Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be. Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you. Don’t feel ashamed about how you feel.
Grieving
is a highly individual experience. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How
you grieve depends on many factors, like your personality, coping style, your
life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.
Grief
happens to all of us, and time eventually makes emotional wounds less painful. The
pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, which could make it
difficult to sleep, eat, or think straight. What follows are facts and myths
about grief as well as additional insight if you should need it:
“Grief
is the price we pay for love.” (Queen Elizabeth II)
Myth 1: The pain will go away faster (if you ignore it).
Fact 1: Trying to keep it
from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. It is necessary to
face your grief, and actively deal with it.
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Myth 2: It’s important to
be strong in the face of loss.
Fact 2: Feeling sad,
frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you
are weak. You don’t need to protect your family or friends by putting on a
brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
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Myth 3: If you don’t cry,
it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact 3: Those who don’t
cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other
ways of showing it.
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Myth 4: Grief should last
about a year.
Fact 4: There is no right
or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person
to person.
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Myth 5: Moving on with
your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact 5: You can move on
with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an integral
part of you.
“Tears
are the silent language of grief.” (Voltaire)
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1.
Death
is part of life: We
should celebrate the funeral of a loved one just as we celebrate their
birthday. The human beings we loved want us to remember the many precious
moments we spent with them. Do you want your loved ones to continue to enjoy
life and treasure every moment they have left on Earth after your passing? Yes.
2.
Discovering help after a death: Rather
than avoiding people. Draw friends and loved ones close. Oftentimes, people
want to help but don’t know how. Tell them what you need—whether it’s a
shoulder to cry on, help with funeral arrangements, or just someone to hang out
with.
If you follow religious
beliefs, embrace the comfort such spiritual activities as prayer, meditating,
or attending church can provide. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake
of the loss, talk to your religious community.
3.
Distinguish between grief and depression: Distinguishing
between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy as
they share many symptoms, but there are ways to tell the difference. Remember,
grief can be a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix
of good and bad days.
Even when you’re in
the middle of the grieving process, you will still have moments of pleasure or
happiness. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and
despair are constant.
4.
Embrace
the grief: You will be living in a new world where the person you
loved will no longer be part of it physically, but that doesn’t mean they are
no longer here with you (in your memories).
You
will miss out on life by feeling depressed about this loss, and sadden the many
people that are in your life (out of concern for you). Know that (in time) it’s
okay to let go of that person in order to be happy once again. In order to heal, you
have to acknowledge the pain.
Trying to avoid feelings of sadness
only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to
complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health
problems. Letting go doesn’t mean you forget
about that person. It actually means you want to express your gratitude for
their presence.
5.
Fear
of death overshadows life: We
come into this world alone and we leave alone. Accepting the idea that nothing
lasts forever will help us deal with the death of those close to us. Death is
not the end. As humans, we’ve learned to trust in things that can be touched,
felt, smelled or seen.
There are things that are invisible, but that doesn’t mean
they don’t exist. There is a world that we all originate from, and a
world where we return the moment we leave our physical bodies. In the
first nine months of life when you are growing in your mother’s womb, you are
being offered all the nourishment, love, and care that are necessary to your
survival. Why wouldn’t the same thing apply after your departure?
6.
Let
your emotions be expressed and released: Don't stop yourself from having a
good cry if you feel one coming on. Don't worry if listening to particular
songs or doing certain things is painful because it brings back memories of the
person that you lost. It's natural to feel this way.
Some
people find it helpful to tell the story of their loss or talk about their
feelings. But sometimes a person doesn't feel like talking about a loss. No one
should feel pressured to talk. Even if you don't feel like talking, find ways
to express your emotions and thoughts.
7. Plan
ahead for grief “triggers”: Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can
reawaken memories. Be prepared for them, and know that your feelings are
normal. As time passes following a significant loss, it’s normal for your feelings
to become less intense. The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away
completely, but it shouldn’t remain center stage.
8. Recognize
the stages of grief:
ü Denial:
“This can’t be happening to me.”
ü Anger: “Why did this happen?“
ü Bargaining: “God, make this not happen, and in
return I will ____.”
ü Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
ü Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
9. Support from others will help you heal: The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and
retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is
vital to healing from loss.
Even if you
aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s
important to express them when you’re grieving. While sharing your loss can
make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn’t mean that every time you
interact with friends and family, you need to talk about your loss. Comfort can
also come from just being around others who care about you. The key is not to
isolate yourself.
10. Take care of yourself: The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your reserves. The mind
and body are connected. When you feel healthy physically, you’ll be better able
to cope emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating
right, and exercising.
Don’t use
alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief. There's comfort in routine that
connects you closer to others. It can help you come to terms with your loss. If
someone suspects you might have the condition known as complicated grief, get
help. This symptom deals with being stuck in an intense state of mourning.
A person with
this may have trouble accepting a loved one’s death long after it has occurred,
or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily life
and undermines your other relationships.[i]
“I think faith is
incredibly important because you will become overwhelmed with what's happening,
and you will have waves of grief…When you turn to your faith, I believe God
will give you waves of grace to get through it.” (Joel Osteen)
[i] Sources
used:
· “5 Ways to Cope When a Loved One Dies” Reviewed by: D'Arcy
Lyness, PhD
·
“7 Ways to Deal with the Death of a Loved
One” by Luminita D. Saviuc
· “Coping
with Greif and Loss” by Melinda A. Smith, Lawrence Robinson, and Jeanne Segal
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