We are inherently social creatures, and
profoundly shaped by our relationships. We naturally seek deeper associations
with people as a way of identifying and better understanding others and
ourselves. Our ability to empathize, relate to one another and communicate our
thoughts and ideas is what sets us apart and makes us uniquely human. However,
in a busy world full of distractions it can be hard to build friendships,
especially when we have limited time. If
the average person has a network of over 300 people, what would it mean for you
to become a better connector?
Why are some people unforgettable? For some reason, you can’t lock in their name
for the next chance encounter. The main reason for this (and we all experience
it to varying degrees) is the difference between communicating with a person
and connecting with them. When we merely communicate with a person, they dwell
only in our short-term memory, soon to be lost forever. When we truly connect
with a person we gain access to each other’s long-term memory
It
all starts with connection. Connection helps us to be better. It enables us to
make more of an impact in people’s lives and greatly enriches our own lives. If
we can connect with others, we can encourage them, and communicate more
effectively. Connecting with others and building a tribe of encouraging,
supportive, passionate people is incredibly essential to an remarkable life. Making
connections with people who are very different from us is sometimes
challenging. Yet it’s important to be able to connect with people who have
different strengths than we do. Here are eight ways to connect with anyone you
meet.
·
Ask
questions In every
conversation, focus on getting to know the other person. People love to talk
about themselves. Have you ever met someone and thought, “Wow, that person is
awesome” and realized you hardly learned anything about him or her? Chances
are, it’s because that person was focused on getting to know you. You were
likely asked a lot of questions and spend a good amount of time happily talking
about yourself. Be the person in the conversation who asks the questions. Allow
others to open up to you and share about themselves.
·
Care
about others Nothing
else really matters if you don’t act like you care about those around you.
Add value to their lives. Go out of your way to help them. Be encouraging,
positive, uplifting, and supportive. Say thank
you for small things and big things. Whether you send a text, call
them, write a note, or give a gift, frequently thank others for helping you and
for who they are in general. People love feeling appreciated and cared about.
·
Connect
in person In today’s
world, you can definitely start connecting with others online, but nothing
beats getting together in person. Get out from behind your desk and
spend time with people at your favorite inspiring places. Connecting with
people can greatly change your life and the lives of others.
·
Don’t
pretend you know everything When talking with others, we often want to show
that we are educated and knowledgeable. It can be hard for some people to admit
they are learning something new for the first time. Leaders have a hard time
taking advice because they feel they should know everything, and that employees
try hard to prove themselves and not expose any of their personal weaknesses.
This combination can cause
communication breakdown because neither side acknowledges what the other side
tells them. When this connection is dysfunctional, growth and progress are
limited. Be aware of your ego and work on preventing it from controlling
how you behave. Be willing to learn from others and take advice.
·
Pay attention when someone is talking
to you, listen completely. When you don’t listen, it makes the other person
feel like you don’t care. Keep your eyes on the person you are communicating
with. If you’re not sure about your listening skills, ask friends and family if
they feel like you listen when you have conversations with them.
When you’re listening, make eye contact. When
you look away frequently, check your phone, or scan the room when someone’s
talking to you, it appears that you’re not listening and you destroy the
conversation.
·
Remember
their name We’ve all met
people who say “I’m so bad with names.” That’s not a good way to start forming
a connection. Do your best to remember the names of the people you meet. Repeat
their name several times, associate it with something memorable or funny (in
your head), introduce them to others so you need to state their name out loud —
whatever you need to do to remember their name, do it. Remembering who you’re
talking to is a key to making them feel important and connect with them.
· See a
room full of friends When you enter a room, picture everyone there as friends to meet instead
of strangers. This will decrease the intimidation factor. If you’re showing up
at the same event or know some of the same people, you probably have something
in common with them. Greet them as if they are friends.
·
Seek
feedback To improve your
ability to instantly connect with others, seek feedback on your communication
skills. One great way to do this is to join a speaking group such as
Toastmasters. Toastmasters groups give you opportunities to speak and get
helpful feedback from group members regarding your message delivery, body
language, and pace. By learning how to be a more effective speaker, you will be
on your way to connecting with others.
“It is necessary, and even vital,
to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.” (Mandy
Hale)[i]
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