Encourage Me: Absent (But Not Forgotten)

On June 24, 1978, my forty-two year old father (a successful independent barber) became part of my past due to a car accident. At the age of fourteen, I and my younger siblings were unaware of how the absence of this paternal role would affect all of us for the rest of our lives.

At my current age of fifty-two, I no longer believe that the position of fatherhood is a disposable one that can be accurately performed by a single mother. With no disrespect, an adult female can’t teach a boy how to be a man, nor can an adult male instruct a daughter how to be a woman.

Trusted individuals of the same sex (connected with the family) need to take on that role to help a child move safely into manhood (or womanhood).

Though my mother did her absolute best to bring in positive role models into the lives of me and my siblings, at each phase of my life there was always that desire to ask my dad if I was doing this manhood thing right. (Who else, but my father, could help me with that?)

I wish the opportunity had been there to find out more about my father’s past, which was mine. Ultimately, I have to trust that God knew best in choosing to take my father (Robert Eugene Kinker) home to be with Him.

Only the Heavenly Father knew my dad’s future. There was something negative in it that He chose to protect Him from by physically removing him out of this world. I loved my dad, and I am thrilled God cherished him too.

I missed my father’s emotional support during my high school and college graduations, the death of my younger brother(Jim), at my wedding, our miscarriages, the birth of my daughter (Allena), and becoming acquainted with all our dogs (over the years).

Dad will never be able to read my blog, ENCOURAGE ME, which I believe he would have found interesting. (Is their Internet in Heaven?)

If you’ve seen the 1998 movie, Jack Frost, you may remember the song “Father’s Love” as performed by Bob Carlisle. The chorus does a marvelous job of summarizing in a few words the importance (and ultimate goal) of positive fatherhood.

There is no power on earth like your father’s love

So big and so strong as your father’s love

A promise that’s sacred, a promise from Heaven above

No matter where you go always know

You can depend on your father’s love

Can we all admit fatherhood is an important role in the family? The influence (or absence) of a dad can either make or break the character of a child throughout their life.

Ephesians 6:4 (MSG) says, “Fathers, don’t [infuriate] your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.”

I wish I could tell you all that I have been the perfect father to my daughter, Allena. In parenthood, my wife sees the gray areas of mercy. Many times the black and white areas of justice seem to be what I lean towards.

If you are a dad, this is an important thought you should always remember. (I am here to validate it as truth.) Your success or failure in the role of fatherhood will be transferred to your child’s viewpoint of their Heavenly Father.

You have the control to cripple or empower your offspring in their ability to connect to their true source of strength during the challenges life offers them.