Infidelity
is painful to all parties involved. Nothing feels worse than being betrayed by
someone close to you. There are many types of infidelity, ranging from
all-out sexual relationships to simple fantasizing. People engage in
extramarital affairs for many reasons, but lack of sexual
and emotional satisfaction are among the top two. Below are the disturbing 2017
statistics for affairs:
·
10% of affairs begin online.
·
14% of women admit they might have an affair to get back at
a spouse.
·
14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other.
·
17% of men and women admit to having an affair with a
sister-in-law or brother-in-law.
·
22% of men say that they've cheated on their
significant other.
·
35% of men and women admit to cheating while on a business
trip.
·
36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a
coworker.
·
40% of the time online affairs turn into real life affairs.
·
9% of men admit they might have an affair to get back at a
spouse.
·
Affairs are most likely to occur two years into a marriage.
·
Almost all
adults (90%) disapprove of marital infidelity, but as many as one-quarter engage in extramarital
affairs
·
In over 1/3 of marriages, one or both partners admit
to cheating.
·
People who have cheated before are 350% more likely to cheat
again.
Cheating on your spouse doesn’t just
happen by random magic. Almost all infidelity is preceded by decisions
demonstrating poor boundaries around the marriage, and the relationship between
the spouses. These boundaries are critically important in protecting a marriage
from destructive external influences: including infidelity. Here
are some careful choices to make in avoiding an extra-marital affair in your marriage:
1. Be honest with the
Lord about any temptations you may be having. Pray over these
things, and give them to the Lord. God already knows what you are struggling
with so talk over these temptations and issues with Him.
2. Date your spouse Enjoy as much time as
you can with your spouse. Maybe you are being tempted because you aren’t
spending enough quality time together.
3.
Don’t
flirt with someone of the opposite gender (even just a little) Intentionally treat
other men or women with respect. Even casual flirting can lead to trouble. Try
to be professional, business-like, and kindly distant with any man or woman who
is not your spouse.
Too many affairs
happen between good friends and great family friends. Affairs can even happen
in within families. Lines get blurred. People get too comfortable. Big mistakes
happen. Be careful with how you act and react to anyone of the opposite
gender.
4. Don’t have long talks
over the phone or online with anyone of the opposite gender (who is not a blood
relative) One
of the main reasons for divorce today is people hooking up through social media
or with someone who they meet on the Internet. Watch out online. Be careful with counseling and one-on-one
prayer situations.
It is best for men to
meet with men and women to meet with women if possible. Pastors and ministerial
staff need to be especially cautious when counseling with church members
one-on-one. Keep the doors open. Invite a third person into the session. Take
every precaution to protect your marriage especially
if you are in the ministry.
5.
Don’t
socialize anywhere with a person of the opposite gender (unless they are a
blood relative) There
is no reason you need to be alone with a person (who is not your
spouse) of the opposite sex for a meal (or anything else). If it’s a work
thing, try to involve an additional friend. Somehow, adding one person can
offer protection for our marriages.
If it is possible,
invite a third person to ride in the car with you. Even a young child can
provide some protection and accountability. If you find yourself in a tough
spot at work, try to discuss the situation with your boss or co-worker in a
gracious and honest manner. Speak the truth in love, but speak the truth as
needed. Your goal is a happy marriage.
6.
Fall
in love with Jesus all over again Spend time with Him.
Open your Bible and pray more. Turn on Christian music. Read more inspirational
books. Allow
God to fill your empty places. The truth
is anyone on any day or at any time can make a mistake. None of us are exempt from temptation.
Don’t play around with the fire of sin. (You will get burned.)
When you are tempted don’t ever say, “God is tempting
me,” for God is incapable of being tempted by evil and he is never the source
of temptation. Instead it is each person’s own desires and thoughts that drag
them into evil and lure them away into darkness. Evil desires
give birth to evil actions. And when sin is fully mature it can murder you! So
my friends don’t be fooled by your own desires. (James
1:13-16, TPT)
7.
If
you are tempted to have an affair, talk to a trusted friend of the same gender Ask this trusted
friend to pray for you. Give them the freedom to hold you accountable.
There is something about admitting you are tempted that could protect you
,and prevent you from blowing it.
8. Initiate regular
intimacies with your spouse If you need love and affection, seek out your
own spouse. They will likely love this attention from you. It’s possible that
you are being tempted because you are not enjoying the relationship
God has given you.
9.
Women,
don’t read a lot of fictional romance novels or watch many fictional love
movies By reading and
watching too much romantic fiction, you will start to believe you would be
better off with someone else. You will begin to become discontent with the
marriage relationship that you do have. You’ll start to desire what you do not
have.
Often, romantic movies and books can become
for women what pornography can become for many men. Women will imagine and
dream of some perfect relationship that they do not have. Be careful with
these. Read and watch them in limited amounts.
“I don't like to discuss my
marriage, but I will tell you something which may sound corny but which happens
to be true. I have steak at home. Why should I go out for hamburger?” (Paul Newman)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“5 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Long-Term Relationship” by Susan Krauss
Whitbourne
·
“22 Ways to Avoid Cheating On Your Spouse” by Marriage Advocates
“10 Ways to Completely Avoid An Affair”
·
“Infidelity Statistics 2017: Why,
When, and How People Stray” by trustifyinfo
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