Encourage Me: The Switch

In the hierarchy of my family nothing can ever change the fact that I (Robert Allen Kinker) am the oldest son of my biological father (Robert Eugene Lee Young Kinker) and my biological mother (Janice Lou Eagle Kinker Zarbaugh). My siblings also hold their unique places in the family pecking order.

Possibly in the last fifteen years (or so), I’ve noticed a switch in the relationship between my mother and me. The verdict is still out on how I feel about it. I’m aware that I can’t be the only child that has felt this way.

Somehow, it happened that I am no longer the child being cared for by my parent, but a child-parent making sure my mother is cared for during her golden years (seventies). I was a challenge to raise as a child. I feel it’s payback time now when my mother needs help from me (or Bobbi). This only makes sense to me now.

One thing I enjoy about my adult friendship with my mother is that we can both be bluntly honest with each other (about anything), and it doesn’t seem to have a negative effect on our relationship.) We seem to chalk it up to that’s the mood swing of the person on the other end of the phone line today.)

If either one of us ventures verbally into unwelcome personal territory, the offender is told to back off. We both respect that request and obey (unless there is some good why that can’t happen).

I believe our commonality comes from our shared family heritage. As a son and a grown man (that adores her), I have a unique opportunity to understand mom’s wide array of emotions and opinions (like no one else can).

My mother feels the switch (between us) actually happened on June 24, 1978, when my father passed away. I have very little memory of all that happened in the years that immediately followed that important date (in my life).

I wonder if the innocent phrase my paternal grandmother made to me soon after my father’s passing (her son) unknowingly had more of a profound effect on me than either one of us could have ever realized.

What was a fourteen year-old teenager to do with “Now, you’re the man of the family?” My head interpreted that as be her helper (or right hand man) no matter what she needs of you.

Mom has often told me many times that she relied on me more than she should have to get done what needed to be completed around our home. My efforts (and how my siblings assisted) are all a big blur to me at my current age (52).

Knowing my personality then, chances are I was willing to help my quirky, endearing mom in whatever I could to release some of the stress of being a single mother. I owe a big debt of gratitude to the genetic material that came from both my father and mother that gives me the unique individuality I have.

I am appreciative that I haven’t forgotten the wisdom of Proverbs 1:8 (NLT) “… Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.” What I have absorbed from both parent’s belief systems has given my life its zest.

No matter whether you resemble your mother (or father) in personality, be thankful (and blessed) for all they have contributed to who you are at this very moment. If they are still living, revitalize your relationship with them by expressing your gratitude to them in the near future.