My Precious Daughter,
You know I love and cherish you. While you were still in your mom’s womb, I sung lullabies to you so you would know my voice. I can still feel your trusting body on my shoulder when, as an infant, you abandoned yourself in my arms in a peaceful slumber. Your little hands are still holding tightly to my pinkies as you were taking your first steps. You are, in my mind, the toddler running to the door joyfully crying “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy” when I came home after a long journey. You are that young teen girl who came home from school sometimes happy, sometimes worried or sad, and put her head on my shoulder for comfort.
For a father’s heart, there is a
time in life that is a small death and I have been preparing for it ever since
you left for college miles away from home. It is the time when, one happy day,
another man will become number one in your life. It is good and it is hard.
Surely every father, no matter how distant, hopes deep inside that this
transition will be the happiest, fullest, and most fruitful for his daughter.
We can’t control the future, nor do
I wish to control your future. You are you. So what I am about to say is not to
direct your life, but comes from the bottom of my heart, and years of “growing
up” alongside your mother. I would like to tell you about two ways that you can
find a good man and be prepared to get along with him for the rest of your
life.
Before my marriage to your mother, I
didn’t know myself very well; neither do I think that she knew herself
well. It is thanks to a strong will to make things work no matter what that we
stayed together. We had to do the hard work that we should have done earlier in
life, even before we started dating. By that I mean the work
of discovering what’s inside us that makes us think what we think, feel
what we feel, and do what we do. We did lots of fighting and hurting before we
started figuring some of that out.
Every young woman has wounds and
scars that, if unattended, could get in the way of a healthy relationship to
themselves and to others. In part because of what parents like me didn’t do as
well as they should have. You too have scars, also because of the way our
culture is talking to you, with tremendous pressure, about who you are and what
you should do.
To find the right man, you will have
to have good judgment, which comes from a healthy knowledge of and confidence
in which you are. To be able to give to him or receive from him, you will need
to know how to give to yourself. To forgive him, you will need to know how to
forgive yourself.
Having a mentor, good readings with
time for reflection and journaling, and spiritual activities can help you. But
if you feel stuck, therapy can also help you learn and practice essential
tools to live a happier life. Good therapy teaches people to gain confidence,
listen better, to communicate with honesty, and to know how to manage
boundaries. It’s not just for people with a mental illness.
If you only knew how proud I am of
you. You have already given me joys way beyond my deserving. To see you go off
in the world and learn, work, play, make friends, fills me so much confidence
in your abilities to be a woman who will have a meaningful life. I know that’s
what you’re also looking for. We will always be there to encourage you. I have
so much love and gratitude for you,
Dad
“They say that from the instant
he lays eyes on her, a father adores his daughter. Whoever she grows up to be,
she is always to him that little girl in pigtails. She makes him feel like
Christmas. In exchange, he makes a secret promise not to see the awkwardness of
her teenage years, the mistakes she makes or the secrets she keeps.”
(Anonymous)[i]
Happy President's Day 2019 from Robert
 |
| My lovely daughter, Allena |
[i] Adapted from: “A letter
from a father to his daughter” by Gerard Migeon
This post is dedicated to my daughter, Allena.
Though I didn’t write this, many of the sentiments expressed are mine.
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