity. Don't go on and on. Simply give the actual takeaway, and
wait for a cue that more would be welcome. If the person wants more or would
like you to elaborate on what you're saying, believe me, they'll ask. If they
don’t, you'll get a thank you after which both of you can move on.
Know your strengths: This might be a
given, but don't give advice if you don't really know what you're talking
about. Be open with that fact and point the person in the right direction, or
connect them with someone who is an expert on the topic at hand. They'll appreciate
not only that you haven't wasted their time, but that you've moved them one
step closer to what their seeking.
"Wisdom is
the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd rather have been
talking." (Aristotle) [i]
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