The Opposite

“It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence. It is not the triumph of heart over head. It is the unique intersection of both.”  (David Caruso)

 Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of the people around you. People with a high degree of EI know what they're feeling, what their emotions mean, and how these emotions can affect other people. For leaders, having EI is essential for success. After all, who is more likely to succeed – a leader who shouts at his team when he's under stress, or a leader who stays in control, and calmly assesses the situation?

 According to Author Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, who helped to popularize EI. There are five key elements to EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Emotional intelligence fuels your performance both in the workplace and in your personal life, but it starts with you. From your confidence, empathy and optimism to your social skills and self-control, understanding and managing your own emotions can accelerate success in all areas of your life. Here is some additional information about EI that you may find helpful:

 

·        People with EI handle tough situations better-Take a displeased person, for example. A high level of EI in a colleague will be present by staying calm and positive during tough conversations. It shows up with firmness and boundaries to set limits on people during spiraling disagreements and unhealthy conflict.

·        People with EI look at the whole picture-They operate with a high degree of self-awareness. They’re able to see both sides of an issue and tap into their feelings and those of others to choose a different, and better, outcome.

·        People with EI practice self-control-Reasonable people–the ones who maintain control over their emotions–are the people who can sustain safe, fair environments. In these settings, drama is very low and productivity is very high. Top performers flock to these organizations and are not apt to leave them. Self-control is a learned skill to help you be more present, calmer, and focused during times of high stress. It’s a necessary emotional skill with long-term payoff.

·        People with EI respond rather than react-So often we react and get defensive when faced with an emotionally charged situation. Once people get a handle on the root cause of a negative emotion, they typically respond with a more calm approach. They’ll process a situation about to go bad get perspective, listen with without judgment, and hold back from reacting head on.

·        People with EI show up with their real selves-A common tendency for people is to put on a mask that hides who they truly are when faced with difficult situations. An emotionally-intelligent person shows up with integrity and their best and most authentic self. They’ll face those difficult situations with tolerant, emotional honesty and transparency.

·        People with EI think before they speak-There’s a nifty conversational technique called the “six second pause,” used by people with EI to gather their thoughts before they speak. Why six seconds? The chemicals of emotion inside our brains and bodies usually last about six seconds. During a heated exchange, if we can pause for a short moment, the flood of chemicals being produced slows down. When you are frustrated or upset, before you say something harsh, this precious pause helps you to quickly assess the costs and benefits of your actions and make more careful choices.

“Emotional intelligence, more than any other factor, more than I.Q. or expertise, accounts for 85% to 90% of success at work... I.Q. is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn't make you a star. Emotional intelligence can.” (Warren Bennis)[i]

 

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[i] Sources used:

·        “50 tips for improving your emotional intelligence” by Roche Martin

·        “6 brilliant things people with emotional intelligence do under pressure” by Marcel Schwantes

·        “Emotional Intelligence in Leadership” by MindTools

This topic was suggested by my wife, Bobbi.