Standing

 “Standing alone is better than being around people who don’t value you.” (Power of Positivity)

Did you know that being lonely and being alone do not mean the same thing? There is a difference. Being alone is a physical state where you are physically by yourself (but are in a state of peace with that). Being lonely is an emotional state where you are feeling disconnected from others (even when they’re right next to you).  Let me provide an example from my own life that will better explain the difference between the words “alone” and “lonely.”

Annually, my wife, Bobbi, flies to visit her mother out-of-state for anywhere from 10-14 days. After being married to (and loving) my wife for 27 years, I’ve become accustomed to her presence and (her habits). On the first 3 or 4 days of being alone (technically I’m not with three dogs), I find a lot to do with writing for the blog, running errands, doing the regular household chores, and attending small group and church. Because my wife needs to spend time helping her mother, I refuse to tell her how miserable these vacations make me.

Loneliness and depression set in when I realize how many days I have to go before Bobbi returns. My mind starts thinking what would I do if her plane crashed, and Bobbi never made it home to me. How my life would change? I wonder why you can’t convince her mother to move to central Ohio so I don’t have to do this every year. Her dog Chico looks so lost without her. He keeps thinking she is going to come in through door at anytime. Once Bobbi is home again, everything is right because the queen is on her throne. Below are statistics on loneliness:

·        10.3 million adults in the U.S. experienced an episode that resulted in severe impairment in the past year

·        16. 2 million adults have experienced a major depressive episode in the past year

·        300 million people have depression

·        An estimated 15 percent of the adult population will experience depression at some point in their life

·        Close to 50 percent of all that were diagnosed with depression also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder

Here are four simple things you can do in dealing with loneliness:

Change your perspective. Being alone does not equal loneliness. In a time when you cannot avoid being alone (literally or emotionally) you can turn that circumstance into your advantage. Rather than viewing your circumstance as loneliness, view it as solitude. Solitude is different than loneliness because it isn’t necessarily negative. It’s “me time,” when you can sharpen old skills or discover and develop new skills. Use this time to strengthen your personal relationship with God

Remember that you are not alone. Seek the help of a counselor. Loneliness and depression can have roots from childhood. The unresolved hurts from instability in the home, lack of boundaries, or broken trust can leave tremendous impact on how you feel and as an adult. Sharing these issues (and simply being heard and understood) by a counselor, mentor or pastor can be extremely helpful.

Take care of yourself through balance and priorities. Commit to balancing your time and taking care of yourself. Simple things such as getting good rest, eating healthy food and minimizing time on electronics (social media can lead to isolation and depression) can make a significant difference on your emotional health. Recognize your joy sources such as faith, family, exercise or hobbies. Prioritize them.

Take the first step in increasing your support network. Become intentional in finding ways to connect to someone around you who may also be feeling lonely. While religious involvement protected against loneliness later in life, people who were religious tended to be less lonely. Religious involvement typically means you’re more connected to a live network of people who care about you.

When you feel that others can’t relate to our personality or our particular situation, you tend to overly focus our attention inwardly and feel even more isolated. When you realize that there are others who feel equally isolated, it becomes easier to practice shifting our focus from self to others and asking ourselves, “Who is someone who could use my support?”

“There's only one life for everyone to live. You deserve to live it surrounded by all the people you love. Don’t let loneliness win.” (TheRightMessages.com)[i]

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[i] Adapted from:

·        “4 Ways to Tackle Loneliness” by GRACE JAUWENA

·        “Being Lonely and Being Alone: What’s the Difference?” by Hannah Hippe

·        “The Major Difference between Feeling Alone and Lonely” by Ryan Haddon

Chico (Bobbi's loyal dog) feeling lonely as he patiently waits for her