Adulting is defined as behaving in a manner consistent with
responsible adulthood. There's a psychology to managing your adult life. Adulting
can be about performing the little things of life like regular chores and good
hygiene as well as the big things like taking responsibility for your life
rather than blaming someone else.
Much of adulting consists of working
against human nature. We humans tend to focus on whatever sparkly thing is
directly in front of us. Adulting often means taking the long
view of saving for retirement, exercising, and taking vitamins. It’s the process
of growing up. Adulting occurs as you trade dependence for independence and
self-centeredness for community. Below are reminders on being the best adult
possible:
Become a lifelong learner-You’re either growing or you’re dying. By the
time you’re an adult, you’ve stopped physically growing. You had better not
stop mentally growing. Most multi-tasking is a myth because it involves
switching between to tasks that require the same attentional resources. Audio
eBooks and podcasts are rare exceptions. You can listen to them while doing
something else. Here’s why books are amazing: it probably takes somewhere
between 8–10 hours to read an average sized book.
It probably
took the author years to write it. If you factor in the life
experience that put them in a position to write the book, it’s not an
exaggeration to say that some books were decades in the making. If you
get a book from the library, there’s no monetary cost at all, just the time
cost of actually reading the book.
Clarify your values-Part of adulting
is setting goals, but it’s arguably more important to figure out your values.
Goals are things you want to achieve. They are the destination. Values
are the road, guide how you get to your destination, how you
treat people, how you conduct yourself, and how you choose your priorities.
Goals are what, values are how. One way to
start clarifying your values is to notice what annoys you. You may value
limiting waste, dependability, following the rules.
A more pleasant
way to understand your values is to notice what inspires you. Who do you
respect? Who are your role models that you admire? Paying attention to
your outrage and your inspiration helps you reflect on what’s important to you,
which in turn can inform your decisions as you figure out not only what,
but who you want to be influenced by as you age.
Do things that scare you-It used to be the case that our comfort zone
and our safety zone were more or less the same thing? That uncomfortable
feeling you got when you encountered a snarling bear was because you were in immediate physical danger. Life is
pretty safe now. The most dangerous thing we do is driving, and even that’s
pretty safe. Yet we’re all completely comfortable with driving and
uncomfortable with far safer activities like public speaking. The comfort zone
is no longer a reliable indicator of the safety zone. If you want to be at your
best, you’re going to need to do things that scare the living daylights out of
you. If what you wanted could be found in your comfort zone, you’d already have
it.
Feel negative emotions-Negative emotion
gets a bad knock. Increasingly, it’s seen as a sign of things gone wrong. One
of the few negative side effects of the happiness movement is a creeping
unwillingness to feel bad especially when it comes to negative emotions like
sadness, frustration, anxiety, shame, and doubt. Push back against the
belief that you should only feel happy and confident. Feeling lousy sometimes
is normal and healthy. And any transition or new venture will generate a range
of emotions. Now, consistently melting into a puddle of worry, holding a
constant black cloud of sadness over your head, or slinging daily lightning
bolts of anger isn’t productive, but being willing to feel bad, sad, or mad,
when it's appropriate to the circumstances, is a sign of maturity and
awareness.
Think of it as
being emotionally awake. A willingness to express negative emotion went along
with having more and closer friends. Negative emotions allow people to see you
as an approachable human rather than an unapproachable superhuman. Say you feel
nervous rather than pretending you have it all together. Take that slump in
stride, and let your frustration put you into action even when it comes to
everyday emotions like feeling awful.
Invest in yourself-Your body wasn’t
designed to sit in a chair for eight hours every day at work only to come home
and sit on the couch for another three. You body was made to move so start
moving. Get comfortable moving your body intentionally and through full ranges
of motion. If you don’t use it, you might lose it. Quality is more important
than quantity here. High quality equals real food like meat, vegetables,
legumes, fruit, dairy, or eggs. Real food is healthy and delicious. It takes a
little effort to store and prepare, but it is a joy to eat and does the body
good. Low quality is processed food not
on the list above.
This
includes anything making a health claim, that comes in a box, that is made from
any of the 61plus names that are given to sugar on ingredient labels, that is
made from refined corn or soy, vegetable oil, and other industrial oils, that
you get when eating out, and nearly everything from the middle aisles of the
grocery store. In case you didn’t know, chronic disease is your biggest enemy
in living a long, fulfilling, pain-free life. A high-sugar, low-fiber diet is a
recipe for debilitating disease over the course of decades. A low-sugar,
high-fiber diet is the key to health and vitality. I’m not saying you should
never eat junk food, I’m asking you to set sensible limits for yourself like
soda on Saturdays, try to prepare at least 75% of meals at home using real
ingredients, eat out at places that offer real food. You can set your
own limits, but eating like everyone else will make you as fat and sick as
everyone else.
Learn how to listen-Everyone wants to talk, and no one wants to
listen. Do the world a favor and become an active listener. Start by paying
attention to your physical posture in conversation. Square your shoulders to
the person you are talking to. A person’s shoulders indicate their level of
interest in the conversation. If your shoulders are turned away, it looks like
you are trying to get away. A closed posture such as having your arms folded indicates
an attempt to be guarded and not vulnerable. Lean in because this indicates
attentiveness and interest. You don’t exactly need to look right into their
eyes if it makes you uncomfortable, but your eyes should in general be finding
the other person’s face.
Pay attention to the other person’s eyes. If they
are constantly looking away, it indicates distraction. If they are looking down
it is often shame or guilt. Take a deep breath and relax your muscles.
Tenseness hinders conversation. In conversation, you’re not just looking for
information, you’re looking to connect. Your goal should be to draw
the other person out with good questions. Keep this in mind. You don’t just
want what’s in their head, but what’s on their heart as well. Try and work to figure
out where they are at emotionally. Here are a couple generic questions that you
can use as conversation starters. What are some childhood memories you hope you
never forget? What are some of the things that make you laugh?
Master the art of rest-Your muscles can’t grow without rest. Your
brain can’t learn without rest. Your body can’t heal without rest. Your mind
can’t make unexpected connections without rest. Notice a pattern here? Rest is
as vital to work as work is. Rest enables work, and work gives meaning to rest.
All work with no rest leads to burnout and serious limitations on your
productivity and creativity. All rest and no work makes you soft, bored, and
ironically, “restless.” It’s critical that the time you devote to rest is not
sucked up by mindless activities like scrolling through a news feed on social
media. You need to make sure you give your mind time to wander. Here are some
ideas. Go for a walk. Sit and think. Pull out a journal and start writing your
thoughts down. Learn how to rest. Your work will thank you.
Question your self-imposed
deadlines-Deadlines for life often cause more
distress than success. These deadlines are driven by uncertainty and anxiety
rather than curiosity or chasing a dream.
Consider that a deadline to reach a milestone or make a big decision
should make your life better. It should make you feel motivated not trapped. It
should help keep you focused, and make you scared. This applies at any
age. If deadlines make you want to crawl
in a hole, consider keeping the goal but trashing the deadline. Unload
oppressive deadlines from the goal, and feel yourself able to breathe again. No
matter where you are in this journey of adulting. Remember that you may not
know where you’re going, but you’re on the right path.
Question your
self-imposed deadlines, practice conscientiousness, clarify your values, and
know it’s perfectly alright to feel bad or uncertain. Being an adult can be
difficult at times. It’s the bills, the responsibilities, the assumed age
maturity (that you don’t necessarily have), and the expectations. There are times
when adulting is amazing like being in your own home with your own things and
having whatever foods you want in the refrigerator. Good, bad or frustrating,
growing up is unavoidable. We all change with the seasons and move forward
(even if only chronologically). We all have our own tools to help us navigate
these changes, but there are a few things that every adult should be doing.
The more of the
details of our daily life we can hand over to the effortless custody of
automatism, the more our higher powers of mind will be set free for their own
proper work. There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is
habitual but indecision, and for whom the lighting of every cigar, the drinking
of every cup, the time of rising and going to bed every day, and the beginning
of every bit of work, are subjects of express volitional deliberation. Getting
up earlier can be a habit that allows other healthy practices to fall into
place. What your life is like in the future is going to be influenced by what
you are doing today. Building positive habits will bring you positive results.
Set up yourself a suitable path, maintain a steady pace, and fasten up for the
long journey.
“Daily affirmation: drink some coffee, and just pretend you know what you’re doing.”
(The Spruce)[i]
[i] Sources used:
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