An Almost Friend: A Story

Recently, Roland spoke with his friend from Selma, Alabama, via Skype. Thomas has been married for twenty years, and has two college-aged sons. He wanted to talk with Roland about a church-related issue.

Thomas thought he was friends with the Youth Director (Marley) in his church. Other than a casual hello on Sunday mornings, the only time Thomas hears from Marley is when the Youth Director needs something.

Several of Thomas’s friends have verified the same kind of treatment from Marley. Several of them have told Marley “no” to his requests. It’s been at least six months since Thomas has heard from the Youth Director.

Marley seems to never be available when Thomas needs to talk to a friend about what’s going on in his life. Both his texts and voicemails either go unanswered or delayed for whatever time period Marley sees as reasonable. Marley had some awful behavior (supposedly Christian) that made Roland feel cheap and used as a parishioner.

This was a feeling Roland did not like because he’d never felt it before. Roland wandered if he’d ever treated people in his church this way. He thought the answer was “no.” He hoped he was remembering correctly.

Thomas knows Marley is busy with three young children, the youth group, and on-line college, but we all make room in our schedule for what is most important (see Overwhelmed).  It seemed like Marley was making excuses for his impolite behavior. Thomas wanted advice on what he should do.

What would you do? Should Thomas break ties or keep the friendship? Can Thomas expect Marley to give him something in a friendship that he is unable to provide? (Can a leopard truly change its spots?) Is this really a friendship in the true sense of the word? Is Marley co-dependent on the generosity of those in his church to do the work the church is paying him to do?