“Marriage is not about the wedding. It’s about the years of growing together…as individuals, and not giving up on one another.” (www.reasonswhyilove.com)
“The only thing
perfect about marriage is the airbrushed wedding photo.” (Anonymous) Marriage can be a
wonderful thing, but it takes a lot of hard work by two flawed human beings. A
good marriage is a long-term process (not an overnight miracle). Putting time
and energy into it is a lifetime occupation. The way marriage is portrayed
throughout the media can confuse marital expectations, and set the stage for
disappointment, which can eventually lead to marriage
counseling or even divorce.
Read the list of marriage myths below with its
accompanying realities provided. They can keep your marital relationship
strong. Examining these ten marital myths can help you see your marriage more
clearly.
Conflicts only stem from the behavior of the spouses: It’s amazing how
much outside people, situations, and events can impact your marriage. Strong
boundaries around your marital relationship will help you and your spouse
weather the storms of outside interference, such as nosey in-laws, demanding
children, and extramarital temptations.
Good, healthy marriages come naturally: All relationships experience peaks
and valleys. Even the best couples have to work at prioritizing their marriage
and romance. The everyday problems and challenges of married life can
often cloud over romantic feelings. This is when making a commitment is
crucial. When you’re in a valley, try compiling a list of your spouse’s virtues
to remind yourself of why you love him/her.
Healthy marriages are conflict free: All couples experience conflict, but
healthy couples can communicate and resolve conflict effectively. Healthy
couples may even work with a marriage and family therapist to help them learn
more effective ways to communicate and resolve their issues.
Living together first can test if the marriage will be successful: Cohabitation is not
a good test for marriage. Know that living
together before marriage in many circumstances is associated
with negative marital outcomes.
Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going
to get: Successful
marriages aren’t generally the result of luck or chance. Couples with enduring,
healthy marriages typically share similar values and life goals. They have both
a strong commitment and friendship in their relationship with one another. They
are willing to do what it takes to make their relationships successful, whether
that’s going to marriage counseling or taking time each week to reconnect.
Marriage will solve all of your problems: Any unaddressed problems you had
before your marriage, you’ll still have when you get married. Marriage isn’t a
magic wand that can take a person’s troubles away (even if it feels like that’s
what happening in the beginning). Take inventory of the issues you “bring to
the marriage table” and address them with the love and support of your spouse.
Married people have less satisfying sex lives: This is one of
those marriage myths that has very little basis in reality. Married people
report having sex more often and enjoying it more than their single
counterparts.
Never go to bed angry: This maxim (adapted from Ephesians 4:26) can become
counterproductive if an argument drags on and you’re only getting less agreeable
with each other. It’s okay to call a time out. Set a time to reconnect the next
day when you’re fresher and have had time to cool off.
Your love life is neutral: Your love life has spillover effects into
friendships, other familial relationships, and relationships with co-workers.
It also affects your physical and mental health.
Your spouse completes you: You were always a complete individual. A
spouse can complement you, but not complete you. It’s unreasonable to expect
your spouse to fulfill all of your emotional needs.
“Even if you plan
a marriage and a family, you are never quite prepared for the reality versus
how you imagined it. In a lot of ways it’s better, and in a lot of ways it’s
worse. That’s life, right?” (Katherine Heigl)[i]
[i] Adapted from:
· “Deflating 6 Common Marriage Myths”
by HowStuffWorks
· “Top 10 Myths about Marriage” by
Marina Edelman
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