Our adult children need to know we love them
just as much as they did when they were young. Your expressions of love are
going to look different, but it’s more important than ever that you show them
your approval. We
invest our time in our children to help them become contributing adults who
love God and others. Being a parent at any stage is
hard. Now that your children have grown they need you just as much. Make the
most of your new relationship by speaking words of encouragement into their
lives. Your relationship with your child will be better because of it. Here are affirming
phrases that you can speak to
your adult children constantly:
1.
"God loves
you"- It’s easy to know in your head God
loves you, but it is completely different to live your life within that belief.
One of the greatest gifts I have in this life is living everyday in the
knowledge that God loves me no matter what I do and no matter what mistakes I
make. How freeing. The best gift you can give your child is to teach them to
live in that same knowledge.
2.
"I love
you"- Although there are times when you as a parent still need to
help guide and direct your child from making bad decisions, your children must
have their basic needs for love by an authority figure met. Even if you said it
repeatedly as a child, they still need to hear it from you as an adult. To say,
“I love you,” implies that you will always be there for them. Even if you don’t
always agree with their life decisions, knowing that you love them is like an
anchor that will keep them firmly on the ground as they navigate through life
rather than keep their wandering eyes looking for love and affection from those
not worthy of their time or energy.
3.
"I'm here
for you"- Hebrews 6:18-19 says, “God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in
which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the
hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor
for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the
curtain.” God’s hope and love for us is an anchor; a parent telling a child
they will always be there for them is an anchor as well. A child will feel like
they can walk through life with a strong foundation beneath them if they know a
parent will always be there to support them no matter what the circumstances.
4.
"You are
my favorite"- A parent needs to tell each child they are his/her favorite
so that the child doesn’t feel they have to work to earn their approval.
God bestows favor on His children because of his great love for them. If a
child knows they are your favorite simply because they are your child, it will
help them to find their worth in the right place, rather than in temporal
possessions, relationships or luxuries. To be someone’s favorite means he/she
doesn’t have to work to earn someone’s love and approval because they already
have it.
5.
"You have
a specific purpose"- In Jeremiah 29:11, God makes a promise to His people: “For I know the plans I
have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.” God is a God of order. He created the
world in six days. Scripture tells us God orders our steps. If God knew
the number of hairs on our head before our birth and the number of days on this
earth, he certainly knows what we are capable of doing for Him during that
time, too.
What security we have in knowing God
has a clear plan and purpose for our lives. We do not need to wander through
life with no direction or purpose. When we go to Him, He reveals that plan. But
children (even as adults) need a physical parent to reassure them that God has
a plan for their lives. It takes great love for a parent to instill in a child
a faith to know God will reveal His plan and purpose in His time.
6.
"You’re a
success"- In society, success is often measured by how much money we
make, the size of the house we live in or how successful our children have
become. But God defines success as simply the level of our obedience to Him on
this earth. To hear a parent tell a child they are a success means they don’t
have to find significance in temporal ideas that are here today and gone
tomorrow.
Rather, they can walk in the
knowledge that whether they are a stay at home mom or a CEO of a large company,
they have already accomplished meaningful work. Children still need this
approval even as a grown-up. When a parent says a child is a success, there is
no need to fall into the trap of comparison, because there is nothing to
compare.
7.
"You’re
important"- Not only do they need to know they are loved, but they need
to know they are valued. It is one thing to know your parents love you, but it
is another to feel like they are happy to have you as their child. If a parent
doesn’t express that their child is valued, the child can feel like they are
floating on a raft in the middle of an ocean with no land in sight.
This may cause them to flounder from
job to job and relationship to relationship to find their purpose. When a
parent says they are important, it can make a child feel that they don’t have
to work to prove their value; that is already secure. As God sees us as
important and valuable enough to die for, a parent’s declaration of a child’s
value can communicate that they are worthy enough to be a part of the
family.
8.
"You’re
special" - This phrase has a bad reputation in our world today, as some
parents think that if they say this it implies a child doesn’t have to work
hard to earn anything in life. But telling a child he/she is special
indicates they are uniquely wired with gifts and talents given only to them. To
know they are special means God placed them on earth with specific work to do
to build the Kingdom. Knowing every day is a unique opportunity to strive to
accomplish God’s work in this life is an incredible opportunity.
9.
"You're
accepted"- Most of the world’s ills stem from people struggling to find
their worth and place in society. As your children, they may have felt that you
accepted them for who they were. But for those that struggled with experiencing
that as adults, they are looking to other people and things outside of you to
feel their worth. If you can look your child in their eyes and tell them they
are accepted, it will be an extra layer of love they don’t need to find
elsewhere.
Most of the world’s ills stem from
people struggling to find their worth and place in society. As your children,
they may have felt that you accepted them for who they were. But for those that
struggled with experiencing that as adults, they are looking to other people
and things outside of you to feel their worth. If you can look your child in
their eyes and tell them they are accepted, it will be an extra layer of love
they don’t need to find elsewhere.
10.
"You're my
child"- Even Jesus received affirmation from His Father. God
declares publicly that Jesus is his son in Mark 1:11: “And a voice came from heaven: ‘You are my Son, whom I
love; with you I am well pleased.’" On the brink of beginning his public
ministry, this encouraging word from His father was the soul feeding words He
had to cling to, especially when Satan planned to tempt Him.
When
times get tough, we need to cling to our identity in Christ too. Being an adult
presents pressures and struggles children don’t have to experience. When an
adult feels alone, it is easy to fill the void with drugs or alcohol. But when
an adult knows who they are in Christ, that void is already filled. No longer
does an adult need to look to anyone to prove their worth, since they already
know they have secured it regardless of the mistakes they make in life.
“With grown children, we can look back at both our mistakes and what
we did well in our parenting, having conversations with a greater degree of
honesty than was possible before. In getting older themselves, our adult
children may begin to comprehend the burdens and strengths we carried from our
own parents.” (Wendy
Lustbader) [i]
[i] Sources used:
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