A Lantern in the Dark

  “Faith means living with uncertainty (feeling your way through life) letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.” (Dan Millman)

At times, life can be unclear with all the decisions that one needs to make. Life decisions can have many different paths to choose from.

This reminds me of the theme song (“Where You Lead”) to the original series, Gilmore Girls (2000-2007), which my family is currently enjoying reruns of. It’s uncertain who the song is talking about. Most people would assume it refers to a mother and daughter relationship (Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, pictured below) since this is the main emphasis of the series set in the fictional town of Stars Hollow, CT.

Coming from a religious background, I have to convince myself every time I hear the theme song that it’s not mimicking a the chorus of a cherished hymn.[i] Read the TV version (below), which I’ve edited slightly. Come to your conclusions:

Wanting you the way I do
I only want to be with you
And I would go
To the ends of the earth
'Cause darling
To me that's what you're worth

Chorus
Where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead

If you're out on the road
Feeling lonely, and so cold
All you have to do is call my name
And I'll be there on the next train

Chorus (2x)[ii]

Since the reality of life is that most people’s days start and end with uncertainty; sometimes all one can do is there best to adapt to all the change. Here are some ways to effectively deal with uncertainty.

People who handle uncertainty well…

1.  Don’t dwell on problems: Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you prolong a negative emotion, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal effectiveness that produces positive performance.

 

The more time you spend worrying about the possibilities. The less time you’ll spend focusing on taking action that will calm you down, and keep your stress under control. Successful people know that asking “what if?” will only take them to a place they don’t need to go to.

 

When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure. You spend your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish (and what you should have done differently) instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

 

2.  Embrace the uncontrollable: People who excel at managing uncertainty aren’t afraid to acknowledge what’s causing it. Successful people live in the real world. They know that the only thing they can control is the process through which they reach their decisions. Don’t be afraid to step up and say, “Here’s what we don’t know, but we’re going forward based on what we do know.

 

We may make mistakes, but that’s a lot better than standing still. People who are the best at making decisions in the face of uncertainty don’t waste their time getting stuck where the biggest risk is looking foolish in front of others.

 

Learning to balance many decisions allows you to focus your energy on the things that matter by making more informed choices. It removes the unnecessary distractions caused by small worries.

 

3.  Know when to trust their gut: People who successfully deal with uncertainty recognize the power of their gut instincts. They rely on some successful strategies to do it:

 

a.  Their own filters: Their ability to filter out the feelings that aren’t coming from their intuition helps them focus on what is.

 

b.  Space with their own intuition: Intuition works best when we’re not pressuring it to come up with a solution.

 

c.   A track record: They start by listening to their gut on small things, and seeing how it goes so that they’ll know whether they can trust it when something big comes around.

 

4.  Practice mindfulness regularly: You have to remain calm to make good decisions in the face of uncertainty. The practice of being in the moment with breathing trains your brain to focus solely on the task at hand, and quiets distracting thoughts.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, go to a quiet room free of distractions. Sit in a chair, stair at a point beyond you, and breathe.

 

The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on your breathing. This sounds simple, but it’s hard to do for more than five minutes. If you get sidetracked by another thought, you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing with the word, “now.” This task may seem silly, but you’ll be surprised by how calm you feel throughout your week.

 

5.  Replace expectations with plans: When you form expectations, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You can guide your tomorrow, but you can’t control the exact outcome. If you expect the worst, you’ll probably feel too closed-minded to seize opportunities. If you expect the best, you’ll create a vision that’s hard to live up to.

 

Instead of expecting the future to give you something specific, focus on what you’ll do to create what you want to experience. Staying on top of uncertainty is as much about planning for failure as it is about hoping for the best.

 

Experts at handling uncertainty aren’t afraid to admit that they could be wrong, and that frees them up to make detailed contingency plans before taking action. They know how to understand mistakes so that they can make better decisions in the future.

 

6.  Stay positive: You have to give your drifting mind help by consciously thinking about the positive. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention. Think about your day, and identify one positive thing that happened (no matter how small). If you can't think of anything from the current day, reflect on the near past for a pleasant event.

 

You must have something positive that you're ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative due to the stress of uncertainty. Wise people stifle the voice of fear before it gets out of control.

 

They focus rationally on the information they have to go on. These individuals remind themselves that a primitive part of their brain is trying to take over, and that the logical part needs to be the one in charge. They tell their limbic system to settle down and be quiet.[iii]

“For one day…refrain from something you habitually do to run away (to escape). Pick something concrete: such as overeating or excessive sleeping or overworking or spending too much time texting or checking e-mails.

Make a commitment to yourself to gently and compassionately work with refraining from this habit for this one day. Really commit to it. Do this with the intention that it will put you in touch with the underlying anxiety or uncertainty that you've been avoiding. Do it and see what you discover.” (Pema Chodron)

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[i] “Where He Leads Me” (1890)

1.      I can hear my Savior calling,
I can hear my Savior calling,
I can hear my Savior calling,
“Take thy cross and follow, follow Me.”

Chorus
Where He leads me I will follow,
Where He leads me I will follow,
Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.

2.      I’ll go with Him through the waters,
I’ll go with Him through the waters,
I’ll go with Him through the waters,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.

 

3.     I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.

 

4.     I’ll go with Him to dark Calv’ry,
I’ll go with Him to dark Calv’ry,
I’ll go with Him to dark Calv’ry,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.

 

5.     I’ll go with Him to the judgment,
I’ll go with Him to the judgment,
I’ll go with Him to the judgment,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.

 

6.     He will give me grace and glory,
He will give me grace and glory,
He will give me grace and glory,
And go with me, with me all the way.

 

[ii] Edited full version of the Gilmore Girls theme song makes it clear that this song is about a human (and not God).

Loving you the way I do
I only wanna be with you
And I will go
To the ends of the earth,
Cause darling, to me that’s what you're worth

Chorus
Where you lead
I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, if you need me to be with you
I will follow
Where you lead

If you're out on the road
Feelin' lonely and so cold
All you have to do is call my name
And I'll be there
On the next train

Chorus

I always wanted a real home
With flowers on the windowsill
But if you wanna live in New York City
Honey, you know I will

I never thought I could get satisfaction
From just one man
But if anyone can keep me happy
You're the one who can

 

[iii] Sources used:

·       “11 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Overcome Uncertainty” by Travis Bradberry

·       “7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty So You Can Be Happier and Less Anxious” by Lori Deschene

 ·       “Gilmore Girls” Wikipedia