We really
haven’t had a heart-to-heart talk since you died in a car accident on 6/24/78.
I am bi-polar/ADHD and struggle with anger in general. My psychiatrist is
putting me on a new medication. Along with this she has asked me to write you,
and grant forgiveness to you for everything I went through as your son.
First, I do
know I was a disappointment to you. Being
ADHD, I didn’t fit the “boy” mold correctly. I was extremely hyper (outside of
the box), problematic (with school and life), and never cared for sports. I was
more the intellectual art and book type. Maybe your opinion of me has somehow
filtered down into how I feel God sees me.
I’ve exceeded the age of your death (42). I
can better understand the stress of marriage, I did not like seeing the vicious
fights you and mom got into. It tore my heart in two since I still love you
both very much. When Bobbi and I get into a horrible fight, I wonder if Allena,
my namesake, feels as lonely and unloved as I did back then when an argument
flared up between you and mom.
My psychiatrist says I
need to forgive you. I am doing that right now. Whatever short comings you may
have had as a spouse or father they have gone with you to the grave. Most of
the time, you were a great father, but I cannot allow the bad parts of you to
come into my family, whom I cherish. I wish you could have met my wife,
daughter, and three Chihuahuas because God has given me something wonderful. You
will always be the charming father I look up to.
Your Oldest Son
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