Dear Self-Confessed Perfectionist,
I know how you feel. It’s been another day where you said
the wrong thing at work. It’s another time when you read too much into a
friend’s comment. Your mind is going a million miles a minute about all the
things you didn’t get right. And all the things you should have done better. It’s
not your fault, you know. You’ve been hard-wired this way ever since you first
learned how to color inside the lines. Over time, you have become your very
worst critic.
You overthink almost everything. You feel too deeply. Things
affect you too strongly. You’re the best friend anyone could ever have. Yet
you’re your very worst enemy. Be easy on yourself. If today looks like the
thousands of days still ahead of your perfectly imperfect life, then rest
assured, you will continue to get it wrong.
Your self-imposed duty to never disappoint, and to always do
it perfectly is wreaking destruction with your calmness. You are killing
yourself gradually emotionally. So here’s what I want you to consider. I’m
writing this as much to myself as I am to you:
·
Perfectionism
is overrated. It’s suffocating. If you allow it, perfectionism will gradually
erode your inner peace and rob you of your joy.
·
Love
covers a massive amount of wrongs. “Most important of all,
love each other deeply, because love makes you willing to forgive many sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 (ERV)
·
Think
what a “perfect” life looks like. I know it’s been drilled into your head since
the day when you formulated your own “American dream.” It was not indicative of a fulfilling life.
·
Accept
that you are an imperfect person loved and accepted by a perfect God. “But think about this: while we were wasting our lives in sin, God
revealed His powerful love to us in a
tangible display—the Anointed One died for us.” Romans 5:8 (VOICE)
·
If
you’re smart, your mistakes will help to shape you not define you. To those who
demand they will never make the same mistake twice. Some of us will make more
mistakes than others to get to the finish line. Just promise that you’ll keep
going.
·
Perfectionism
keeps you from becoming the best version of yourself. Striving for improvement
and perfection are not the same thin. Perfection will trick you, every single
time; into thinking that achieving excellence is the only way for you to become
truly content with you. Resist
this temptation.
·
Reaching
for perfection prevents you from being in the moment. Work on being present
even if things aren’t going to plan. It’s all about being present over being
perfect.
·
Perfection
creates unhelpful expectations about what life should be. Some of us have
conjured up flawless visions of the perfect marriage, the perfect job, or even
the perfect weekend. The reality is nothing in our lives can ever be 100%
perfect. That only happens in our dreams. It’s difficult in this digital age to
come to understand what people project on social media is often a
misrepresentation of reality.
Sometimes the truth isn’t very exciting. That’s
the beauty of life, all the piles of dirty dishes, missed flight connections,
and awkward conversations with friends. These moments teach us valuable nuggets
of wisdom and make us”normal” people.
·
You
are more inspiring and fantastic a person because of your imperfections not in
spite of them.
·
You
are enough. There’s no need to either prove yourself to others around you or
give them ten reasons why you’d make an awesome [fill in the blank].
Popping the perfectionism bubble may take a long time as we
re-wire our mind to accept the truth that we are enough. It’s one that our
generation certainly needs to pop. Jesus never demanded perfection. Instead He
asked for obedience—to lay down all of our messy human baggage, and simply
follow Him. God wants to use us to love and impact a broken world. Before He
can do that through us, we need to come to the realization that we have been
fearfully and wonderfully made with all our human imperfections.
“At its root,
perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of
disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.” (Michael Law) [i]
[i] Adapted from: “An
Open Letter to Christian Perfectionists Everywhere” by Rachel Moreland
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