Compromise is commonly understood as giving up something in order to reach a place of understanding in a relationship. Each partner should be happy with the outcome. Merging your perspective with someone else’s is important to a thriving relationship. This is not to say that one should ever sacrifice their core values, beliefs or needs.
1.
Be willing to
change: Be willing to act on changes as you need to. It’s one thing
to say you’re willing to compromise, but another thing entirely to
actually act on that
change. A major part of compromising is actually following through with the
resolution. This will show others that you’re willing to compromise completely
not just make false promises in order to end a fight.
2. Don’t always try to be right: A
problem with fights is that everyone involved wants to be right. We all want to
win. You need to stop feeling that way. When you want to win, you’re not
listening to the other side of the conversation. Suspend your need to be right
and listen.
3.
Keep an open mind: You
made it through a compromise intact. How does it feel? Remember this for next
time. It’s important to keep an open mind (not only for future compromises),
but also in all future interactions. Keeping an open mind, and be willing to
change your expectations. Trying not to be right in the first place might help
you avoid arguments in the future.
4. Let things go: Don’t hold so
tightly to all the past wrongs the person may have done to you. The saying is
“Forgive and forget”, not “Forgive but hold a grudge”. Just because you got
into a disagreement doesn’t mean it’s relevant to the one you’ be having today.
5.
Rethink your
expectations: Have you ever kept an argument going just because you could?
Stay calm when a disagreement arises so you’re not pulled into a fight. Keep
your emotions in check and think about what you need to say. Is it important
for you stand your point firmly, or would it be alright to give in a bit? This
is important for all relationships.
6.
Share your
beliefs and emotions: Compromising is about meeting
halfway. Don’t forsake yourself and what you believe in order to be seen as a
great compromiser. Make sure that you express your beliefs and emotions about
the situation.
Everyone involved in the situation needs to be heard, and
the easiest way to do this is to clearly and honestly state their parts. Use
“me” and “I” statements so it’s clear that this is how you feel,
and that you’re not trying to force your feelings or opinions on others.
7.
Show
appreciation: No matter the resolution of the compromise make sure you
show your appreciation to others involved. Being willing to compromise (instead
of fighting until the finish) is an admirable trait. Make sure you show how
much you appreciate the other person working with you to find the best
solution. Take time to evaluate the solution together, and express what you
like about it.
“If you are going into a relationship
expecting that you won't have to change... then I'm sorry, you are in for a
rocky time.” (Emily Blatchford)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“Compromise in Relationships: 12 Secrets to Bending
Instead of Breaking” by Zoe Coetzee
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