When we were raising our daughter, one of the pieces of
advice my wife, Bobbi, gave me (usually when she was highly irritated) went
something like this: “Robert, when will you finally learn the lesson God is
trying to teach you? Allena and I want off this spiritual hamster wheel we're all
on together. We are forever stuck on this unwilling adventure you are on until you finally get
it.” These days my feelings about the above topic tend to mimic the chorus of K.
Michelle’s “God I Get It.” How do you see it?
God I get it
I'm a mess and I admit it
I keep learning the same lessons
While I'm missing out on blessings
God I get it
I'm a mess and I admit it
I keep learning the same lessons
While I'm missing out on blessings
God I get it
If
you're stuck in spiritual limbo (by God's will), here are some
things that you can do to process through this experience efficiently:
1. Be kind
(to yourself): You can often end up in
similar situations with different people after promising yourself that it
won’t. This is because you are human. It can be easy to beat yourself up, but
it isn’t helpful. It only adds gloom to a miserable situation.
2. Be honest
(with yourself): Once you’ve been kind to
yourself, it’s helpful to be as honest with yourself as you can. It’s natural
to want to blame the other person when you’re in conflict. Begin to take some
responsibility for your part in what has happened. If you can do this, then
change is possible.
3. Be curious:
Do you recognize this pattern from your history? What happens? How does it
start? What hooks you in? It might help to discuss this with a good friend.
Catch yourself when you find you’re in a similar situation. When something
starts pulling you in, notice the pattern.
4. Be
experimental:
This is where you can try behaving differently from the way you usually behave.
This might be holding back your words, or it might be being more honest with
the person you’re speaking with. It might be feeling things you’ve been
avoiding (like sadness or anger).
It might be taking some time
away from the situation to consider what you’d like to do (rather than plunging
in feet first). Keep being curious, keep talking to your friends, and keep
experimenting.
5. Be
grateful: If
you can find a way to learn something from what is happening, then you will
change for the better. Pause and feel grateful for what happened, and for the
lesson you learned. None of us like learning lessons about ourselves, to be
wrong, or to acknowledge a part of ourselves that is flawed. This is why our
lessons have to keep coming back over and over again.
I realize the most important
lessons I’ve learned have often been a result of some kind of pain (whether the
pain was manifested as disappointment, anger, or fear). I would never think so
at the time, but I can feel grateful for that pain now. Without this pain, I
wouldn’t be more humble, loving, and grateful for all life gives me.
6.
Be celebratory: Reward
yourself for succeeding through your immovable pattern with something that is
good for you. You can do this.[i]
“You will never change your life until you change something you do
daily.” (John C. Maxwell, author of The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth:
Live Them and Reach Your Potential)
[i] Sources used:
·
“Difficult Lessons: How to Learn What You Need to and Move On”
by Fiona Robyn
·
“Rule
Four: A Lesson is Repeated until Learned”
(http://mycrowquill.blogspot.com/2013/07/rule-four-lesson-is-repeated-until.html)
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