Adolescence

“Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.” (Karen Savage)

Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS) is a feeling of loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time. It is not a clinical condition. Young adults moving out from their families' house is a normal event, ENS often goes unrecognized. This can result in depression for parents since the departure of their children from "the nest" leads to adjustments in parents' lives.

All parents are susceptible to ENS (but full-time mothers are more likely to get ENS). Factors can include an unstable marriage, a sense of self based primarily on identity as a parent, or difficulty accepting change. Full-time parents (stay-at-home mothers or fathers) may be vulnerable to ENS. Adults who are dealing with stressful life events (such as the death of a spouse), moving away, or retirement are more likely to experience ENS.

Symptoms of empty nest syndrome can include depression, a sense of loss of purpose, feelings of rejection, or worry, stress, and anxiety over the child's welfare. Parents who experience empty nest syndrome often question whether or not they have prepared adequately for their child to live independently.

One of the easiest ways for parents to cope with ENS is to keep in contact with their children. Technological developments that can be used like text messaging, Face Time, and the Internet allow for increased communication between parents and children.

For some parents, ENS is an exciting time when (after years of prioritizing their children) they are now free to think of themselves first. For others, the empty nest is an impossible notion that they dread coming to terms with as their children leave home. Here are five things empty nesters might say to (or do for) parents of young children

·        AdChoices

·        Can I help? Do something unexpected for a new parent like offering to pay for groceries, push a grocery cart their car, or make faces at a screaming baby while the parent is at the check-out line. This will keep the baby quiet or laughing.  Even if the parent says no, an offer of help can go a long way.

 

·        It gets easier. Let that new parent know that the sleep deprivation will soon come to an end. You can say something simple like, “I know how hard it is. I’ve been there. Just keep doing what you’re doing. I promise it gets easier.” Give them a bit of happiness and hope before you leave them.

 

·        Say nothing While it seems like not much help to say nothing sometimes that is best. There are times when life can get complicated quickly. A kind smile, a nod, a sympathetic eye gaze can go a long way to healing heart of a new parent in a terrible moment.

 

·        Share solidarity Short stories about parenting and flawed children that get in trouble regularly could be refreshing to new parents.  Don’t go into a 20 minute monologue. Nobody has time for that. Instead, share a funny piece about you. That parent will feel better about whatever she they might be going through.

 

·        You’re doing an awesome job Every parent is getting something right. Trust that the new parent who looks like their child is lacking in discipline is probably doing a hundred things right at home that you can’t see. Instead of advice, simply tell them their doing a great job.

“A wise parent humors the desire for independent action, so as to become the friend and advisor when his absolute rule shall cease.”  (Elizabeth Gaskell)[i]

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[i] Sources used:

·     “5 Things Empty Nesters Should Say to Parents of Little Kids” by PerfectionPending.net

·     “6 Wonderful Things About the Empty Nest” by Sharon Greenthal

·     “Empty nest syndrome” from Wikipedia

·     “How to Recover From Empty Nest Syndrome,” “How to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome,” “How to Celebrate Being an Empty Nester” by WikiHow

This post is inspired by the ENS phase in our lives
(with Allena gone to college).