The Challenge

My marriage to my wife, Bobbi, on November 13, 1993, has been a challenge. We are both natural opinionated extrovert Leos. Our marital ministry involvement at the churches we have attended, have included Prayer Couple Coordinators for Baptist Marriage Encounter and attendance to more marriage seminars than I can count.

Marriage counseling over the years has helped every morning I wake up is a daily decision on the type of husband I will be for Bobbi.  I can be the Robert she needs to stay forever, or the other Robert she wishes would leave immediately and never return.

In the office of one of the many counselors we went to (as a couple), we were asked to write down our mate’s positive and negative qualities. Though my notes on Bobbi have been lost for some time, I recently found on my computer what positive things she said about me, as well as what she would like changed. Here is what she wrote:

PRO’S

1.   Family is a priority to Robert.

2.   I appreciate his talent to remember scripture.

3.   I appreciate his artistic, vocal, and written talents.

4.   I appreciate that he is helpful around the house (although there are times he is not)

5.   I appreciate that he doesn’t squander his paycheck, or doesn’t go out drinking.

6.   He takes care of the library items for our family.

7.   Robert is willing to do things for other when he realizes there is a need.

8.   He would sacrifice for others important to himself.

9.   When he is in a great mood, he is very jovial. His laughter makes me smile.

10.                     When he jokes around he lightens the mood.

11.                     He brings good qualities to his friends and family. (He is willing to show or help others to see things that will help them grow.)

12.                     His many good qualities are include his love for God, reading, singing, and kindness (when Robert wants to be he is really kind).

CON’S

1.   I would give him the memory I know he wants.

2.   Take the Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder (ADHD) away. (He has always hated what it does to him.

3.   I would make him care for me the way he does for others.

4.   I would give him self-control and use self-control when in public (words actions).

5.   I would like give him the ability to have boundaries (when timing is right or wrong, and when to stop or start something).

6.   I would like to give him common sense so he doesn’t feel different, and so we can understand each other better.

7.   I would like to give him self confidence so that he can be the leader he wants to be in the home.

8.   I would like give him the ability to take his desire away to be the center of attention.

9.   I would like give him the ability to share his feelings with me, and not everyone else.

10.                     I would like him to keep his thought life clean. (I know he struggles with this.)

11.                     I would like to take “I don’t care out of his vocabulary.” This provokes thoughts in me that I don’t know how to handle.

12.                     I would like give him the ability to love me again.

13.                     I would like give him the ability to think before he says and does things. “How will this affect my relationship or my wife and family? (This is part of the I-don’t-care attitude.)

I wish I could tell you that I am wonderful all the time, and that I never have my horribly mean days. A good marriage can be a union with your best friend. A terrible marriage can be an exercise in never ending agony.

Slipping in bed at night close to someone you love dearly is much more preferable than sleeping on opposite ends of the bed because you want to have nothing to do with. Like anything difficult that is worth having, good marriages don’t just happen. They require lots of hard work (much like landscaping). No one is perfect. We are all works in progress.