God’s Family

 If your brother or sister in God’s family does something wrong, go and tell them what they did wrong. Do this when you are alone with them. If they listen to you, then you have helped them to be your brother or sister again. ¹⁶ But if they refuse to listen, go to them again and take one or two people with you. Then there will be two or three people who will be able to tell all that happened. ¹⁷ If they refuse to listen to them, tell the church. And if they refuse to listen to the church, treat them as you would treat someone who does not know God or who is [immoral or a wrongdoer]. (Matthew 18:15-17, ERV)

Biblical steps to healthy conflict resolution:

1.   Overlook the offense (if possible)- A person with discretion is not easily angered. He gains respect by overlooking an offense. (Proverbs 19:11, VOICE) If that cannot happen then…

2.   One-on-one reconciliation- This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to [give your] offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. (Matthew 5:23-24, MSG) See Matthew 18:15 above.  This step should include prayer for healing; planning what must be said, picking a time and place to meet, and creative problem solving. This step is best done in person, and not via the Internet (or digital communication). If this does not work then…

3.   Objective mediation- Paul: Euodia and Syntyche, I urge you to put aside your differences, agree, and work together in the Lord. ³ Yes, Syzygus, loyal friend, I enlist you to please help these women. They, along with brother Clement and many others have worked by my side to spread the good news of the gospel. They have their names recorded in the book of life. (Philippians 4:2-3, VOICE) See Matthew 18:16 above. If this doesn’t work then…

4.   Obeyed arbitration- Here’s another troubling issue. If you have a grievance against another follower of Jesus, do you have the audacity to bring that brother or sister into the civil courts rather than submitting yourselves to the authority of God’s people? (1 Corinthians 6:1, VOICE) See Matthew 18:17 above. If all of the above steps have been followed, it is alright to drop the relationship. Separation does negate forgiveness (and letting go of the bitterness).

It is always easier to walk away from a problem (and sever connections with a person) than to seek to heal a dilemma. Christians are called to be peacemakers. Do the best you can to live in peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18, ERV)

 If you wish others to overlook your faults (and show you grace), you must do the same for them.  Think of the kindness you wish others would show you; do the same for them. (Luke 6:31, VOICE)[i]

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[i] Inspired by the sermon “Staying Connected to Through Conflict: Staying Together” (installment four, final) Sunday August 23, 2020, Pastor Dave Jansen, CenterPoint Gahanna.  All CenterPoint churches are closed due to the Coronavirus, and are meeting online at 10am at the CenterPoint Church Main Page on Facebook.)

This sermon helped me finally resolve long-held angry feelings towards a friend of mine.