Dear Moms and Dads,
I
remember being in kindergarten and not understanding why almost every other kid
I knew had a sibling. Even my parents had a brother or sister, so why was I
different? I used to constantly question my mother on why she chose to stop
having children after me. She’d express her regret. Only because she thought I
would never grow out of my longing for a younger sibling.
As
I’ve matured, I realize that being an only child has its good and bad points. It’s something that I’ve grown to love. I want all parents of only children to
not feel guilty for having just one child. They may not appreciate it
while they’re young, but trust me: they’ll love you for it later.
Here’s why.
“Don’t you get
bored?” “What do you do all day?” Don’t you wish you had siblings?”
Your
child will be asked these questions, which will definitely become annoying and
constantly put them on the defensive. These questions will force your
kid to contemplate reasons why being an only child isn’t always a bad
thing. The more your child is asked these questions. The more answers
they’ll have for why being an only child is better than others may think.
As their age progresses, so will the answers.
For
example, when I was five, I would tell people that being an only child wasn’t
so bad because I never had to worry about sharing my toys. When I was twelve,
my favorite part of being an only child was that I didn’t have any family
competition when it came to sports. My parents never had to miss a single one
of my tennis matches due to conflicting schedules. Now, as a twenty-three year-old,
I express to people how the best part of being an only child is how it has
affected how close I am to my parents. While still being
asked these questions in my twenties, I’m delighted as ever to explain to
people why I love my life (even if I don’t have any brothers or sisters).
Your
child may not have a constant playmate that lives in the same home, but this
doesn’t mean your child will not have playmates. I was lucky enough to have
parents whose friends in the neighborhood had children close to my age. I would
spend hours at their houses and grew close to them like family.
I
also had to learn early how to make friends on my own, without the help of my
parents. In preschool, I can still remember going out of my way to build
friendships. Taking the initiative to make friends is a valuable skill to have
in life, and I thank being an only child for pushing me to meet the close
friends who have become my family.
Just
like I’ve grown close to my friends as if they’re my family; I’ve grown
close to certain relatives as if they’re my siblings. I have countless aunts,
uncles, and cousins on both sides of my family and I cherish every single
moment I spend with them. I also have a close relationship with each of my
grandparents.
I
may not see these relatives every single day, but that’s what makes it even
better when we do all finally meet up on special occasions. Since the only two
relatives I am used to seeing regularly are my parents, there is always an
extra excitement when our little family of three reunites with our extended
family. Whether you have actual siblings or not, there really is no better
feeling than being surrounded by the family you love, including those with
paws.
Something
many people would consider a disadvantage of being an only child is how much
time they spend alone. However, this alone time will benefit your
kid in the long run. As much as I value the time I spend with my family
and friends, I value how much time I’ve had to myself. I’ve always had
uninterrupted time to study for school, read for pleasure, or just take time to
contemplate.
Being
self-sufficient becomes natural when you’re an only child, and your
kid will appreciate this at times when self-sufficiency is needed
most. Going away to college was not much of a
challenge for me. Since I did not have an older sibling that attended the
same high school as me, I had to teach myself which study habits worked
best for me; and which led me to succeeding throughout my college years. I
make friends quickly in a place where I know almost no one. I definitely do not
need to be alone all the time (and would never choose to be), but I appreciate
how this time to myself has shaped me into who I am today.
My
full contentment with being an only child would not be possible without my
relationship with my parents. In many ways, they are like siblings. We share
the same interests and hobbies. We argue and forgive each other quickly as
though nothing ever happened. We laugh about things that no one else could ever
understand.
The
child-like spirit of my parents is enhanced by the fact that they are even more
than siblings. They are the two who raised me to who I am today. The couple
that will always be there waiting at the door when I need to come home. They
are the mother and father whose love could not be replaced by anyone. They have
said to me for as long as I can remember, “You’re all we’ve got.” I
wouldn’t replace being an
only child for anything in the world.
Some
may say I’m still missing out in life. I say I’m living life the same just with
siblings who go by different titles. To all parents of only children, you’re
doing just fine. To my fellow only children, take ownership of your life
because there’s nothing better.
Sincerely,
Carmen L.
“Being
an only child and losing both my parents at an early age, I have found that the
friends I have made over the years are the people who help me get through life,
good times and bad.” (Fannie Flagg)[i]
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