“Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.” (Brené Brown)
Dear Shame,
I’ve known you for a while now. You were introduced to me when I was a
child. You showed up regularly throughout my childhood. I felt your condemning
stares hold me down emotionally like a ton of bricks.
You assumed the role of helicopter “friend”, pretending to look out for
my best interests, always making sure I was careful about not taking on
challenges in which I might have to step out of my comfort zone. I stayed
in my cocoon, in my comfort zone, where I I was safe. Was I really safe?
Shame, I trusted you, so I didn’t speak up in class because you didn’t
want me to risk sounding stupid. I didn’t put myself out there or accept
opportunities that would require more exposure than I felt comfortable with
(what if people would judge me negatively)?
You eventually had me convinced I wasn’t smart enough, or pretty enough,
or dynamic enough to succeed. You had me believe that covering my flaws and my
imperfections was a prerequisite for love and acceptance. I believed you. I
didn’t question you.
Worst of all, I stopped asking questions. I was silent. People assumed I
was quiet, shy, or introverted. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was or not. I
had no identity because you took up most of the space in my mind. I became
quiet. The silence was deafening. Shame, I am not blaming you,
because I know that blaming points fingers elsewhere, and I am responsible for
my life.
I must admit that you are good at your job. I admire your tenacity, and
there’s a lot I can learn from you. You’re as persistent as they come. In a way,
I feel like I should thank you. You taught me to stand up for myself.
You have a purpose that is beyond my capacity to comprehend. Sometimes I
wonder who you really work for. Shame, I have chosen to accept you for what you
are because I recognize that this is my only path to change.
They say “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” I never
really understood that quote until I got to know you better and began to
realize that when you keep your enemies close, you learn how they operate and
how best to deal with them.
Shame, I have chosen to step up, move forward, and acknowledge your presence
with no judgment. If you want to stick around, I can’t make you disappear, but
I can choose to keep you at a distance.. You will serve as a reminder of how
far I have come and how I found the courage to reduce you to a voice I have no
obligation of answering to.
My “comfort” cocoon made me appreciate the value of stepping out of my
comfort zone. Now I have wings that I will use to dust off your residue and
soar in ways I never thought possible. Thank you, Shame, for
teaching me the importance of protecting myself against you, and while they
might inevitably meet you one day, I am hopeful that the only purpose you will
serve is to remind me that I have the power to choose.
Shame, I choose to accept your challenge. You may have entered into my
headspace rent-free, but now I am my own landlord and I’m looking for a new
tenant. I wish you the best of luck because you’ll need it.
Fondly,
Me and My Truth
“Grace means that
all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.” (Mike Rusch)[i]
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