“Being in the habit of giving compliments helps us notice and appreciate what’s good and what we like in those around us.” (Sarah DiGiulio)
Compliments are simply saying something kind
and appropriate about another person. Compliments require that you be observant
of someone else. Think again about the last compliment you received. Did it
belong to one of the categories above? Examples of each are provided:
· Appearance:
“That
is a beautiful shirt” or ”I like the smell of your perfume”
· Personality:
“You
are so generous with your time” or “I like how motivated you are to get things
done”
· Possessions:
“What
a sophisticated smartphone you have” or “Your townhome is beautiful”
· Skills/Performance:
“You
have a great ability to find bargains” or “I appreciate your ability to get
things done on time”
Here's how to build a genuine compliment that
will bring a smile to someone's face:
First, link your compliment to
something you genuinely feel-Here is a three-step compliment process, which starts by
identifying an action or quality that you truly respect or appreciate in a
person. The compliment should be authentic and connected to values that you
know are important to that person.
Second, think
about why you appreciate that quality-The next step is to figure out the
reason this quality resonates so strongly with you. So to put the first two
steps together. Then, connect the first two steps to deliver the compliment,
being as specific as possible.
Third, be authentic and specific (not
hyperbolic)-Keep
in mind the "KISS" method for giving compliments: That is, "Keep
It sincere and specific." Hyperbole (or needless praise) can cheapen the
gesture, making it feel empty and untruthful. An honest compliment (even if
it's a small one) carries more weight. Done right, even seemingly superficial
compliments can make someone's day. You can always dig deeper and find an
attribute, personality trait, or accomplishment to compliment someone on.
Use adjectives-Superficial
compliments may feel shallow, but in the right context, they can be empowering
and appreciated. Make a simple compliment mean even more by actually connecting
it to an emotional thought, like instead of saying, "I love your shirt."
adding something like, "Your sunny yellow shirt is beautiful and seeing it
brightened my morning."
Compliment your favorite traits in
your romantic partner-The
formula of specific traits plus emotional connection works for complimenting
romantic partners on a deeper level as well, and can even help your
relationship. Identifying and celebrating what you adore about your partner can
improve your relationship by increasing mindfulness. The effects of
complimenting a romantic partner can also contribute to greater conflict
resolution and better communication.
Use compliments as a tool in the
workplace-Regularly
complimenting your co-workers (or employees) can actually boost their
performance. There is a link between expressing well-deserved
performance-related recognition and improving professional output. To do this
as effectively as possible, the compliment should be genuine and deserved as
well as performance-specific.
Use context clues to
help you formulate an appropriate sentiment. For example, after a coworker
gives a powerful presentation, compliment their delivery rather than their
outfit.
Don’t be afraid to compliment a
stranger-No
matter the person if you notice something good; a reasonable compliment is
appreciated. For people who are shy, the complimenting process may difficult in
verbalizing what their thinking at the moment.
Start by
taking the emotional thermometer of the situation by making eye contact with
the receiver then proceed with a smile. Be direct and speak in an audible volume
that conveys confidence. You will probably bringing a smile to the other
person's face. If complimenting a stranger is outside your comfort zone, it can
be a real emotional boost of happiness.
“One compliment
can affect a whole lifetime. Be bold and speak life-giving words.” (Joel Olsteen)[i]
[i] Adapted from:
· “Giving and Accepting Compliments” by
Tools for Clear Speech
· “How Do I Give A Genuine Compliment?”
by Marie C
· “How to Give Sincere Compliments”
by Madeleine Frank Reeves
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