Watching

“Leadership is doing what is right when no one is watching.” (George Van Valkenburg)

What does it mean for the man to be the spiritual leader in a family? It all comes down to a simple and fundamental truth: families need leaders. Responsibility has to stop with someone if the household is to function smoothly and efficiently. It's important to remember the difference in roles doesn't mean uneven. God doesn't consider wives inferior to husbands. Only an unwise man would reject his wife's assistance.

if a husband and wife have a healthy relationship, they make decisions together as equals. If we are looking to Jesus Christ as our model, this can only mean one thing: the man is supposed to follow the path of a servant-leader, who imitates Christ.  Sanctus Real’s song “Lead Me” captures all the struggles I have in trying to be the right leader to the family God has given me:

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone"

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone"

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Below  are some helpful suggestions for men to be the best leader of their family that their Heavenly Father intended them to be:

1.   Our wives are not too weak or incapable of being the leader While God calls the man to lead his wife and children, the Heavenly Father makes it clear that marriage is a partnership. We are co-heirs in Christ. By no means does leadership mean dictatorship. You and your spouse make combined decisions on a regular basis. In the same light that we have and need a hierarchy of leadership within every organization, God gave us an indisputable model of leadership within the home (Ephesians 5:22-6:4).

Every business needs to have a president. However, it doesn’t mean that the people that work for this leader are lesser men and women. The same applies for our families. God has positioned men to lead their families. It’s time to step up, and to deliver in a manner that reflects God's love and equality. Before we step up, we need to take a step down and submit ourselves before God and our wives. Unfortunately, too many women are dealing with husbands that refuse to lead, they are forced to lead their families. The women and children in our communities need our help. Children of all ages need to see real men that are willing to set the example of what a godly man should look like

2.   Husband’s must be willing to go to fight for the betterment of our families To contradict most of today’s psychology that is being communicated through the main-stream media today, the biological facts that verify the differences between men and women are real. Men and women (while co-heirs in Christ)) are designed differently to serve different purposes. We live during times when political correctness has gone out-of-control. 

 As husbands and fathers, we need to live on the front-line of the battlefield of life for our family. Without question, our wives and children must know we will go to battle for them regardless of the cost. Christ embodied the concept of meekness and power under restraint, and we are called to follow Him in this pursuit.

3.   When husbands love the most, we are the best leaders The life of Jesus Christ teaches husbands how to lead. Men are given an explicit command to love their wives as Christ loved His church. This means that leadership focuses on love and self-sacrifice. It’s our calling to put our wives and children before ourselves. Regardless of what our schools are teaching our children, biblical politeness is not dead. 

As fathers, our children need to see us lovingly and relentlessly serving our family in a bold and purposeful manner. We need to be a model of leadership that embodies the qualities and missional purpose of Christ's teaching of loving others as Christ loved us. If men succeed as a husband and a father, we will have succeeded in life where it matters most.

4.   Husbands should serve their families Every great leader pursues a higher calling and purpose that follows after his life. Jesus is the pinnacle example of a man living for a mission beyond Himself. I’m not here for me.  I’m divinely positioned in this time and space to serve God for a purpose that reaches far beyond my own life. I’m counting on God to use me to impact my family, my community, and this world for His ultimate glory.

From a practical standpoint, as fathers, we need to continually look for those teachable moments to build the love and truth of God's word into our children's hearts and minds. Like Christ, we need to be disciple-makers. This needs to happen in our own homes. I’ve resolved to make this one of my highest life priorities. I can’t say this with enough emphasis. One of the greatest heritage-makers we will give to our children is the love and devotion we show to our wives (and their mother).

5.   Husband’s manhood is undeniably woven into their character and actions You can’t separate a person from their gender.  God created us man and woman. It’s time that we wake up, and not deny our God-given gender but embrace it. Men need to be men, and women need to be women.  Understand this: I can’t be a good man and not put my family’s interests above my own. I can’t be a good man and watch pornography. I can’t be a good man and abuse my children.

I can’t be a good man and not intentionally look to build Christ into the lives of my wife and children. If I’m able to work, I can't be a good man and not do all I can to support my family. I believe most wives desire for the men to lead their families. Our wives and sons and daughters need to see us setting an example of what it means for a man to be the spiritual leader of his home. The next generation depends upon it.  For all the women out there that still desire for their husbands to lead in their homes, I want to encourage you to keep building your men up. God can do a mighty work through the prayer of a woman when it comes to her husband and children. Don't give up. Most men out there want to be the leader for their families.

“The function of leadership is to produce more leaders not more followers.” (Ralph Nader)[i]

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[i] Sources used:

·        “5 Things a Man Must Know to Lead His Family” by JT Waresak

·        “Spiritual Leadership in the Home” by Focus on the Family