NOTE:
The speech below regarding my involvement as my wife’s bariatric support system
will be given by me sometime during the Mount Carmel West 2016 Bariatric
Social, Columbus, OH, from 2-4pm, Sunday, November 13, 2016.[i]
I never thought I would live to see time travel become a
reality in my lifetime (as it is suggested in the Back to the Future movie trilogy or the Timeless TV series).
As my wife’s support system since her bariatric surgery
(in August 2014), the “full of life” young lady I courted and eventually
married in the early nineties was coming back to me (little by little) in this ever-changing
body (of hers).
Bobbi has always been a beautiful female (both inside and
out) since I’ve known her; regardless of her body size. Never could I have
imagined that the one hundred and forty-five extra pounds she was retaining on
her physical frame was preventing her from being the best version of the woman
I’ve always loved.
I’m happy that my adult daughter, our three Chihuahuas,
and I have had the opportunity of traveling with her on her journey (of
self-discovery) no matter where it’s taken us all.
Though my wife’s current life pathway today has included minor
weight gain, controlling her appetite, and some minor health issues, much of
what plagued the heavier Bobbi in the past is now a distant memory (for us all).
Painful knee joints (as exhibited in the use of electronic
store carts), out-of-control diabetes, and neutral loose-fitting pants suits
were a normal part of my wife’s existence before bariatric surgery.
Throwing out all Bobbi’s old negative emotional junk as
she replaced it with the positives of being able to perform chores (pain-free),
diabetes gone, and now wearing a variety of colorful form-fitting clothing befitting
of the radiance coming from a precious Daughter of God. My wife had lived in
physical (and emotional) darkness for way too long.[ii]
Her smile (and the twinkle in her eyes) that had mesmerized
me so in my thirties had returned in full-force. Life had become much like the 1939
Wizard of Oz movie (starring a young
Judy Garland).
Bobbi’s journey up to her operation had been in black and
white. After that time her new existence was in colors so dazzling; I was
looking for my sun glasses (to protect my vision).
Here are some of the items this improved translation of
Bobbi has taken on in her second chance at life. She has taken on the
challenging task of a supervisor in her place of employment.
As insignificant as it seems, she is the chief yard
maintenance person for the reviled task of lawn mowing. This is in exchange for
me performing the larger percentage of laundry, dishes, and vacuuming duties.
Bobbi has become more involved with others that need her
help. This includes assisting a student in our local church to school mentoring
program, helping several women better understand the men in their lives who
have traumatic brain injury, or sewing for those (emotionally or physically) in
need.
As an encouragement blogger, I enjoy being the curious half
of our marriage. I regularly ask the question that no one has ever asked
before. I once asked my wife this question: “If you could go back in time to
give the pre-surgery Bobbi some advice, what would you tell her?”
I wasn’t surprised with her two words of guidance: “Don’t
wait.” Over the years discovering others who had exceeded their original weight
(before this lifestyle change), or had problematic weight loss surgeries, my
wife felt her existence could be more at risk with this procedure than she was
at her weight of three hundred and sixty-nine pounds (then a size twenty-six,
but now a size sixteen).
Her former endocrinologist, Dr. John Paes, gave advice
(similar to this) on several of her appointments with him. “Bobbi you have got
to take some drastic measures with your weight loss. Your body is shutting
down, and dying. You may not be here next year if you don’t modify your weight
soon.”
Every wifely (and maternal) instinct came forward in
Bobbi. She wanted to grow old with me, and experience all the nuances of being
Allena’s mother, which included providing her guidance, and one day possibly
seeing her quirky daughter with a spouse and children. [iii]
As Bobbi’s spouse (and friend) throughout this
experience, I persuade her for us both try to walk on a regular basis in the
evening; eat higher protein foods; regularly enjoy sugar-free Fudgesicles (and
popsicles); cut down on the stress (when it’s possible), and avoid emotional
overeating.
Marital disagreements happen when I refuse to allow Bobbi
to negatively focus on her unmet personal weight loss goals (in eventually
accomplishing excess skin removal surgery). I see the positive of where she was
before, and how much healthier (and transformed she is today).
I am extremely proud of her resilience throughout this
wonderful expedition. As a diabetic, I need to be more diligent in curtailing my
never-ending desire to eat. It will often negatively influence the quantity of
my wife’s food consumption (even when she’s not hungry).
I’m proud to see her stop when her stomach is full. (This
would not have been a lifestyle choice of the pre-surgery Bobbi.) Together, we
are experiencing both the good (and bad) of life in this new mission.
By the way (just so you know), the words I just spoke
were approved by the subject of this speech, my wife, Bobbi Lynn (McFarlen)
Kinker, who chose to marry me (in Columbus, OH) twenty-four years ago today.
 |
| Our wedding day on 11/13/93 |
[i]
The word “bodacious” means daring, and is a combination of the words bold and
audacious.
[ii] Matthew
4:16, NABRE “The
people who sit in darkness have seen a great light, on those dwelling in a land
overshadowed by death light has arisen.” For a similar passage in the Old
Testament, refer to Isaiah 9:2.
[iii] “A good
woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her
without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. [He] joins in with words of
praise. Her children respect and bless her.” Proverbs 31:10-11, 28, MSG
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