Blame is a reaction not an emotion. Blame is a trap that can get us stuck in both a time and place. It breeds negativity towards others and the world around us. Instead of living in the problem; live in the solution. Don’t focus on the negative but look for the positive and where you can contribute. Blame can easily become one of the greatest obstacles to a happy existence.
You learn as children that becoming an adult entails maturity, responsibility, and problem solving. You assume that when you finally reach adulthood, you will naturally encompass all of these traits. Yet, the ability to remain accountable in life proves elusive to many adults.
Some things will be the fault of others. This message is not to say that you must take on every burden yourself, and accept it when others do wrong by you. The idea is to get away from the idea of blame all together. Is it important whose fault something is, or is it more important what comes next?
There are two types of people in
this world: those that blame others for how they feel, and those that take
accountability for their situation and focus on problem solving. What group are
you in? Here are five signs that you blame other people for your problems.
1.
You complain
about the same problem Life is full of challenges, but when they are met with a
healthy mindset and action. The nature of these problems improves until they
are solved. When you complain over and over again, you get stuck in the details
of your story.
You slant your
perspective with exaggerated details of how you are innocent, and why someone
or something else is to blame. You lose sight as you start to believe you
have no control. The truth is, you always have a choice. Even if it’s choosing a
positive thought.
2.
Resentment is
your default mode This emotion
signals lingering issues that are not being addressed. Resentment is a strong bitterness
you feel when someone does something wrong to you, or you feel you have been
treated unfairly. It is a natural emotion to an injustice. When you
consistently feel this, it’s a sign you are in “victim” mode. Every emotion,
including resentment, provides a message.
It’s up to you to change either your perception of the
problem or your actions toward it. If resentment is your default emotion, then
you have cast the focus onto others and their actions instead of spotlighting
yourself and your ability to change the situation.
3.
You are in a
codependent relationship A codependent relationship is a type of dysfunctional
relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction. A person will
refuse to look at their own problems because they are too wrapped up in what
the other is doing.
These are very destructive relationships that keep both
people stuck. When one person begins to focus on healing their own issues, it
causes the other person to feel threatened and they will not support the
growth.
You can change the dynamic of any relationship you are in if
you know it is in a negative place. Though the other person may lash out
against your efforts, you can remain clear on what are your issues versus
theirs. This may inspire them to make similar changes for themselves.
4.
You notice
recurring themes in your life When
you get into the same type of mistakes over again, it’s a sign that you
are not taking ownership of your issues. Within these patterns, the faces may
be different, the details not quite the same, but there is always a common
denominator: you. Recurring themes in our lives serve as a message that you are
missing something, or that you are choosing to ignore it.
Whatever the case may be, you can use these patterns as
information that can help you break out of limiting beliefs and underlying
motivations that keep you trapped.
5.
You say “you
made me feel this way” You choose to feel a particular way
based on how you’re interpreting the situation and the meaning you associate to
it. If you don’t want to get upset or angry, you must become accountable for
your own feelings and learn how to choose your reactions instead of allowing
others to choose you.
It’s natural to be affected by other people. It’s also
healthy to consider their feedback and opinions — as long as it doesn’t dictate
your thoughts and feelings. You always have a choice. When you realize this,
you understand that other people can’t make you feel any way even if they try their hardest.
“Too often in life,
something happens and you blame other people for us not being happy or
satisfied or fulfilled. So the point is, you all have choices, and you make the
choice to accept people or situations or to not accept situations. “(Tom
Brady)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“5 Signs You Blame Other People for Your Problems”
by Nicole
Taffs Hollingshead
·
“Stop
Blaming Others – Solve Your Problems!” by Inspire Conversation
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