Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Silence

“Distance doesn’t separate people. Silence does.” (Lessons Learned Life)

When a couple needs to consider the end of a marriage, the truth is that there are a variety of ways that can be accomplished. If you and your spouse find yourself at that crossroads in your life, it’s important to get familiar with the terms discussed below so the correct, least painful choice can happen for both of you:

1.   A divorce definitively concludes a marriage. In a divorce proceeding, one party petitions the court to dissolve the marriage contract and assign property, support, custody and visitation orders that are permanent. Once the final divorce decree is signed by a family court judge, you are no longer married though you may still have some relationship with and obligations to your former spouse. Divorce decrees have the force of a court order, and parties may be found in contempt of court if they do not abide by the terms of the agreement.  

States vary in their requirements for granting a divorce, but most allow so-called "no-fault" divorces. In these proceedings, it's enough for one party to assert that the marriage is no longer acceptable due to irreconcilable differences.  Depending on the state, you may have to pass through a trial separation before the final decree is granted, or you may have to wait for a cooling-off period of six months or so.

Depending on your circumstances, the court may order you to transfer property to your spouse, split the family's debts, pay a fixed amount of alimony and/or child support, or to abide by a custody order that determines where the children live and who will make the decisions regarding their care. In addition to all of that, the court may impose secondary orders that are just as binding, such as a requirement that neither party speak ill of the other within earshot of the children or a protective order in the case of domestic violence accusations.

2.   A legal separation is often done prior to a divorce especially if one wants a divorce while the other one doesn’t. It can also be used when someone feels strongly against divorce for whatever reason (mainly religious ones). Separated couples are still married, and they may carry on living in the same house together, but a separation order may settle a few contentious issues before the divorce proceedings.
 
     It may speed up the process when the time comes to split for good. One often-overlooked advantage of a legal separation is that by acting as a sort of mini-divorce it may give the couple a chance to reconcile and call the whole thing off without going all the way through the divorce process.

Though a separated couple is not properly divorced, the agreement formalizing the arrangement may include support orders so that one party has to pay child support or even send a monthly alimony check to the person they're still married to. Like the divorce decree, the separation orders may include extra clauses such as an injunction not to take on any more shared debt or to allow for dating other people without treating such relationships as adultery.

In community property and no-fault divorce states, these terms may not be very important, but it's a good idea to get a formal arrangement of some sort during a separation, even if the two of you are still working on reconciliation. As you're negotiating terms for your separation, remember that the court will not necessarily be bound by prior agreements if it comes to divorce. If you and your spouse agree that no alimony should be paid during the separation, it may still come up as an issue in a divorce.

 For the custody and visitation arrangements you've reached, though most courts are loath to interfere with any reasonable terms two parents have agreed on in advance. A legal separation is also taken through the court system even if both parties decide to stay married. The two will live separately and divide up their assets as well as come up with a solution for the children even if they don’t want to get divorced.

3.   Annulments are common with those who have recently gotten married, though they can be used if the marriage was not legal (because one person was still married). There are some religions which allow annulments, though they won’t allow divorces. Annulments are a special kind of dissolution in which the marriage contract is not dissolved, but voided as if it had never existed.
 
     This is an unusual way to end a marriage, but it may be the best option in many cases. Requirements vary between states, but annulments almost always require one party to prove that the marriage would not have happened if the relevant facts had been known at the time.

One example of this is fraud. If your spouse can be shown to have materially misrepresented him or herself in some way, then an annulment may be possible. A fraudulent effort to earn residency or citizenship may also be grounds for annulment in which case the person who did it may have to find another way to legally remain in the country.

Your marriage may also be annulled if you can make the case that you personally, would not have agreed to the marriage if you had been in possession of certain information. If your spouse was not honest about his or her inability to have sex, for example, or to bear children, and this was important to you, then an annulment may be possible.

Other grounds for annulment include marriage to a person who was a minor at the time or to a person who misrepresented their health status or other important details. For many, an annulment is a preferred way to dissolve a marriage. By annulling a marriage, the court says that the marriage never occurred in the first place.

. “Divorce is so common and accepted in America that beating myself up over it may sound ridiculous. But I was raised to believe that divorce wasn’t an option; to me, divorce equaled failure. I wasn’t able to change that equation until I found myself in the right relationship.” (Trisha Yearwood)[i]



[i] Sources used:
·        “Difference Between a Separation, an Annulment, and a Simple Divorce?” by Lisa Ward
·        “The Difference Between a Legal Separation, Divorce, Annulment, and Dissolution of a Marriage” by Dungan and LeFevere
 

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