This can lead to resentment, tension, and
unfair sharing of family responsibilities (especially if that involves aging
parents). It could help to take a realistic look at your own siblings as they
are now (with adult responsibilities). What type of relationship do you have
with your adult sibling(s)? There are at least
five types:
·
Apathetic – Don’t feel connected and have infrequent to no contact
·
Congenial – Close and caring friends, but place a higher value on
marriage and parent/child relationships
·
Hostile – Based on resentment and anger
·
Intimate – Devoted and placing sibling relationship above all else
·
Loyal – Based on common family history, maintain regular contact,
participate in family gatherings, and are present in times of crisis
Many older adults view sibling
relationships like an hour glass. They are close in the early years, slim in
the teen to young adult years, and then and then more reliable as siblings age.
Research shows that sister/sister relationships remain a constant strong bond
throughout life. Even brother/sister relationships are reported as strong and
supportive. Both of those out rank the brother/brother relationships. Sibling relationships are
important for three reasons:
·
Friendships may come and go, but you’re stuck with your
sibling. This relationship is oftentimes one of the longest relationships in a
person’s life.
·
Sibling relationships are authentic. Often siblings grow up
in the same environment, share the same parents, and share common memories and
similar experiences.
·
Our siblings are our family tree. They are a part of who we
are and that relationship is a shared history that makes this unique
relationship invaluable.
When someone thinks of an older sister in the Bible, Martha of Bethany, may come to mind (John 11:5) along with her two younger siblings, Lazarus and Mary of Bethany. The three were close friends to Jesus. The name Martha is translated, in Hebrew, as mistress or myrrh. It comes from the verb מרר (marar), to be bitter or strong. The name Martha means “Lady Boss”, “Mistress”, or “Land Lady.”
Three of Martha of Bethany’s biggest character attributes are the following:
·
Martha
was a giving person. She owned a house so large that she could give lodging to
Jesus and His disciples. Taking care of so many was expensive yet she willingly
entertained them.
·
Martha
was a courageous person. It was dangerous to associate too closely with Jesus
especially around Jerusalem. The authorities were seeking some way to kill
Jesus. Many of His own disciples had abandoned Him, and others were speaking
against Him. Even Jesus’ own family had rejected Him. Nevertheless, Martha
welcomed Him. She was willing to let the world know of her devotion to Him.
·
Martha
was a caring and loving person. She loved and cared for her sister Mary and
that her brother Lazarus. For some unknown reason, Martha was taking care of
them both. She felt a deep devotion to her family as she loved and cared for
them very much.
We can all learn these important life lessons from Martha of Bethany:
· Avoid comparisons-Martha compares
herself to her sister, Mary. Martha is doing all the work and her sister is
lounging about talking away. She complains about the unfairness of it all.
People often use others as a measuring stick for our own self-worth. When we
look at other people, and feel like they have it all and we were stuck with
practically nothing, resentment starts to build. Here’s the thing about
comparing yourself to others. You never see the whole picture. We see smiling
faces of clean, well-behaved children and careers and marriages on Facebook and think they have it all. We
don’t see their hearts. Instead of comparing yourself to others, keep others in
your prayers. They may be struggling. Examine your own heart. Are you trying to
win the approval of God or others? What’s most important? “Do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No!
God is the One I am trying to please. Am I trying to please men? If I wanted to
please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10, ICB)
·
Be humble-Martha wanted recognition for her
hard work. She said to Jesus “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me
to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me.” She wanted Jesus to brag on her
and praise her for cooking and preparing the meal. She was probably more than a
little taken back when He, instead, gently corrected her. He told her that her
focus was on the wrong thing. Most of us
want someone to notice our
hard work (whatever that might be). It’s pleasant to get recognition, but if we
are doing something for that instead of showing God’s love to
people your motive is wrong. Are you so weighed down in serving that you are
neglecting those you are serving? “So no matter what your task is, work hard. Always do your best as the Lord’s
servant, not as [men].” (Colossians
3:23, VOICE)
· Give it to God-When Martha was
experiencing difficulty, she brought it to Jesus. When she was angry with her
sister, Mary, or hurting over the death of her brother, Lazarus, she told Jesus
about it. Whatever you are facing, no matter how big or small, give it to
Jesus. He wants to hear your prayers, to comfort you, and rejoice with you.
Whether your life is good or bad, sad or happy, or nervous or joyous, Jesus
wants all of you. When you give your problems to Jesus, He takes the burden
upon Himself. You no longer have to worry because He’s taken care of it. Martha
knew this and because of her deep faith in Jesus, He blessed her as He wants to
do for you, too. “Praise be to the
God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of
mercy. And he is the God of all comfort. He comforts us every
time we have trouble, so that we can comfort others when they have trouble. We
can comfort them with the same comfort that God gives us.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ICB)
·
Hospitality is for everyone-Opening your home and
heart to others (as Martha did to Jesus and His disciples) is always a good
thing (no matter what condition our house is in). Hospitality is about making
your guests feel welcome by extending grace and love. Biblical hospitality is about extending a
hand in friendship to another of God’s children. You can be just as hospitable
offering peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as you can a gourmet meal. “Always remember to help people by welcoming
them into your home. Some people have done that and have helped angels without
knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2, ERV)
·
Jesus is our model of friendship-When Martha demanded
that Jesus make Mary help her, He didn’t reprimand her for talking to Him that
way. Instead, he gently, corrected her, telling her that she was focused on the
wrong thing. Jesus accepted Martha for who she was. He let her rage and
listened but responded with love. Isn’t that what a true friend should do?
Jesus is that kind of friend. We can come to Him screaming, crying, carrying
on, and be honest with Him. He doesn’t mind. In fact, He loves you so much that
He just wants to know what’s troubling you. “For
the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all, and this great love is
demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends.” (John 15:13, TPT)
· Keep your priorities straight-When Martha verbally
unloads on Jesus, He tells her to relax, and that she is focused on the wrong
thing. Her priorities are wrong. Your relationship with God is important then
your relationship with people. By serving people, you are serving God. There
have been times in my life that I was so busy serving in ministry that I
neglected my fellowship with Him and my family, my first mission field. Limit
distractions from your life. Simplify and focus on what He says is important;
starting with the most important of all: God. Remove everything from your
calendar and add things back, according to your priorities, starting with Bible
study, prayer time, and church. Start with Him. Put those on the
calendar. “The thing you should want most is God’s
kingdom and doing what God wants. Then all these other things you need will be
given to you.” (Matthew 6:33, ICB)
· Mind your own business-Martha was resentful
because she was working away, and Mary was having fun. It wasn’t her business.
Focus on what you are doing, and how you are pleasing the Lord. Don’t worry
about what anyone else is doing. That’s between them and God. Not you and them. Resentment
can cause you to develop a hardened heart, get easily distracted, and take your
eyes off of Jesus. “Do all you can to live a peaceful life. Mind your own
business, and earn your own living, as we told you before.” (1 Thessalonians 4:11, ERV)
· Rest is not an act of laziness-Martha was in a
frenzy cooking and preparing for her guests. She couldn’t imagine sitting down
to enjoy their company. There was too much to do. Serving others and meeting
their needs is a great thing, but so is taking a break to recognize what’s
important. Martha was accusing Mary of being lazy, but Mary was focusing on
being in the presence of God. God wants us to be productive, but He always
wants us to rest and enjoy fellowship with Him. That’s not being lazy. It is
refreshing our spirits. It is healthy. “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, VOICE)
· Stop
worrying- Jesus noticed that Martha was worried. She was frantic
and angry. Medical experts have told us for years that worrying affects our
health. What kind of affect does that have on our bodies? Things like ulcers,
headaches, depression happen. Worry doesn’t change anything. It only makes it
worse. Why worry when your heavenly Father has promised everything you
need? When you are worried about something, give it to Jesus. By giving it
to Him, you are demonstrating that you have complete faith in Him. You are completely
dependent on Him. By releasing that worry, you are giving yourself and your
loved one a gift. You are a much better person when you aren’t burdened with
worry. Am I right? “Do not worry about anything. But pray and
ask God for everything you need. And when you pray, always give thanks. And
God’s peace will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. The peace that God
gives is so great that we cannot understand it.” (Philippians 4:6-7, ICB)
If Luke
10:38-42 were to happen today, maybe it would go like this:
Siblings Marty
Workman (oldest), Larry Graves (middle), and Madelyn Bethune (youngest) had lived together since their spouses had died
within a range of ten years. Ten years ago, Larry’s wife, Myrna had died of
lung cancer from her many years as a smoker. Marty’s husband, Lourdes, died
five years ago from leukemia.
Last in the group was
Madelyn’s husband Jesus (pronounced Hesus),
who died two years ago of a brain aneurism. All of the sibling’s kids and
grandkids loved having their parent, aunts, uncle, and grandparent all in one
house. It made the holidays and visiting in general so much easier and
convenient to do it all in one stop. Each other’s companionship was a wonderful
gift.
Today after the Sunday
morning service was a special time for the senior citizen siblings. Their
cooking deficient pastor, Rev. Jessie Cristos, was coming over for lunch since
his wife and children were visiting his in-laws family in Texas.
Marty had planned a menu
full of her pastor’s favorite foods that his wife had told her about last week.
Soon the morning service came to an end, and Jessie, Larry, and Madelyn were
all relaxing and chatting in the family room as far as Marty could see from her
cooking post in the kitchen.
In a matter of seconds,
Marty’s carefully planned meal started burning, ruining, and becoming very
uncooperative. In complete desperation, Marty called out for her sister’s
assistance. She wasn’t doing anything besides talking with Rev. Jessie anyway.
Soon, the guest of the house began to speak.
“Marty, Marty, you are worried
and upset about so many things in the kitchen. What you are doing is important.
Madelyn and Larry have chosen to spend time with me. I wish you would stop all
the fuss, and come over here to talk to me.”
In a split decision, Marty
decided to chuck the lunch she’d planned and serve sandwiches with last night’s
lunch meat, raw vegetables and dip as well as the bag of sour cream and onion
potato chips in the pantry. There was sweet tea to drink, and the dessert had
not been ruined as it chilled in the refrigerator.
Marty was tired over
stressing out about everything. It was way past time to start enjoying the
important people in her life. She smiled
as she walked into the family room realizing one was never too old to learn something
new.
“Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it
gets you nowhere. (Glenn Turner) [i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“9 Important Lessons We Can Learn from Martha in the
Bible” By
·
“Blessed are the Balanced!
(Mary & Martha)” by Robert Wright
·
“Healthy Sibling Relationships” by Raychelle Cassada Lohmann
·
“How to Maintain Sibling Relationships” By Anna Goldfarb
·
“Martha of
Bethany” by Guideposts
·
“Martha” From
Wikipedia
·
“Mary &
Martha - Lessons from Two Sisters” Jerold Aust
·
“The
importance of adult sibling relationships” by Holly Tiret
·
“Three precious lessons
from St Martha” by ACCS
·
All for One by Robert Kinker, “Unable
to Do It All”
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