In the ministry, I’ve learned how to
interact with difficult people; how to plan for huge events; how to raise
support for new endeavors; and how to neglect my family. I want to
encourage you not to give up your family for your calling from God.
“You will never feel truly satisfied by
work until you are satisfied by life.” (Heather Schuck)
As ministers, we tend to put our congregations
needs above the wishes of those that we share our home with. As we are
giving our all for the cause, they are left alone wishing that they were first
in our hearts instead of the church. I’ve also seen many pastors lose their
ministry because their families became an idol. They created a division between
these two parts of their life. Take my advice.
Resist the temptation to do this.
“One of the things about my ministry is that I
have never branded myself as being above the people or superior to people.” (T. D. Jakes)
If you ignore your family, your ministry will be gone. What
leads a pastor to believe that it is essential to spend much of his time with his wife and children?
A forty-hour work week isn’t wrong, but it’s not biblical either.
Pastors are blessed to have flexible schedules that allow
them to eat lunch with their wife and children on occasion. They can get away
from work occasionally to attend their kid’s school functions. Such flexibility
is a blessing that must not be taken for granted.
“It is one of the ironies of the ministry that
the very man who works in God's name is often hardest put to find time for God.
The parents of Jesus lost Him at church, and they were not the last ones to
lose Him there.” (Vance Havner)
In scriptures, the Almighty is
described as Father, and bridegroom (husband). If we are striving to be more
like Jesus, we should be striving to be better spouses and parents.
Your
family must come before your church in your order of priorities. This does not
mean that they will come first all the time. Sometimes the needs of ministry
necessitate that others receive my attention. Late meetings or minister to
families in crisis can happen into the night.
Often the stress of ministry can pull
me to my knees in prayer or to study the Bible
rather than being with my family. In any type of full-time (or volunteer)
ministry with the church, you must have balance in your life (by not
overcommittting yourself in the name of Jesus). There’s a time to work,
and there’s a time to refuse it.
The call to be a pastor means shepherding the Heavenly
Father’s flock (family). This duty can’t be ignored. Here are some steps you
can take to avoid this costly mistake:
1. Involve your family in the ministry - Why wouldn’t you want to have your family at worship with
you; accompanying you on visitation; or praying for you? Taking your children
with you when making visits is a form of discipleship.
2. Do not separate family time (from church time) - This is a pet-peeve of mine that is not restricted to
pastors. The idea that real family time can only be had when you are alone with
your nuclear family is false. There are wonderful times of family fellowship
and fun had among our church family.
“Use
your ministry to build people (not people to build your ministry).”
(Jacquelyn K. Heasley)
(Jacquelyn K. Heasley)
3. Use your home for ministry – Things like welcoming new visitors to your church (and
pre-marital counseling) are best welcomed at your home with coffee and dessert.
New guests to your church can be welcomed guests in your home. You can perform
the important duties of a pastor, and still get to say good night to your
children at bedtime.
4. Model a healthy marriage before your people - Remember that godliness is first shown at home. Your
church needs to see you relating to your wife and children in healthy biblical
ways.
“The
true character of ministry is a servant’s heart.” (Harold Warner)
My biggest problem was that I was
intimidated by those two little letters, “no.” Repeat it out loud a few
times. Did anything horrible happen? It’s ok to say no occasionally.
You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) do everything.
The last thing you want to do in
your time in ministry is to be sorry for ignoring your family. That will
haunt you more than the individuals you didn’t reach because you refused to put
in a few more hours at the church.
“The goal of the pastor
is not to get people to show up, but to get people to grow up.” (John Maxwell)
I urge pastors to do the hard work of ministry. The call to pastor
should not be taken lightly. You are to protect, feed, and guide the congregation
to which God has entrusted you to. There is one mistake you can’t afford to
make. I am fortunate that I have a wife who put up with me. Set the
most important things first. Be a fantastic spouse and parent. Your
family deserves this, and God will honor all your efforts with both your family
(and your ministry).
“If you're going to counsel people (and that's
all my ministry is), it's a counseling ministry more than anything else. People
have to believe that they can trust you, and that they can listen to you (that
you're going to try to help them and not just politically try to convert them
to your views).” (Robert H. Schuller)[i]
[i] Sources used: “Don’t Sacrifice Your Ministry
for Your Family” by Craig Thompson and “Is Ministry More Important than Family?” by Jesse Biondi
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