Poor listeners "hear" what's being said, but they
rarely "listen" to the whole message. They get distracted by their
own thoughts or by what's going on around them, and they formulate their
responses before the person who they're talking to has finished speaking.
Because of this, they miss crucial information. Good listeners enjoy better
relationships because they fully understand what other people are saying.
They are also more productive because they
feel that they can discuss problems easily, and talk through solutions. In
today's high-tech, high-speed, high-stress world, communication is more
important than ever. We seem to devote less time to listening to one another.
Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. Understanding your own personal style of communicating will go a long way toward helping you to create good and lasting impressions with others.
The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, the complete message being communicated. If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try repeating his or her words mentally as he says them – this will reinforce his message and help you to stay focused.
To enhance your listening skills, you need to let the other person know that you are listening to what she is saying. Acknowledgement can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a simple "uh huh." You aren't necessarily agreeing with the person, you are simply indicating that you are listening. Using body language and other signs to acknowledge you are listening can also help you to pay attention. Refine your listening skills with these five tips.
Be Prepared-Be
mentally and physically ready to listen. Prep yourself by reading appropriate
material and doing research before meetings. Don't show up only to find
yourself mentally lost after the first five minutes, and then just zone out. A
great athlete doesn't become a great athlete on game day. He prepares himself
to be ready for a great performance on game day. You may have thought being a
truly good listener was going to be easier than this.
Shut Up-You're a far more effective listener
when you're not talking. It's important to speak up, but remaining silent the
majority of the time can put an exclamation point on the things you do say.
Being quiet and listening intently brings with it a good impression.
The Focus Factor-Be
in the moment. Put other thoughts out of your mind. You can feel when people
aren't truly listening to you, and you know when they are. Make sure whoever's
speaking feels you are listening. Focus on what people are saying, and don't
let yourself get stuck on any one point. Don't try to answer your question in
your own mind while the person is still speaking.
If you have to, make a note
on a piece of paper about a question regarding what's been said, but don't let
it distract you from listening to the rest of the conversation. Conquer your
own defensiveness. If someone says something that angers you, let it go. Move
on, and continue to listen to what he's saying. This is a challenge. Being able
to mentally process criticism openly and maturely is one of the best things
you'll ever do.
Empathize-You
may absolutely despise someone, but to be a good listener you must always listen
with empathy. It's easy to let your mind stay on a point of disagreement if you
hear something that bothers you -- or if you just don't like the person who's
speaking -- but you'll miss what's being said. Try to see the world through the
speaker's eyes. Think of it as a practice run for when you're in discussions
with people you like and respect.
Ask and Receive-Reporters
often say their jobs require them to be experts for a day depending on the
story -- one day an expert in aviation and the next an expert in politics. The
truth is, their main expertise is asking insightful questions. And it's the
same for successful listeners. Like a reporter, you must learn to put people at
ease and ask questions that elicit revealing responses. Here are some tricks
for asking good questions:
·
Ask
"how" and "why" questions requiring a certain amount of
elaboration as opposed to questions that can be answered with a yes or no.
·
It
often helps if you share a little bit of yourself while asking questions. Example:
"I have been having a hard time getting productivity out of my workers.
How do you suggest I deal with it?"
·
Ask
tough questions, but do it with a smile. You can ask difficult or even awkward
questions without being confrontational. When you're asking killer questions,
kill them with kindness.
“Listening to others viewpoints may reveal the
one thing needed to complete your goals.” (D. Ridgley)[i]
[i] Resources used:
·
“10 Steps to Effective Listening” by Dianne Schilling
·
“Active Listening” by MindTools
·
“Five
Tips for Listening Well” by Thad Peterson
·
“How Good Are Your Listening Skills?” by MindTools
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