Verbal abuse is a way of attacking or negatively defining another person using words or silence as a weapon. It can take a variety of forms ranging from loud rants to passive-aggressive remarks.
From the scriptures, Ephesians 4:31 (ERV) says this about verbal abuse: “Never be bitter, angry, or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others. Never do anything evil. “James 1:19 (VOICE) gives this warning: “Listen, open your ears, harness your desire to speak, and don’t get worked up into a rage so easily, my brothers and sisters.”
Verbal abuse is part of many relationships with 98% of victims being female. You’ve been hurt so many times, and your self-esteem has suffered. Verbal abuse can seem normal through rationalizing that change will happen tomorrow, but it never does. You will find that even a dog will avoid dealing with (or escaping) and hiding from one human verbally abusing their victim. Verbal abuse can show some of the following signs:
·
Blame and accusations
·
Shame and judging
·
Sarcasm and twisting what is said
·
Rewriting history
·
Playing the victim
·
Manipulation, control, and coercion
·
Unpredictable explosions
·
Criticism that is harsh and
undeserved
·
Swearing
·
Intimidation
·
Escalating situations
The
best way to respond to a verbal abuse is to attempt to reason with him or her.
When a person negatively defines you, your natural reaction is to attempt
to convince the abuser why they are mistaken. In doing so, you're expecting the
abuser to listen to reason. The fact is that you cannot justify verbal abuse.
The
only effective way to put an end to verbal abuse is to call that
person out each time their venomous words strike. If someone blames you
for something you have no control over, you need to ignore the actual content
of what's been said, identify the type of abuse employed, name it, and calmly
ask the abuser to stop it.
There
will inevitably be situations in which calling out the abuser will be
unsuccessful. If this calm approach does not work, the only meaningful response
to verbal abuse is to physically remove your presence from the situation. By refusing to engage with the verbal abuse and
refraining from trying to reason with them, you are showing that he or she is
not acting rationally.
You
are not going to put up with the behavior. Some abusers will learn to change their
behavior through repeated exposure to this approach; others will not. If
you are repeatedly exposed to verbal abuse from a partner, friend, colleague,
or family member, it may be necessary to temporarily or permanently
end the relationship.
“It is easier to
build up a child than to repair an adult…Choose your words wisely.” (Anonymous)[i]
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