Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on the quality of your relationships with others. We remember between twenty-five and fifty percent of what you hear. That means that when you talk to someone for ten minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation.
Active listening is a technique that improves mutual understanding, and gives the speaker feedback that the listener understands what’s being said. You can learn conversation techniques that clarify and deepen the dialogue. Time spent speaking to someone, and not actively listening to what is being said is time wasted.
Often we don’t listen attentively. We're distracted
with, and the intended message gets lost in the process. Have you ever been engaged in a conversation when you wondered if the
other person was listening to what you were saying? You wonder if it's
worthwhile to continue to speak. It feels like talking to a brick wall, and you
want to avoid.
Did
you know active listening requires much more focus than the usual listening we
do on a daily basis? It can be draining. Focusing your attention so closely on
someone for a long period of time will likely leave you depleted at the end of
your conversation. It is a skill that takes practice. The helps below can aid
you in effectively traveling through this rewarding journey.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen
with the intent to reply.” (Stephen Covey)
1.
Hearing: At the beginning stage, you are paying attention to make sure you hear
the words being said. Listen
with the goal of understanding. Fully focus on what the other person has to
say, and then think of a response during a pause in conversation.
Use empathy to
understand where the other person is coming from, and why they made the
decisions that they did. Remain open-minded by giving them space to talk without your
interjections.
“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of
listening when you'd have preferred to talk.” (Doug
Larson)
2. Interpretation: At this stage, you are making sure you are interpreting the words you
hear to ensure there is no misunderstanding of basic meanings.
Take note of
the speaker's body
language
because this will give you clues into the purpose behind what the speaker is
saying. We convey our true feelings through our body language and tone of voice
than through the words we use.
“The word 'listen' contains the same letters as
the word 'silent.'”
(Alfred Brende)
3. Evaluation: At this stage, you are actively deciding what you are going to do with
the information you are receiving. By
becoming a better listener, you will improve your productivity, and your ability to influence, persuade, and negotiate.
Our
personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear.
As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require
you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
“Any problem (big or small) within a family always seems
to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening.” (Emma Thompson)
4.
Respond: The final stage is to give a verbal (or visual) response to the
speaker to confirm that you have understood what they have been saying. Paraphrasing in
active listening can be simple restating in different words to let the person
know you are listening.
Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. By understanding your personal style of communicating, you
will go a long way towards creating good and lasting impressions with others.
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually
listening to what another has to say.” (Bryant H. McGill)
5. Don’t
talk-listen: We all like a
chance to get our own ideas over without being constantly interrupted. Good
listeners provide others with an opportunity to do this.
If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate
on what someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say them.
This will reinforce their message and help you stay focused.
“An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous
failings of mankind.”
(Walter Bagehot)
6. Don’t
jump to your own conclusions: Many people are always thinking a step ahead and forming their own
conclusions based on their own understanding and beliefs (of what they think the
person is going to say).
This is a major cause
of misunderstandings happening. Don’t jump to conclusions about the person.
Avoid stereotypes. Save your opinions for after you hear their story.
"Everything
in writing begins with language. Language begins with listening." (Jeanette Winterson)
7.
Give feedback by asking
questions: If you're not sure what the person means, ask them clarify their words.
Don't guess, and hope you've got their meaning correct. Ask questions that
encourage the speaker to provide a thoughtful response, and more than a yes or
no answer.
8.
If
it is your turn to speak in the conversation, but you don’t have a response,
you could say, “Give me a minute, please. I want to think about how to
respond.” Most people will appreciate your taking the time to develop a
thoughtful response.
"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait
to hear the answer." (Ed Cunningh)
9. Overlook
speech problems: Facial twitches, an unusual voice, or a heavy accent. When you notice
something different, it’s easy to pay attention to this, and not concentrate on
what is actually being said. If you don't listen, you never learn anything new.
Don't assume you know it all already.[i]
"We have two
ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less." (Diogenes, a Greek philosopher)
“I only wish I could find an institute that teaches people how to
listen. Business people need to listen at least as much as they need to talk.
Too many people fail to realize that real communication goes in both
directions.” (Lee
Iacocca)
[i] Sources
used:
·
“3 Ways to Actively Listen” (www.wikihow.com)
· “Active Listening Tips: 4 Steps to Active Listening” by Silicon Beach
Training
·
“Active Listening” (www.mindtools.com)
·
Wikipedia “Diogenes”
No comments:
Post a Comment