Do you ever react with anger or fear?
Do you ever say or do things that later you wish you hadn’t? Do you ever wish
you could take back your angry words or actions? Wouldn’t a rewind (or do-over)
be great?
Emotional
triggers usually have long histories behind them. They very often occur because
of something from one’s past. Emotional triggers are often connected to an so-called inadequacy about oneself
that can be a source of raw emotional pain to us.
Emotional triggers often happen when
someone (or something) upsets you, and you’re your emotions are set off. There
are problems with over-reacting, taking incidents out of proportion, or reacting
in anger. When you need to cool down fast before you blow out of control,
you can try the Siberian North Railroad Response. Remember the acronym SBNRR
for the simple steps of Stop, Breathe, Notice, Reflect, Respond in this process:
1.
Stop: If you can take a quick pause for just a moment, you empower
yourself to choose a more effective response (rather than just react to your
emotional trigger). This moment is
known as the sacred pause.
It enables all the other steps. In almost every instance, this one step
is enough to make a big difference.
2.
Breathe: Take a deep breath, and focus on your breath as a quick
way to center yourself. By focusing
the mind on taking conscious deep breaths, calms the body and mind.
3.
Notice: Notice the physical reaction within your body. Don’t
judge, but just notice. Experience
your emotion by bringing attention to your body. What does this
feel like in your entire body? Notice changes in tension and
temperature. Apply mindfulness by experiencing it moment-to-moment.
4.
Reflect: What’s behind your emotional reaction? See if
you can figure out why you react to the trigger.
Without judging it to be right or wrong, let’s just
bring this viewpoint into the situation. If this experience involves
another person, put yourself inside the other person looking out at you.
Think about these statements:
·
Everybody
wants to be happy.
·
This
person thinks acting this way will make him happy in some way.
5.
Respond: Focus on a positive outcome and choose how to
respond. This is your learning opportunity, and it’s the moment you want
to be proud of later. Bring to mind
ways in which you might respond to this situation that would have
a positive outcome. You do not actually have to do it. Just imagine
the kindest, most positive response. What would that look like?
“The people who trigger us to feel
negative emotion are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of
our being.”
(Teal Swan)[i]
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