A lot of Christian advice about porn addicts is unhelpful. This means, it doesn’t contribute to real change. It fails to address the issues that underlie porn use. Christian advice either is impractical biblical information, or is a list of superficial how-to’s that get forgotten in the light of reality. How is Jesus’ words relevant to failing and trying multiple times?
We too often allow unattainable ideals to dictate what we allow ourselves to view and say with others and the person we see in the mirror every morning. Are we allowed to talk about what Christ can do (and what we can do) right after pornographic indulgence? Does our Heavenly Father meet us in the midst of our failure?
It is often in the moment after the closed door, the darkness, the screen-light, the hidden act (after pornography indulgence) that Satan does several things. He spins his web of lies: provides horrific patterns of thinking; and begins bargaining with a disapproving and distant Heavenly Father. It all twists us in self-hatred for ourselves.
It is in the moment after pornography indulgence that Satan does his finest work. It is in this moment that we need God to do his finest saving. Here are some specific ways to avoid the toxic side effects of pornography as you seek for unlimited grace of your Heavenly Father.
1.
Always hungry: Because this is an addictive
substance, it creates an appetite for itself. This appetite increases over time
as you spend more and more time viewing pornography. The time spent viewing
pornography can jeopardize work, relationships, and interest in healthy
pastimes.
2.
Blunt truth: In the long run, pornography
will not shore up a shaky ego, will not fill the emptiness left from childhood
wounds or abandonment, will not save a shaky relationship or failing marriage
and is not satisfying. In fact, it will magnify each emotional wound from the
past and cripple your ability to meet your essential emotional needs, damage
your ability to have a healthy relationship and leave you unable to sexually or
emotionally respond to your partner.
3.
Creates emotional bond with an artificial
world: All people have a critical need for human
intimacy and emotional connection with others. When someone views pornography,
they end up creating an intimate bond with an artificial world and can actually
lose the ability to bond with real people.
4.
Escalation: Over time, the pornography we
first started viewing becomes mundane. We escalate to view things which we once
would have considered as going too far or totally wrong. We feel increasing
desire to do things which will damage our reputation and relationships.
5.
Great deception: Initially, you were attracted
to pornography because of the positive things it did for you. ("I love the
rush I feel," "This is my favorite pastime," "I feel
lonely," "This is my reward to myself for making it through a rough
day...") Eventually, it will do just the opposite. ("I no longer feel
an emotional response to anything," "There is nothing in my life I
enjoy doing," "I feel totally isolated from the world," "My
anxiety and stress levels are at an all-time high...").
6.
Imitation of the real thing: With pornography, we use sex as
a substitute for nurture, intimacy, and love. Sex is no longer a wonderful
source of connection between our deepest selves and a beloved partner; it
becomes a commodity used to avoid intimacy and mask needs that should be met
through human connections.
7.
Sex without intimacy: Pornography is about sex being
used for the wrong reasons. Because it is sex without emotional closeness, the
underlying hunger remains unsatisfied. The viewer starts wondering what is
wrong with their relationships and gets irritated or depressed. They end up
feeling emotionally empty and disconnected from those around them.
8.
Triggers addiction cycle in brain: Studies show that actual brain
function changes in someone who has an addiction, and the changes are the same
in all addiction: alcohol, drugs, or pornography. Because pornography use can
become an actual addiction, viewers are not able to stop through their own will
power. Pornography addicts will need to engage in the same difficult recovery
process a drug addict has to go through.
9.
Unfulfilling: Using pornography to feel
pleasure and escape feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, boredom and
frustration creates a gateway for addiction. When the rush of pleasure
disappears, the feelings a user is trying to escape from reappear stronger than
ever, and they are compelled to repeat the cycle. Over time, their brain
chemistry is altered and a full-fledged addiction occurs.
10.
Unsatisfying: While pornography use may
result in a short term high, it eventually results in feelings of emptiness,
low self-esteem and deep loneliness. It ultimately creates emotional distance
in relationships. Because the world of pornography is artificial and cannot
satisfy the need for emotional intimacy, this basic need remains unmet,
creating an appetite for more and more.
“Porn
is a lie. Pornography is full of ideas and beliefs that are completely opposite
of what real relationships are like. Instead of love and affection, pornography
is all about domination, disrespect, abuse, and selfishness.” (Anonymous)
[i]
[i] Sources used:
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