A Priority

 “There’s no space for peace when perfectionism is a priority.” (Keith Bosse)

Perfectionism is the need to be (or appear to be) perfect, or even to believe that it’s possible to achieve perfection. It is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth. That being said, the older I get the more of a perfectionist I become. Where the average person would be okay with a normal job done on any project, my unrealistic inner boss screams that everything done must be flawless with no errors. My distorted sense of perfection is never more evident than is displayed in this blog. No posts go out unless they meet my high standard of perfection in the way things are written, or how they appear visually.

Sometimes, it’s even difficult to go to sleep at night because my inner boss wants me to write (weeks before I need it for the blog). Creativity mixed with perfectionism comes at an emotional cost to a person. Loyalty and perfectionism means all things you do happen at warp speed unlike a normal person at a regular time frame. (The worst thing anyone can say of you is that you didn’t follow through on something.)

Signs that you might be a perfectionist:

·       Perfectionists do not perform a task unless they know it can be done perfectly.

·       Perfectionists don’t see a task as finished until the result is perfect (according to their standards). 

·       Perfectionists tend to procrastinate in beginning tasks until they can do them perfectly.

·       Perfectionists take an excessive amount of time to complete a task (that does not typically take others long to complete). 

·       Perfectionists view the end product as the most important part of any undertaking. As a result, they may focus less on the process of learning or completing a task to the best of their ability. 

Overcoming perfectionism in five steps that will silence your inner perfectionist

Find the gap between your standards and reality: Let’s start with silencing our own inner perfectionist. The problem most perfectionists have is they don’t think what they’re doing is wrong. The inner boss inside their head tells them their standards are realistic (no matter how impossible or irrational they actually are). Knowing your standards are out of whack is half the battle. For most deep-seated perfectionists, this statement won’t make sense. Of course, everything you do is important and necessary.

Why would you do it otherwise? However, this argument falls apart when you start to dig into this assumption. Let’s start with some math. The Pareto Principle is a widely accepted phenomenon that states how 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. In other words, your effort follows the law of diminishing returns. In most cases, relaxing your standards even just a little bit will save you time, effort, and stress.

Silence your inner perfectionist by thinking like an athlete: Now that your standards are a little more in check, let’s deal with the next major issue: the fear of failure. Work becomes a huge part of your identity so that messing up is no longer seen as an option. In some instances, this drive for perfectionism can be a positive force. Think about the way an athlete trains using Deliberate Practice to hone in on every tiny detail of their skill. Setbacks or failures aren’t “all or nothing” situations.

They’re opportunities to reflect, learn, and adjust your approach. However, few of us see work failures in the same light. Instead, we use what therapists call “maladaptive perfectionism”—collecting an archive of all the moments we didn’t succeed and revisiting them on a regular basis to feel bad. When you see failure as simply a launching place for success, you break out of the need to be perfect and can understand that each mistake is a step towards something better.

Get more comfortable with uncertainty: Perfectionists have a need to see the world as problems they have the solution to. When life turns to the unexpected, panic sets in. Perfectionists are in search of control. That price isn’t just an inability to deal with uncertainty, but also feeling like “being right” is just who they are. No one enjoys feeling uncertain. But perfectionists actively fight it at every stage. So how do you start to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable?

Here are a few tips:

Ask: “What’s the worst case scenario?” Uncertainty often means exposure to a lack of comfort, security, and confidence. But while your initial reaction might be fear, playing it out shows it’s not that bad. Will the world end? Will you get fired? Usually, the consequences aren’t as dire as we make them out to be.

Create your own safety net: A fall-back plan will help you get over the fear of jumping into the unknown. Trying creating a group of friends or colleague you trust. Or find resources to help guide you when you’re lost.

Try to experience the joy of the unknown: This is easier said than done, but you can also try to reframe the fear of the unknown as excitement. Not knowing means you’re not tied to expectations or specific outcomes. Think of yourself as an explorer, not a guide.  

Set guardrails to your effort (and remember the law of diminishing returns): While asking “What’s the worst case scenario?” is a good exercise, experiencing that space is so much more powerful. Run a small experiment where you either purposefully stop early or give yourself hard limits on your work.

For example, you might cut back a round of edits on a document before sending it. Or, send an email without re-reading it 5 times. As they explain: Not only will this help you get over your own perfectionism, but it can also highlight places where your effort is better spent. It’s one of the only ways you can actually find more time in the day.

Ask for 30/90 feedback instead of sending something that is 100%: So far, we’ve focused on getting rid of your perfectionist thoughts. But what about the pressure to be perfect at work? The truth is that most managers and bosses don’t want you to fail. It’s in their best interest for you to succeed. And they’d rather have input earlier on to help you course correct than have to deal with major issues when you send in your “perfect” final project.

One solution to this is a practice called 30/90 feedback. If a project is at 90%, you’re asking for line-level feedback like typos, glitches, or silly mistakes. At 30%, the reviewer skips over those things (assuming they’ll be looped in later to help with them) and focuses on the broader strokes: structure, strategy, approach. Using this technique can help curb the socially-prescribed perfectionism in the workplace in a couple of ways, You won’t get as much work piled on you: When your managers are aware of the status of your projects they’re less likely to pile more and more on you. More feedback early on gets managers invested. 

When you share things early on, you’re effectively making your managers a partner in the project. They’ll be more invested and remove the uncertainty of not knowing their expectations and feeling like you have to create your version of perfection.

“Let go of who you’re supposed to be, and embrace who you are.” (Brene’ Brown)[i]

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[i] Adapted from:

·       “Overcoming perfectionism: 5 science-backed ways to quiet your inner perfectionist” by: Jory MacKay

·       “Perfectionism” by GoodTherapy

This was my "perfect" author photo in my late twenties if I ever became published. Notice the title of the second book underneath my elbow. Rebel and Saint was novel about Onesimus in the Bible. The title has always applied to me as a person. I thought it was hilarious at the time to have that in my picture.