Happily Ever After

Thirty-eight years ago on Saturday, June 24, 1978, it was a muggy, eighty-one degree afternoon in central Ohio. My younger siblings and I had just completed our paper route. The three of us were sweaty and dirty.

We pleaded with our father (42) to take us wherever he was going on his adventure. Cleanliness was his requirement, and in our present state none of us was making the cut for his trip. My dad had recently arrived home from his job as a barber (in Bexley). He was traveling to an antique clock auction in Washington Court House (about an hour away).

At around 5:20pm, my mother (37) and Kim Jim, and I (13, 11, 14) were enjoying Putt-Putt; as my father’s car was about to slam into a tree on the east side of U.S. Route 62 South.  Dad, Robert E. Kinker, maybe traveling too fast (possibly distracted by his C.B. radio) had to make a choice to hit another driver (pulling out on the road in front of him), or safely zoom across a four-lane road in his car to hit a tree.

He chose to save someone else’s life at the expense of sacrificing his. (I call that a hero.) The severe head injuries dad sustained from this crash would kill him before arriving at Mount Carmel West Hospital for help.
I assume dad was deceased or unresponsive by the time the police discovered him. Identification of him would have been made by his driver license.

All these years later, I wish I had been given the opportunity to gently hold dad’s hand as he took his final breath, and walked into eternity. I am certain my sister, Kim, (Daddy’s Girl) feels the same way as I do.

My father’s car wreck brought about a whole chain of events for two police officers. They were first dispatched to my Bexley home to relay the unpleasant news to my mother. When she wasn’t home, the neighbors told them where we attended church.

At our family’s church, Dr. Dinoff was pulled out of a men’s prayer meeting. He was given the somber news of my father’s passing by law enforcement. Several men and the pastor knew where to find my family. (We have no idea how this information was known by anyone these many years later.)

When the church men and Dr. Dinoff greeted my mother with their grave news, it was a shock, but in no way a surprise. Mom thought she was absolutely crazy with all the messages her Heavenly Father had provided her with throughout the day that dad’s earthly life was coming to an end that night.

In the midst of my mother’s grief of identifying her husband at the morgue, the only thing she says she remembers is that his face was missing its dentures. (Had his teeth been lost in the accident?)

On our way to the Dinoff’s home, where we three children received the news of dad’s passing, my sister remembers asking one of the church men present (John Alexander): “Is my dad OK?” His response was “Everything will be fine.”

That statement has been prophetic in the life of my family. We’ve been through some horrible stuff through the years (too numerous to name here). With the Almighty’s guidance, we’ve come through it all better, more empathetic people on the other side (of the storm).

We were at the Dinoffs for quite awhile before we got the news that night. There were a lot of tears shed during our time there. I’m told I even screamed in desperation. This night reminds me a great deal of someone seeing their first terrifying movie. The horrifying memory is always lurking around somewhere in the hidden places of your mind. It’s always ready to scare you when you least expect it (over and over again).

On the ride home, being the oldest son I remember all the questions swirling around in my head on how this family would survive without a father figure at the helm of our family ship. (At this age, there is no way I was ready to take over that job.)

According to mom, a good friend of our family’s spent the night with us all just to be there for us our time of immense sorrow. (It was Judy Matheny, a mother and wife. Her husband served with my father on the bus ministry at the church that was currently providing our emotional support, Fellowship Baptist Church.)

I’m sure everyone has had their own challenges. They have shaped (and changed) everything about you. Because of them, you are the unique individual God created. I am satisfied with where I am in my life now, but I’m always willing to improve for the better.

God (has placed and) needs me to be right where I am. There have been many unexpected twists and turns (both positive and negative) in my unfinished journey.

Proverbs 3:13 (NKJV) cleverly states what I want to achieve for the remaining time that I have left here in this world. “Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.” We can all use more compassion and understanding.  Can you live with a “happily ever” based on this verse?



*Thanks to both my mother (Janice Zarbaugh) and sister’s (Kim Graham) memories (that I had forgotten) of this shocking family event.

Growing up Kinker