Walk the Talk?

It was October 2008. By that time, my family had been attending a small Southern Baptist church called First Baptist Church of Gahanna.  Bobbi and I had been married for fifteen years. Allena was twelve and adjusting to eighth grade at Gahanna Middle School West.  

I was forty-five, the year after (May 2009) cancer (Lymphoma) would change the landscape of the Kinker family’s life forever (look up the numerous references to my cancer on this blog). Bobbi was forty-three. Just six years prior, we had experienced the last of our eight miscarriages (see Lifetime Membership).

God was leading me to encourage and educate men with their relationships with their wives after I had read the men’s version of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman several years prior to this.

With the pastor’s blessing, I (as Small Group Leader Extraordinaire) prepared interesting teaching materials (five colored love language signs); created my own unique group discussion (and icebreaker) questions; devised stimulating illustrations (chocolate prizes for correct answers); contacted both our local newspaper (The Rocky Fork Enterprise); and the community event’s website for the on-line version of The Columbus Dispatch (our city’s main newspaper).

I felt this event was going to be the largest the church’s spacious multi-purpose room had ever held. (Extra materials needed to be prepared by me.) The finished announcement for the church bulletin was quite fascinating (at least I felt so).

Men, how would you like a proven, enjoyable, painless way to communicate intimately with your wife? Starting this Thursday, October 9^th, a study for men entitled, “Successfully Speaking Wife Talk 101” will begin at our church in the Fellowship Hall from 7-8:30pm. If you  or your male friends outside of FBC are interested, please e-mail Robert Kinker at dfasman@columbus.rr.com, or see the sign-up sheet in the vestibule.

Five guys, (“Terrence, Barry, Jim, Garrell, Jordan, and Morris”) attended my group for the full two month duration, and learned how to better communicate with their spouses. (One of those men was from my work, and the other five were from that church.) I believe the guys from FBC came for my emotional support, which I greatly appreciated.

For them, the five love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch) were (hopefully) transforming their marriage as we prayed each week in class for each other’s needs.

At my home, the spiritual war was raging. Bobbi and I fought horribly at home. Our unloving words to one another did not mirror how much we really cared the other person.

The study ended with a wonderful couple’s date night (no children allowed) at the Gahanna Old Bag of Nails on the second, which I call “the party upper room.” We ate, talked, all guy participants got graduation certificates, and I gave all couples present a brochure about an upcoming romantic, enriching Marriage Encounter weekend (Baptist version).

In addition to this, all couples present filled out a course evaluation for my benefit. Both the husbands and wives had a lot to say. What follows is just sampling of the comments written down that night.

Barry said, “It has done a great deal, and helped with the kids, too.” His wife “Mandy” stated, “The affection is wonderful, but not right in the middle of cleaning the toilet or cooking.”

Jordan wrote, “I have taken a couple of things from the course. [First, my] wife [has made] a list of things that I could do to fill her love tank….” His wife, “Daphne,” penned “We discussed the questions asked of him, and I learned more about him… He really is a very good husband.”

I learned several things in this life venture. First, things never turn out the way we plan them. (God is in charge of that.) Second, it is always best to live what one preaches to others. The life of a hypocrite is lonely, scary, and exhausting. Proverbs 26:20 (MSG) says, “When you run out of wood, the fire goes out; when the gossip ends, the quarrel dies down.” Only God knows the results your actions (and words) will have on others. Make them all pleasant experiences.