But by the time that you actually
see someone…you can’t quite remember what the word was, and of course you’ll
never be able to find it again. It’s lost, hidden away among the much more
boring words. Why do dictionaries insist on defining words like “and”. And why
do they have to be arranged alphabetically?
We all have moments when we’re lost
for words, or when we struggle to describe the-little-plastic-bits-on-the-end-of-your-shoelaces[v],
but it’s usually too much of a hassle to run off and read through all eighteen
volumes of The Oxford English Dictionary
searching for just the right term. There was a guy recently who read the whole
thing cover to eighteenth cover, but it took him a whole year…If you did that
every time you were looking for the right word, you might come back to find
that the conversation had moved on.
That’s why I decided to pick out all
the best and most useful unused words in the dictionary and put them in a book.
But I wasn’t going to arrange it alphabetically. I decided to arrange them by
the hour of the day when they might be useful.[vi]
So antejentacular[vii]
is in the chapter for seven am, and curtain
lecture[viii]
is saved until midnight.
Ultracrepidarian[ix]
is saved for office hours, and gymnologising[x]
isn’t. In the end, I found myself describing a complete day, but a day based
around the finest words in the dictionary. That was my rule: they all had to
have been recorded in at least one English dictionary. These words are
beautiful. They remind us of why English is the greatest language on earth.
They tell us stories about lost worlds.
They make us laugh and sometimes
shock us. But most importantly, they deserve to be brought back. They’re all
still usable. Some of them are nearly new, with just a few citations on the
clock. So come on, expand your word power. Here are ten beauties to get you
going.
1.
Quomodocunquizing is making money in any way that you can. It’s almost the
same as the modern word hustling except without any of the gangster…overtones…
2.
A whiffler is
somebody who walks in front of you through a crowd, waving a chain or an axe in
order to clear your path. Back in medieval times kings and aristocrats would
have whifflers to walk through
the town square in front of them pushing away any peasants who might have got
in the Royal Way…
3.
Smicker is to look [affectionately] after
somebody. It’s one of those wonderful words whose meaning is obvious the second
you use it in the right context…
4.
Deipnophobia is a [gloomy] fear of dinner parties…One of the joys of the
hidden corners of the dictionary is all the words that English has constructed
from ancient languages…
5.
Uhtceare is an Old English word for waking up before dawn and not
being able to get back to sleep because you’re worried about something. Uht (pronounced oot) was the hour before sunrise and
ceare is the same as the modern English care. Sometimes the joy of discovering
a strange word is the realization that other people have experienced that…People
have been suffering from uhtceare for over a thousand years.
6.
Sprunt tells you about a time and a place
that’s gone forever. Sprunt is
an old Scottish word meaning to chase girls around among the haystacks after
dark…Imagine a time and a place where chasing girls around among the haystacks
after dark was such a common activity that people said “We need a
single-syllable word for this…”
7.
Going to Siege In Medieval
times, a knight would tell people that he was “going to siege” (the bathroom).
There’s something so poetic…military and noble…
8.
Fudgel is an eighteenth-century term
meaning pretending to work when you’re not actually doing anything at all.
Modern offices are full of it, largely because when somebody is staring
intently at a computer screen and typing it’s hard to tell whether they’re
busily putting together this year’s accounts or busily updating their Facebook
status or buying something on eBay… “Stop fudgelling” should be the catchphrase
of every efficient office manager.
9.
A wheady mile is the last mile or so of a journey that, for some reason,
seems to take much longer than it should…
10.
To groke is an old Scots term meaning to look at somebody while
they’re eating in the hope that they’ll give you some of their food.
Originally, the term was only applied to dogs…Any dog owner will know that look
of plaintive groking that comes whenever you’re eating… Groking can be applied
to humans as well. Just try opening a box of chocolates in any modern workplace
and watch as your co-workers come by to groke and ask you how you are.
11.
If you’re finifugal, you’re afraid of finishing anything…
[i] This post is adapted from the article, “11 Weird Words/Phrases You
Should Be Using” by Mark Forsyth, Jan 23, 2014
[ii] “Gongzoggle” is to stare
idly at a watercourse and do nothing.
[iii] “Zwodder”
is a feeling of drowsiness.
[iv] The phrase “spell it
out” refers to speaking the letters that form a word in sequence Google Answers
[v] Anglets
[vi] Thus, “The Horologicon,” or “book of hours
[vii] Antejentacular is before breakfast.
[viii] A “curtain lecture” is a
telling-off given by a wife to her husband in bed.
[ix] A “ultracrepidarian” is someone
gives opinions on a subject they know nothing about.
[x] A “gymnologising”
is having an argument in the nude.
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