Thank Him

“You can tell yourself that God's not fair, or you can thank Him that He's not fair. If God was fair, we would be doomed and condemned.” (Paul David Tripp)

 As many of you realize, the Almighty can take our lives in directions we never expected. Below are adapted on-line journal entries from my CaringBridge account written by my wife (Bobbi). Can you guess what is happening in my life right at that time?

5/23/2009

I decided to take Robert to the hospital because he was having balance issues and could not sit straight and was closing one eye.  MRI was planned but never completed until Monday evening.

5/26/2009

I was at work this morning when Robert called from the ER, and said “I have a mass on my brain."  I thought he was joking. We had been joking the last two or three weeks about his brain. (He was having memory issues) Robert didn't realize that was a sign of something wrong.  Since I thought he was joking I asked "When will the doctors be there, have you seen them yet?” 

 He said he is right here. I about fell out of my chair! The doctor came on and gave me all the medical terms for what they saw. I was in shock, and didn’t comprehend a lot of what was said. All I all I could think of was getting to the hospital to be with Robert. 

5/28/2009

Thursday morning was awesome. God was with us all. He was so good. The pastor of our church, our deacons, Robert’s mom and sister all showed up along with Allena (daughter) and me for his surgery. God was so good. We were able to pray over the surgeon and Robert. I felt so much peace.  We were visited throughout the day from church family and friends. 

We felt so much support.  Finally the doctor came out to tell us they had to do several biopsies because they wanted to make sure they were getting the best specimen. The sample was coming back as "normal brain cells, inflamed". They sent the samples to Mayo Clinic for further tests.

November 17, 2009

Robert is at the James Cancer Center for about four days for his first chemotherapy treatment. He won’t be with us for the big Thanksgiving celebration this year at his aunt and uncle’s home in Bethesda, OH. That’s probably just as well as I understand chemotherapy can affect the taste buds.

While Robert is in the hospital, they will be putting a PICC line in his arm for the chemo therapy so they only have to poke one area of his body. They are doing this intravenously so chemotherapy will get to his brain. They plan to do three treatments twenty-one days apart.

The doctor expects Robert to have nausea, suffer exhaustion, and lose hair. That’s all a small price to pay for his life. Since Allena and I don’t think Robert will make an attractive bald person, we bought him a colorful bandana to cover it. I wonder if he’ll wear it. Maybe Robert’s hair will grow back curly since he hates his straight hair. Robert has wanted to lose some weight lately. Maybe that will happen with the chemotherapies. Thank you all for your continued prayers

None of the above was pleasant, and I am glad that time in my life has is over. (The Lymphoma/Leukemia combo has remained in remission since March of 2010.) The whole trajectory of my life has been affected by an event that was completely out of my control.

Today, the song that best describes my feelings about that time of my life is Tamela Mann’s “God Provides.” Do these (abridged) lyrics ring a familiar chord inside your heart, or do you wish they were true for you in your life?

  God provides so why do I worry about my life
When you come to my rescue a thousand times
Every other voice  is a lie
God provides

God provides
In ways I can't explain and can't deny
The little that I have He multiplies
Just when I feel he won't show up on time
God provides

He'll come through
When the clouds of doubt rain down on you
And test everything you thought you knew
Now you finally see what God can do for you

God provides
It's hard to say when there's no food to eat
Or what you see feels all that life will be
And will this be another year of misery for me
But my faith, can't survive on just things I see
And my feelings can't control my destiny
See god I only want what you believe, for me

God provides (and He'll step right in, in the nick of time)
God provides (and He'll open the windows of Heaven)
God provides (and pour you out a blessing  you won't have room to receive)

“When we look to God as provider, we are surrendering our independence and trusting someone else to meet our needs, over which we have no control. Letting go of our ‘dependence on independence’ and letting someone else take control goes against natural human instinct. We need to fight the urge to take over and just let God be God, because He can provide for us better than we can.”
(Corallie Buchanan, author of Watch Out! Godly Women on the Loose)