Very few of us view emotional wounds in the same way that we do physical injury. It’s crucial to learn how to practice emotional first aid. We maintain emotional traumas like rejection or failure more regularly than we do bodily damage, which get worse if left untreated.
This can then impact our daily and
long-term functioning and sense of happiness. The next time you feel the weight
of life bearing heavily on your shoulders. Here are several principals to grasp
onto in your psychological medicine
cabinet to provide you with all the help you need:
1.
Don’t let
excessive guilt linger:. In small doses, guilt can be
useful as it alerts you to take action to mend a problem in your relationship
with another person. Excessive guilt is toxic. It wastes your intellectual
energies; distracts you from other tasks; and prevents you from enjoying life.
One of the best ways to resolve lingering guilt is to offer an effective
apology.[i]
You might have
tried apologizing previously, but apologies are more complex than we tend to
realize. The crucial ingredient that every effective apology requires is an
empathy statement. Your apology should focus less on explaining why you did
what you did and more on how your actions impacted the other person.
2.
Find
meaning in loss: Loss is a part of life, but it can keep us from moving
forward if we don’t treat the emotional wounds it creates. If you’re still
struggling to move forward after a loss, you need to introduce a new way of
thinking about it.
The most
important thing you can do to recover is to derive purpose from it. Think of
what you might have gained from it. Consider how you might help others gain a
new appreciation for life. Imagine the changes you could make that will help
you live a life more aligned with your values.
3.
Learn what
treatments for emotional wounds work for you: Pay
attention to yourself and learn how you deal with emotional wounds. For
instance, do you shrug them off; get really upset but recover quickly; get
upset and recover slowly; or squelch your feelings?
Use this
analysis to help yourself understand which emotional first aid treatments work
best for you in various situations. Get into the habit of taking note of your
psychological health on a regular basis (especially after an emotionally
painful situation).
4.
Monitor
and protect your self-esteem: When you feel like putting yourself down, take a
moment to be compassionate to yourself when
you are already hurting. Self-esteem
is like an emotional immune system that strengthens your emotional toughness.
When you’re feeling critical of yourself, do the following exercise: imagine a
dear friend is feeling bad about them self for similar reasons and write an
email expressing compassion and support. Then read the email. Those are the
messages you should be giving yourself.
5.
Pay
attention to emotional pain: The body
evolved the sensation of physical pain to alert us that something is wrong, and
we need to address it. If a bad mood is not getting better, it means you’ve
sustained a psychological wound and you need to treat it. For example,
loneliness can be devastatingly damaging to your psychological and physical
health, so when you are feeling emotionally isolated, you need to take action.
6.
Redirect
the feeling of failure: Failure can often drive you to focus
on what you can’t do instead of focusing on what you can. That can then make
you less likely to perform at your best, which will make you even more focused
on your shortcomings. To stop this sort of emotional spiral, learn to ignore
the reaction of feeling helpless. Make a list of factors that you
can control when you to try again. Think about preparation and planning,
and improving each of them. This kind of exercise will improve future
accomplishments.
7.
When
negative thoughts are taking over, disrupt them with positive distraction: The
best way to disrupt unhealthy reflections is to distract yourself by engaging
in a task that requires concentration (for example, do a Sudoku, crossword
puzzles, try to recall all the books of the Bible).
Two minutes of distraction will reduce the urge to focus on the negative
unhealthily judgments of yourself.[ii]
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions; we also numb the positive emotions.” (Brené Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to be and Embrace Who You Are)
[i] Suggested reading on this topic: The Five Languages of Apology: How to Express
Healing in All Your Relationships by Gary
Chapman and Jennifer
Thomas
[ii] Sources used:
·
“7 Ways
to Practice Emotional First Aid” by Dr.
Guy Winch, PhD
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