You believe you are in love with someone very special (possibly your soul mate). Unfortunately, this person has told you that they only want to be friends.” That’s hard for you to accept.
“[Am I] slightly involved? There is no such thing. That’s like being a little
bit pregnant.” (The series, 90210)
This
person is closer to you than any other of your friends. You can talk to them about
nearly everything. You wonder should you see other people, or hope one day they
might see the light of your abiding love for them. If this scenario sounds familiar, below are steps to go from
disappointment to healing:
· Be alone to practice forgiveness to
yourself – Exercise the same
tender compassion towards yourself that you offer others.
“You call me a dreamer; well sometimes dreams come true, I need to be
loved too much. I need to be held too tight. I need to hear someone say at the
end of the day, ‘I’ll make everything right.’ When the rest of the world goes
home, I need to feel someone’s touch. I’ve been alone too long now; I need to
be loved too much.”
(Ty Herndon)
(Ty Herndon)
· Realize that feelings are fleeting – Though disappointment cannot be ignored, realize that
worst-case scenarios serve no purpose. We are impermanent beings in change. My
own irrationalities and inconsistencies are what brought me to this path.
“I close my eyes, inhale, and feel a rush of heat and energy that takes
my breath away. It is the feeling of wanting something so much that it borders
on an actual need, and the power and urgency of this need overwhelms me.”
(Emily Giffin, author of Love the One You’re With)
(Emily Giffin, author of Love the One You’re With)
· No one owns the good qualities (of
another individual) – Qualities like being a
good friend, concern and kindness towards others, and the ability to cheer
anyone belong to all people (if they just access them from inside).
“We can't help everyone, but everyone can help
someone.” (Ronald Reagan)
· Play the no-blame
game - Be
respectful, compassionate, and forgive yourself. Talk to yourself, meditate, or
call a friend for a walk.
“You shouldn’t let me dream [because] I’m too romantic. Don’t let me fall unless
it could all come true.” (Frank Sinatra)
· Form new boundaries (and a new
understanding) –The importance is in
learning precious lessons at the precise times we need them. Interpret every
smile as just a smile, and nothing else.
“Don’t wait for your
feelings to change to take action. Take action and your feelings will change.” (Barbara Baron)
· Rebuild connections with former love interests - It may be painful at first. Push through
awkwardness, and ease into safe topics like music, sports, and even family. It
may be an adjustment, but exercise new boundaries. It’s not an impossible
adjustment. Do not worry about what could happen tomorrow. [i]
“So do not worry
about tomorrow. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Living faithfully is a large
enough task for today.” (Matthew
6:34, VOICE)
“Loving yourself...does not mean being
self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming
yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of
respect, a lovable companion.” (Margot Anand)
[i] Sources used:
·
“Staying Friends When You Wanted
More” by MK Miller
·
“I am in Love
with This Special Person, but She Just Wants to... “ www.relationshiptalk.net
Dedicated to my
daughter, Allena Kinker
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