“Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness; serving time for someone else’s crime.” (LiveLifeHappy.com)
Since mid August 2021, life in the Kinker household has been calm recently, and there is a reason for that. The angry bi-polar Robert 1.0 has turned into the calm bi-polar Robert 2.0 with the use of a nightly 40 milligram capsule called “Ziprasidone” an hour before bedtime (around 9:30pm). Where the flood of my anger was out-of-control over any situation where it was being insinuated (I was in the wrong),
I am not bothered by much of anything (a
drip) because of the emotional and physical out it would take to regress back
to Robert 1.0. There have been several medication corrections of
Bobbi and I are once again beginning to gain
trust in each other. We are once again realizing why we married each other as
out trust in other person gains momentum. We can finally be ourselves without
being mean from 27 challenging years of marriage. With the anger in the
background of my life, it also seems like I am closer to God’s will for me than
ever have been before.
If Ziprasidone was approved for medical use
in the US in 2001 and Bobbi and I were married on November 13, 1993, why didn’t
one of the many Medication Management professionals I seen over the years hear
my plea for anger management help, and do something? I can’t change the past,
but my family’s future will be different. With Robert 2.0, I am not saying
words that will require me to ask forgiveness (or expect to receive it from
someone who has offended me).
Unforgiveness is an emotional imbalance due
to a delayed response towards an offender. The emotional expression of anger,
hatred, frustration, or violence depends on the mental state of a person at the
time. Did you know that showing forgiveness to
others regularly has medical benefits for you? Below are some of them:
· Healthier
relationships
· Greater
spiritual and psychological well-being
· Less
anxiety, stress, and hostility
· Lower
blood pressure
· Fewer
symptoms of depression
· Lower
risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Below are steps in forgiving those who have hurt
you:
Confess: Confess the sin of
unforgiveness to God. This may take time. Don’t hurry it. Everything in your
sinful nature wants to rebel, hate, and hold onto grudges. You will need God to
help you do something that comes unnatural to you.
Stop: Choose to stop
thinking about the offense. Imagine the picture of an actual stop sign when you
notice negative thoughts returning. Some people get stuck in this phase because
it feels good to be consumed in your anger. If you still can’t stop it, I play worship
music to get your mind off yourself and onto God.
Talk: Talk to a
counselor, pastor, or godly friend who can help you process your rage and resentment
if you can’t forget those who hurt you. It is much easier to release the pain
once you have sorted out all your emotions.
Many people don’t
know how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry. When this is the case, talk to an
empty chair, write a letter to the person, or even journal. This will help you
get all your anger out. Tear up the letter once you have written it. (Do
not send it.)
Renew: Renew your thinking
by starting to tell yourself the truth of forgiveness in the Bible, which you can always depend on
its truth. Make note cards to help in memorizing verses that reinforce who you
are in Christ.
You may not believe
the scriptures at first, but keep saying them every day. One day they will
become truth for you. Your goal is to start a new internal dialogue to replace
the old one.
Release: Release it, and let
go of your past. It is gone. You can never get back what you lost. No
matter what you do to get even. It will never be enough. Realistically, no
punishment for the offender will make your pain vanish.
Visualize yourself
laying all your pain down at the cross of Jesus, and then running to Him like a
young child runs to his parent. See Jesus tenderly cradling you in His
arms. (You are really wounded aren’t you?)
Pray: Use prayer to
forgive those who hurt you. If you are having a hard time praying, pray
for God to give you the desire to pray for your offender. Pray whether
you feel like it or not. (Your emotions cannot be the one making this
determination.) This one act will help you to forgive easier.
Make a “general” prayer
to use in forgiving others that you can use when that is needed. Ask for God to
bless the person and his family and to help you love this person (even if he
seems unlovable). Also, pray for God to convict you of any wrong doing on your
part. You may actually be at fault too.
Forgiveness Checklist: Answer the five
questions below. If you say “yes” to any of them, then keep working on
forgiveness:
1.
Can you pray for________ without resentment?
2.
Do you feel angry every time you think of _______?
3.
Do you have a secret desire for _______ to pay
for his offense?
4.
Do you talk negatively about ________ when their name
is mentioned?
5.
Do you tell everyone how _______ hurt you?
“Forgiveness must
be immediate whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over
time. Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are
commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust
them immediately, and you are not expected to continue to allowing them to hurt
you. ” (Rick
Warren)[i]
[i] Adapted from:
· “5 Burning Reasons Why You Need to Forgive Those Who
Hurt You” by Julie
· “The Negative Effects of Unforgiveness on Mental
Health” by Christie Hunter
· “The Health Benefits of Forgiveness” by
Tim Mitchinson
· “Ziprasidone” from Wikepedia
 |
| From whom do I need forgiveness? |
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