Oxygen Mask

“Selfish isn't a dirty word. Fit your own oxygen mask [on] first so you're able to help someone else.” (Anonymous)

We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile

Chorus
I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes
your high school team and your moisturizer cream
We talk about your nana up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama
We talk about your guys of every shape and size
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize
We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts
And your medical charts and when you start
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then

Chorus (twice)

When I think back on the above 2001 song, “I Wanna Talk about Me," by country artist, Toby Keith; for me it has became a national anthem for selfishness. Neither party in the song seems to be very interested in what the other person thinks (or feels). Selfishness is simply defined as “being focused on one's own advantage (regardless of others).” Is selfishness always a contrary character flaw?

 

The word selfish almost always has a negative connotation. The good side of selfishness is that you take care of yourself enough to be in top form for doing whatever you want to spend energy on. In fact, even staying alive requires a certain amount of selfishness. You have to eat, sleep, and get yourself shelter. The happier, healthier, and more self-fulfilled you are, the more you'll have to give to the causes and people who matter most to you. Being selfish in some areas can allow you to be more generous in others? Why not feel good about putting yourself first?

Everyone knows at least a few selfish people. These are the kind of individuals that either make decisions without stopping to think how their actions affect others, or simply don't care whether they do. A person's background influences their decision-making later in life. People who grew up in supportive environments have experienced firsthand how generosity can benefit others so their first instinct is to cooperate with others even if they don't know them. People who grew up where self-interest was the norm are inclined to act immediately selfish. Humans aren't "hardwired" to be selfish or cooperative. We can be either one (or both) depending on the situation.

You want to be the good kind of selfishness, with the virtue that allows you to be good to others because you were first able to be good to yourself. Do you always find yourself saying “Yes” to things you don’t want to do? You do this because you don’t want to feel guilty or selfish (the bad kind).

Can you help them if you are not operating at your highest potential? It’s time to start gaining the skills you need to turn down requests for projects you don’t want to do. Being selfish (the good kind) can totally help with this. Developing self-care, self-compassion, self-esteem, self-love, self-management, self-respect, and self-worth can help you reach your own personal goals.

Self-Care: This concept can also be easily compared to giving your car fuel and oil so that you don't break down from attempting to run on empty. Self-care is the ability to promote health with (or without) the support of a health-care provider. It is shown through things you do to keep yourself healthy by making improvements and maintaining a good balance. You are nurturing yourself so that you feel well or being able to rebound quickly when you don’t feel well.

It is here you give yourself proper tools to enhance your overall self both inside and out. Your personal hygiene not only shows you how much you care about you, but it also shows the world how much you care about you. If you only bathe twice a week you may have an odor on the days you don’t bathe. People who have to sit next to you many not appreciate your natural aroma. It shows them you don’t care enough about yourself to do even the basics of cleaning your own body. 

There are many ways to nurture you like journaling, getting a massage, reading self-improvement materials, and attending counseling. You have to figure out which activities make you feel the best about yourself. Don’t take a yoga class if you are stiff as a board. Don’t go on a hike if you have a broken foot. Pick activities that you actually enjoy, that you choose (not your friends or family), that make you feel good.

Self-Compassion: Developing and refining your compassion skills so you can fully relate to others is a great reason to be selfish. Compassion is the feeling you get when you want to help someone who is suffering. You see the person standing on the side of the road holding a sign asking for help. You automatically think that there has to be something you can do to help them out. You are suffering at times, too.

Your inner self is holding up a huge sign that says “Help Needed:  I’m tired, depressed, hungry, and emotionally drained”. It is important that you pay attention to your own signs. If you ignore those inner signs when you first start hearing them, they will become louder and present themselves in a negative way like through panic attacks or ulcers. Developing self-compassion can give you the desire to fix whatever is ailing within you.

Self-Esteem: Improving your self-esteem is another big reason you should be selfish. Self-esteem means having confidence in your abilities. This will lead to feeling like you are worthy of a happy life. No matter how many people tell you that you won’t become successful or put you down in some other way, you can still have high self-esteem. It comes from within you. You can train yourself to ignore the negatives.

Don’t get this confused with cockiness, which has a strong element of arrogance and entitlement associated with it. Most arrogant people don’t have that much self-esteem believe it or not. They hide their insecurities behind their cockiness. Having a good level of self-esteem allows you to take more risks, be more ambitious, and cope with loss or rejection. People with high self-esteem are generally happier.

Self-Love: Self-Love is caring enough about yourself to want to take care of all your needs. This doesn’t mean you fall in love with yourself and marry yourself because that’s just weird. If you don’t have self-love, nothing else will matter when trying to be selfish in a good way.

This means you know you are valuable and you recognize that if you were not here other people would be affected in some way. Start loving yourself by first stopping all negative thinking. Anytime a negative thought enters your mind be aware and make a conscious choice to change it into a positive thought. Praise, support, and forgive yourself are great ways show love to you. Have fun because your life is meant to be enjoyed.

Self-Management: Being dependent on others is necessary in some rare cases. However, being dependent on others when you are perfectly capable of taking care of all of your own needs is just wrong. The feeling self-management can give you is priceless. Self-management means you take care of all your health needs yourself. This doesn’t mean you quit going to the doctor and stop taking your medicines.

It does mean that if you need a ride to the doctor you obtain that ride yourself instead of asking a friend to do it for you. It means making sure you take all of your medications as prescribed. As a good manager, you work with others who can help you; you just don’t depend on them for all of your health needs. Managing yourself gives you a sense of responsibility because you are holding yourself accountable. This gives you pride and a feeling of reward both of which are healthy for you.

Self-Respect: You teach people how to treat you. It means if you don’t respect yourself then no one else will. Don’t get angry for being called a slob if that is how you present yourself and your surroundings. If you are one who takes great care of yourself and your surroundings, then you have no right to be labeled a slob. Self-respect revolves around how you feel about the choices you make. When you make the right choices, you feel proud of yourself.

Piling up a bunch of right decisions in your corner can increase the amount of respect you have for yourself. Self-respect means a lot of different things. Mainly, you are honest with yourself, have good manners, are responsible in areas of work and money, have positive goals for your life, choose positive friendships, and are able to say you are sorry when you make a mistake.

Self-Worth: You are not putting a price value on yourself, but a life value. Your life is priceless and you need to realize that. Self-Worth tells you how you feel about you, not about what things you have done. It has to do with the value you place on yourself and whether or not you feel you deserve good things.

If you base your worth on what you do rather than who you are then you will be full of stress and anxiety. Get a higher self-worth so you can enjoy the life you have, not the life you think you need. Self-worth is closely connected with thoughts so the goal should be to replace any negative thoughts about you with positive ones.

To be successful you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve. And once you get to your highest level, then you have to be unselfish. Stay reachable. Stay in touch. Don't isolate.  (Michael Jordan) [i]

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[i] Sources used:

·        “5 Reasons It's OK to Be Selfish Sometimes, According To Science “By Eliza Castile

·        “7 Reasons Why Being Selfish is a Good Thing” by Vantage Point

·        “9 reasons why you should be selfish” By Cammy Pedroja

·        “Selfish” by Dictionary.com

·        “Selfish” by Merriam-Webster