Stronger

 The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.” (George C. Scott)

In the United States in 2021, the estimated number of new cancer cases diagnosed is1.9 million with 608,570 cancer deaths. It is such a wonderful blessing to be eleven years in remission as I flourish. One important lesson I learned during this scary time in my life (that I don’t believe I could have learned any other way) is that my heavenly father is in control whether I exist here on Earth or in Heaven. I am pleased that God decided to give me a second chance at my life (because if I would have become a citizen of Heaven there would have been many wonderful things I would not have got the chance to experience).

Cancer is a group of many related diseases that all have to do with billions of cells, which are the very small units that make up the human body. Cancer will occur when cells that are not normal grow and continue to grow and divide out of control. They don't die when they're supposed to.

Cancer cells clump together to form tumors. Tumors are a lump of cancer cells that destroy the normal cells around them as they damage the body's healthy tissues, and cause the human being they are inside of to get very ill. Sometimes cancer cells break away from the original tumor and travel to other areas of the body where they keep growing, and form new tumors. The spreading of a tumor to a new place in the body is called metastasis.

The term "cancer" encompasses more than 100 diseases affecting nearly every part of the body. They are all potentially life-threatening. Cancers are named for the area in which they begin, and the type of cell they are made of (even if they spread to other parts of the body). There are clinical terms used for five general types of cancer:

Carcinoma is the most commonly diagnosed cancer.  It originates in the skin, lungs, breasts, pancreas, tissues, and other organs and glands.

Leukemia is a cancer of bone marrow, which creates blood cells. Leukemia does not usually form solid tumors. 

Lymphoma is cancer of the immune system.

Melanoma is cancer that arises in cells that make skin pigment.

Sarcoma is a cancer of connective tissues such as bones, muscles, fat, cartilage, blood vessels, or other soft or connective tissues of the body. Sarcomas are relatively uncommon.

If someone in your life has been diagnosed with cancer, you may wonder what to say to them. You may be hesitant to reach out because of fear that you may be bothering them, or that you’ll say the wrong thing. Below is what not to say to someone who has cancer:

“Everything is going to be just fine.” When people first find out they have cancer, they go through a range of emotions, which might include feeling overwhelmed, in denial, angry, or afraid. Telling them that everything is going to be fine minimizes their feelings and signals that you may not realize the magnitude of the situation.

“I had a relative who died from cancer.” When you hear sad news, you want to show empathy. Someone’s diagnosis is not this person’s verdict. And telling an individual about how someone else lost the battle against cancer only them of the worst-case scenario.

“I love your wig.” Chances are good if a person didn’t have cancer, wouldn’t make a comment on their worst hair day. Although people say this with good intensions, it only brings the cancer patient’s attention back to the fact that they have no hair. That can make them feel uncomfortable and insecure. This is the exact opposite of what you wanted to do.

“I read this article about someone who cured their own cancer.” Most cancer patients have an entire team of people working alongside them to find the right treatment plan, which includes a medical oncologist. You sending a cancer patient various articles (especially from non-credible sources) about bizarre strategies could be harmful by providing false information (or a untrue sense of hope). Every cancer (and cancer patient) is different, and what may have worked for one person may not work for another.

“Let me know what I can do to help.” Asking the cancer patient what you can do to help puts the focus on them to think of something (in addition to everything else they already have to do). Chances are that they won’t follow up with a request (even if they really need the help).

Here is what to say to someone who has cancer:

“Are you up for a visit today?” People struggling with a health issue want to feel like they have support when they need it. There will certainly be times when they need their space. They may have vomited a lot after treatment, and the last thing they want is to feel like they have to do is act like everything is fine. Ask if they’re up for a visit, but don’t take it personally if they say “no.” Just tell them you understand, and you’ll try another day. If you make plans weeks or days in advance to see them, follow up the day of to make sure it’s still alright to come by.

They might have been feeling great the day they made the plans, and not so good when the day arrives. When you are there for your visit, just listen because sometimes your presence is enough. If you’re at a loss for words, visit them anyway. A hug, a hand squeeze, or simply sitting next to them can be helpful.

“How are you feeling today?” The cancer patient might be having the worst day of their life. This question opens the door to allow them to talk about their pain or worry, which might help them cope. Don’t use their response to give unsolicited advice. To show empathy, you can simply say, “It sounds like today has been hard for you.”

“I am in this together with you. Would you like me to go with you to your next appointment?” There’s nothing that makes someone feel lonelier or more isolated than receiving a cancer diagnosis. There’s an almost instant feeling of being overwhelmed, which makes it difficult to know what to do first. Ask if you can go with the individual to an important appointment to support them by helping them take notes. They might be distracted by their emotions, and having someone there could ensure they don’t miss any important details.

“Would it be ok if I did [specific action] to help you out?” Offer a specific example of one way you could help. You might start a meal train (or food genius) so they have homemade dinners ready that they didn’t have to cook. Asking if you can help with something specific makes it easier to accept the offer, and it shows them you really mean it.

“You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.” (Stuart Scott)[i]

 

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[i] Adapted from:

·        “Cancer Facts & Figures 2021” by American Cancer Society

·        “Understanding Cancer -- the Basics” Reviewed by Gabriela Pichardo, MD

·        “What Do You Want to Know about Cancer?” by healthline

·        “What Is Cancer?” Reviewed by Dorothea N. Douglas, MD

·        “What to Say (And Not Say) to Someone Who Has Cancer” by Swarner

Cancer