Situations

 “Not everything is about you, directed at you, or having to do with your situations. The world doesn’t revolve around your problems alone. Other people have lives too.” (Pinterest)

Have you ever had someone in your life who has given you blunt, painful, well-meaning advice all in the attempts to make you come to terms with a serious character defect? A close friend recently told me of my narcissitic tendencies that were sabotaging every area of my life.

In case you have no idea what a narcissistic individual is, it is defined as someone who is “extremely self-centered with an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They are usually characterized by an excessive infatuation with themself.”

The theme song for individuals like me is the chorus of Toby Keith’s song, “I Wanna Talk about Me.”

I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one, oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know
What I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you usually
But occasionally
I wanna talk about me (me, me, me, me)
I wanna talk about me (me, me)

In processing this information with several other friends certain things became evident:

·       Bobbi was thrilled someone was finally breaking through to the self-centered husband she loved and had said this stuff to for years.

·       On the negative side, none of the friends I spoke with denied my narcissism.

·       The control I have tried to create in my life, has caused me in many ways to become more self-absorbed with my life than I need to be. (In other words, I need to get out more among people so I can become better at dealing with them.)

·       I believe no one in today’s world is 100% selfless (no matter whether the public evidence proves otherwise).

·       To me, it’s evident that narcissism can have a positive side. Throughout history strong leaders have placed the focus on themselves to accomplish great things. 

If you (like me) are seeking for ways to become more empathetic (and others-focused) in your communication (and listening) skills, here are some suggestions:

·       Active listening: Empathy usually results from a conversation you have with another person. When they are speaking, you want to make sure you are fully listening. Active listening means you focus on what is being said and avoid interrupting. A good active listener will repeat or summarize what they heard to solidify their understanding.

·       Curiosity: A desire to understand a person is more effective when there is a genuine desire to learn more about them. Curiosity helps foster this connection. Use your curiosity to learn about the other person. Let curiosity influence your thoughts and emotions as you try to see and feel from another’s perspective.

·       Leave your comfort zone: Sometimes you need to be vulnerable and learn to keep an open mind. The best way to do this is to leave your comfort zone and challenge yourself. Place yourself in new environments that make you reconsider past assumptions, and teach you about other ways of living.

·       Nonviolent communication: Nonviolent communication uses strategies to reach an understanding without the use of aggression. Your ability to connect with another person depends on your ability to move away from aggressive or defensive tendencies. With nonviolent communication, you can use your empathy.

·       Receiving feedback: There are situations where when you receive feedback you may need to use your empathy. If someone tells you that your actions made them feel a certain way, it can be helpful to be empathetic to their feedback. This in turn can help you respond in a manner that is helpful rather than troublesome.

·       Self-awareness: Self-awareness is the ability to understand how you and others perceive yourself. Someone with a high level of self-awareness will have an accurate assessment of their strengths and weaknesses.

·       Understand body language: Body language reveals a lot about what a person is feeling. Though they may say one thing, their movements could tell another.

“Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in [you].” (Mohsin Hamid) [i]

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[i] Adapted from:

·       “Narcissistic” by Merriam-Webster

·       “THE MOST IMPORTANT EMPATHY SKILLS (WITH EXAMPLES)”by Chris Kolmar